Christopher TitusMy mom is a manic-depressive schizophrenic. Drugging the family, trying to kill Dad, high-speed police chase. Norman Rockwell is bleeding. Never again, Mom.
S1 E7 Mom's Not Nuts
View quote →
Played by Christopher Titus
Titus · 132 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Titus: in 6 of its 132 quotes
Most scenes with: Ken Titus (2)
Lines by Christopher Titus 3
Christopher TitusChristopherPeople on TV suck. If you ever meet somebody from TV, I want you to punch them right in the face. It'll probably get you on TV.
S2 E22 The Pit
View quote →
ChristopherChristmas is a time of joy, love, and peace -- and a giant spike in the suicide rate. (with increasing aggressiveness): My father got all the Christmas joy sucked out of him by his cruel, vindictive mother because his drunken, partying father sucked all the Christmas joy out of HER! (the Christmas lights come on. Christopher stares at them, then stares back at the audience and sheepishly sings): Fa-la-la-la-la/La-la-la-la.
S3 E6 House Boat
View quote →
Scenes with Christopher Titus 3
[Flashback to when Titus was 17]
ChristopherDaddy! My key doesn't work in the door any more! I have laundry!
[opens door] Laundry? [squirts dish soap over Titus' shirt] Here's some soap. Go find a rock in a river.
S1 E3 Dave Moves Out
View quote →
Hey! Don't you ever call me again and tell me that you love me and you forgive me!
ChristopherHi, Dad.
I would rather a highway patrol officer show up on my doorstep with your head in a bag!
S2 E16 Life Forward
View quote →
[after Nicky's water breaks; two neighbors who can help don't get along]
ChristopherIs everybody here missing a chromosome?
NNicky
Hey, I live here. And anybody with a forehead that big shouldn't be making chromosome jokes.
[Titus frowns and feels his forehead]
S3 E13 Bachelor Party
View quote →
More Titus characters
All Titus quotes →
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.