“Episode Eleven” · Season 1, Episode 9
In this episode: Titus (3), Ken Titus (2), Dave Titus (1)
Dad, is there anything I can do?
See if you can trade yourself in for a nice Korean kid. (a nearby Asian nurse glares at him)
(pointing at the nurse) Uh, dad--
I'll name him Ho-John Titus.
Dad--
Ho-John wouldn't steal my distributor cap, and I could probably get him for a pack of cigarettes.
(pointing at the nurse) Why don't you see if she can help you?
(turning to the nurse) You know where I can get a Korean kid?
[As a practical joke, Titus has convinced hospital staffers to shave Ken's testicles.]
I look like a nine year-old boy.
You have a custom car shop? I want my Viper flamed.
And I want my pot back.
Dave, we're bribing him.
But he already has my pot!
My dad has gotten so good at having heart attacks, he drove himself to the hospital because, (imitating Ken): "They won't let me smoke in the ambulance." And, you can't go on a burger run.
(cut to POV shot of an In-and-Out Burger worker [shown as "Minimum Wage Cam"] handing Ken his burger order at the drive-thru while Ken is clearly in distress from his heart attack)
Ken (breathlessly): No cheese, right? I have a heart thing. (takes the order and clutches his chest)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Titus pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
