Abbey Bartlet quotes from The West Wing

Abbey

Do you like these earrings?

[without looking] I do.

Abbey

You want to look at them first?

[still not looking] Are they new?

Abbey

No.

[still not looking] You've worn them?

Abbey

Yeah.

[working a crossword puzzle] I love them. "Laissez-faire doctrine." 15 letters.

Abbey

Social Darwinism.

No, that's not the answer. See, 'cause Social Darwinism isn't a doctrine. It's a force of nature. The answer is "libertarianism."

Abbey

I'm gonna be ready in two minutes.

Take your time.

Abbey

Passive-aggression is not gonna get me out the door any faster.

Boo boo, I gave up on getting you out the door in the late 70's. Plus, it's your birthday. You're old, and you don't move around that fast.

Abbey

Libertarianism has 14 letters not 15.

I know, so I'm shading in the extra box.

Abbey

And it's not my birthday.

It's your birthday week. It's a week of festivities like Mardi Gras or Lent. Three letters. "It may be bitter." "Tea," right?

Abbey

"It may be bitter?"

Yeah.

Abbey

Why "tea"?

'Cause "woman" doesn't fit.

Abbey

"End," you idiot. "Bitter end."

Abbey

That was wonderful!

That was fun.

Abbey

How you feeling?

I feel great.

Abbey

You want a glass of water?

No, I'm fine.

Abbey

You seem a little dry. Sure you don't want a glass of water?

No, I feel great.

Abbey

Maybe I should get you a glass of water, just in case. You could hold it in your hand.

[pause] How'd you know?

Abbey

You were off the prompter.

[A little teary] Just for a second, I couldn't see it.

Abbey

It's all right. There are going to be more days like this. It starts now. It's going to be harder this time.

Yeah, I know. We can still have tonight, though, right?

Abbey

[fighting tears; smiles] You've got lots of nights.

I don't want to intimidate you, but it turns out I'm the first Democrat in twenty years to make a clean sweep of the Plains states. And I'm not just talking about Iowa and Nebraska.

Abbey

Are you trying to turn me on now?

Yeah.

Abbey

All right.

I won the Dakotas, the Badlands, the Black Hills... But let's go down, way down, to the Deep South and the humid bayou of Louisiana and its nine electoral votes. What manner of man it must take to win the state, which, by the way, is the only one operating under the Napoleonic Code of France. And I still don't know what that's all about, but back to me...

Abbey

Hon, this is like, nerd hot talk.

Who's your Commander in Chief?

Abbey

You are.

Abbey

Samuel Mudd set Booth's leg after he shot Lincoln. Doctors are liable in this country if they don't treat the patient in front of them.

Just for the record, this is why we don't talk about foreign policy, which we do, but you don't think we do enough.

Abbey

Why?

Because Samuel Mudd was tried and convicted of treason for setting that leg.

Abbey

So?

What 'so'?

Abbey

So that's the way it goes. You set the leg.

Abbey

How did you live with Josh Lyman?

Amy

I'm sorry?

Abbey

How did you live with him? He beat Max out of the 12 million earmarked for vaccine education. And when I said I wanted the 12 million he said "So did I. And at the end of a prize-fight, you look at the guy who's dancing around and that's who won"? So I wanna know how you lived with him.

Amy

We never technically lived together which was the subject of many–

Abbey

Don't you wanna kill him when he says things like that?

Amy

My problem is I wanna jump him when he says things like that.

Abbey

Where'd you get your mouth?

Amy

Brown, then Yale Law School.

Abbey

So we're for freedom of speech everywhere but poor countries, where they can have our help, but only if they live up to Clancy Bangert's moral standards? What the hell kind of free world are you running?

I really don't know, Abby. The day hasn't started yet.

Will

We just wrote 3900 words in five hours.

It's terrific so far.

Will

Later, he quotes Cicero, Thomas Aquinas, and Rudy Vallée in the space of two pages.

Abbey

How does he connect them?

Will

Three people you've never heard of.

Abbey

It's about creativity?

Mrs. Bartlet, I can't tell you how hard I prayed for you.

Abbey

I appreciate that.

Well, you shouldn't. I'm not very religious. So there's the risk that my praying could be taken as insincere or even an affront, which, if it's a vengeful God, could have made matters worse.

Abbey

Well, it didn't, so maybe there's a clue.

Leo

I hadn't heard you were thinking about New Hampshire. That might be the best...

Abbey

I moved the meeting up because I didn't want you here.

Leo

In the meeting?

Abbey

In the Residence.

Leo

Yeah. I've been trying to... I thought... you need some space.

Abbey

She's back. She's safe. She's going to stay safe.

Leo

We all want what's best for Zoey.

Abbey

You laid us open. You laid me and my daughters wide open. And God knows what else there is that I don't know about.

Leo

There is nothing else.

Abbey

I swear to God, Leo, don't... 72 hours; the bruises aren't even... did you see her face? For God's sake, don't ask me to trust you.

Leo

I'm not.

Abbey

And don't think you took the bullet. I blame Jed. He did this.

Leo

If it was you whispering pardons in his ear, it was the right thing.

Abbey

I don't whisper, Leo. That's not how it works between us. My job is to help Jed be as good a President as he is a man.

I can't dress for this thing without you. Which one screams "dominance"?

Abbey

Do I get to wear it afterwards?

No Comment

Abbey

Would you like me to do interviews with the Press Corps?

CJ

God, no. They're the most cynical bastards on the planet. You need to get beyond the Washington echo chamber and speak right to the people.

Abbey

So, what was it? The tube top to meet the Queen of England, or the low-rise jeans with the North Korean delegation?

CJ

Mrs. Bartlet, the press didn't know what to make of you before the MS became public. You've never been the traditional hat-knitting President's wife.

Abbey

Oh, shoot. Was that in the handbook? Maybe just get me a photographer and seven years' worth of yarn.

Leo

Believe me, I love the idea of you ministering to the wayward and unwashed. I don't love you becoming a de facto spokesperson for a load of issues we can't support.

Abbey

I'm not on a lecture tour, I'm seeing patients.

Leo

'Hello. My name is Clarissa Ponsissa. I'm 14 and sexually active. But I know it's okay, 'cause I got my condoms from the First Lady.' Fox News is throwing a party.

Abbey

[about Leo's heart attack] Stress actually restricts the flow of blood to the coronary arteries. What I'm saying is it's physiological. Unless you wanted him meditating his way through intelligence briefings and sleeping in a flotation device... There's nothing you did–

I fired him.

Abbey

What?

Last night at Camp David, I fired him. What does that do to the flow of blood?