[to Bartlet] For an Anglo Saxon, you were darn funny.
“No Exit” · Season 5
In this episode: Toby Ziegler (3), Will Bailey (3), Debbie (3), Josiah Bartlet (2), Leo McGarry (2), Abbey Bartlet (1)
He's a featherweight who only looks like a lightweight because he's got you propping him up.
He's the heir apparent.
Don't say 'heir apparent' when we have men in moon suits hermetically sealing the Oval. This is Russell's only shot... A night like this.
Believe me, I love the idea of you ministering to the wayward and unwashed. I don't love you becoming a de facto spokesperson for a load of issues we can't support.
I'm not on a lecture tour, I'm seeing patients.
'Hello. My name is Clarissa Ponsissa. I'm 14 and sexually active. But I know it's okay, 'cause I got my condoms from the First Lady.' Fox News is throwing a party.
I'm still laughing.
Real reason I went for a second term: couple more years between this gig, the Gridiron, and the Alfalfa Club, I'll be ready for the Def Comedy circuit.
I'd hold out for Vegas, sir.
My first Correspondent's Dinner was a nightmare. Bombed.
Put that behind you tonight.
I killed.
[Bartlet holds out a tissue box to Debbie and she takes a tissue.]
They laughed till they cried. They're still crying.
Honestly, sir, in my case, it's the pollen count. But for an Anglo-Saxon, you were darn funny.
He's a featherweight who only looks like a lightweight because he's got you propping him up.
He's the heir apparent.
Don't say 'heir apparent' when we have men in moon suits hermetically sealing the Oval. This is Russell's only shot... A night like this. You're comfortable with that?
Perfectly. Thank you.
Well, great.
Only shot.
This and voter fraud, another option.
Yeah, I see.
Or a mob hit would also work.
Someday there's going to be a newer, younger political operative moving on to your landscape. Somebody up through the ranks from the domestic policy shop, and you'll be able to foist all your jealousy and resentment onto his unsuspecting shoulders and you'll give me a break for three consecutive minutes.
Jealousy? This is good.
You've had one win in your career, one. And you're looking sunset in the face, and I'm just getting started, and that's eating you apart like some psychological melanoma.
My jealousy of you?
It's an adrenaline sport and you're exhausted. If you had another fight in you, you'd be grooming Matt Packard or Howard Sturgis and you'd take me down, me and my anemic candidate. But you don't have it. I say this with a great amount of respect. I would be eternally grateful if you would back off.
When I came into office, we knew the word "terrorist." It was in the daily briefing. But we pictured guys with turbans in the desert or some mad survivalist in a cabin in Montana. That party's over. Now anyone with high school chemistry is a potential threat.
That's a lot of enemies, sir.
Too many.
What you wrote for Russell tonight was profoundly disturbing.
Because he upstaged the President?
Because he might win.
What?
Who was the first person to shake his hand after the speech tonight?
I wasn't watching.
Of course you were.
Chuck McGill, they golf.
In a room full of 600 reporters McGill's not a golf buddy, he's Chairman of Ways and Means. You made a calculation; you positioned him brilliantly. It never for a second crossed my mind before, but if you keep this up, he might win.
Thanks.
It wasn't a compliment. You need to get the hell out of there. You're grooming this clown for a win and then what?
Four more years. A better prescription drug plan, maybe the educational overhaul you guys can't seem to get off the ground.
With Howdy Doody at the helm?
This isn't a dictatorship. There are hundreds of people running this White House. The salient detail being they're all Democrats. You most of all...
There are no launch codes at my desk! At the event of what I perceive to be a threat, I can't deploy troops to invade so much as a 7-Eleven. I don't care who you surround this guy with, he's going to wield a tremendous amount of power.
He'll be fine. The Party wants a win. 60 million Democrats want...
Winning is easy.
You only hit it once, and maybe never again.
Because you back the guy who should win, not the guy who will win. I backed a man of vision, who's still hanging on to his integrity with his teeth. You're damn straight I won't win again.
There has to be a future, Toby. Someone will take the torch. You will despise the very notion of them whoever they may be.
Go find someone you can honestly respect. Groom him.
I'll comb the countryside.
We went to Hokumville, New Hampshire, to find one, yeah. Comb the countryside.
You go. If it's so important, you go. [pause] That's what I thought.
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