ODr. Orpheus
Pumpkin, get me my cloak!
Why don't you wear the ...
ODr. Orpheus
Alright fine. GET ME MY BLUE WINDBREAKER!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
WWaitress
What can I get you?
Well, you see, I made this purchase of a homeboy from your vending machine.
Consider this your final warning. You do not know the risk you are taking. For a whisper from my lips could open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!
You're probably wondering why you're here, YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP TOO MANY TIMES! You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a dixie cup! And if you keep like you've been doin', this is where heading.
RGRandom Guy
(snickering)
Oh, that's funny to you right? Cause you so fuckin bad? I know your type. You think, "I'll just get me a costume and rip off the neighborhood kids." Next thing you know you've got a jet shaped like a skull with lasers on the front.
RGRandom Guy
This is totally gay.
What?! You think this is gay, huh? Is that what you fucking said, you scrawny piece of shit? Oh, this isn't gay! But King Gorilla over there is, and I'll bet he can't wait to break off a piece of your dick in his ass! (King Gorilla makes kissing lips)
You - get up! I SAID GET THE FUCK UP! What's your name?
Dean Ven...
YOUR NAME IS BITCH! And I own you. YOU'RE PROPERTY! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame - King Gorilla, you got a cigarette? There, I just sold you for a cigarette, and I don't smoke! (pause) Holy shit, you're Dean fucking Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back, here's your cigarette.
Fuck you, gimme a dollar!
What the fuck are you boys doing in the big house?
Well, our dad had a baby, so we ran away.
And then we got arrested for not speeding enough.
You shouldn't even be alive!
Huh?
I put out a hit on you. Super sorry. But, you know, I'm in mother-fucking prison here. My life is fucked.
You boys don't wanna end up in here, this place is full of fucking animals. (Hank opens his mouth) I don't mean King Gorilla, Hank. I mean this place will chew you up and spit you out. (Hank opens his mouth again) No, I'm not talking about Mecha-Mouth, Hank.
(sighs) This was a big mistake.
Fuckin'-A right! This is all wrong, you boys are the fucking Venture brothers. You've had your little adventure, now go the hell home.
Fuck that shit!
Hank Venture! What is wrong with you!? You're changing into an extra-bad person! Do you even know how many baby angels you just killed by saying that?!
Oh by glory! You're right! What's happening to us? We searched for freedom, and it landed us in jail.
I bet dad's worried sick. And Brock. He loves ya, Hank, I just know it.
Oh, this is just gay. Look, I gotta get back to yelling at regular kids, alright?
What else do you want? Do you want Dean? You could have Dean. He could carry you on his back, like Master Blaster.
WWaitress
What'll it be, sugar?
Your flask of sugar appears to be filled. But your concern is noted; now please, stand to the side.
That's a Home Boy. But be careful, that houses the souls of TWO FOULMOUTHED REDNECKS!!!
(after the boys have been shot to death)
All right... get their clothes.
DDoctor
Sorry sir, medical personnel only beyond this point.
I go where he goes.
DDoctor
Oh... you must be his "partner" then?
Not really, it's more like I work for him...WAIT A MINUTE - NO!!
What would I do without you, Brock?
(nonchalantly) You'd be dead.
ERE.R. Doctor
Well I have good news...
Oh, thank...
ERE.R. Doctor
And bad news.
YOU SON OF A BITCH!! (relaxes) Okay fine! Hit me with it, don't soft soap me. Give it to me straight, I can take it.
ERE.R. Doctor
The good news is the operation was a success. We were able to remove the entire tumor from your midsection.
(to Brock as if comforting him) See, you big worry wart?
What's the bad news?
ERE.R. Doctor
I... ah geez... This is very hard.
Oh god. It's the big C, isn't it? (to Brock) You did this to me! All that second hand smoke!! You should be the one in this bed, mister!!!
ERE.R. Doctor
No no no, Dr. Venture! The tumor was benign, it's just that... well... (clears throat) We cannot find it.
What do you mean you can't find it?
ERE.R. Doctor
Well, we took it out, and i don't know. When I finished sewing you up, I turned around and it was just gone!
(sarcastically) Gone. Well, I want a second opinion! Oh, wait, I'm a doctor! I can give myself one! You suck, and I'm leaving!
Life goes on after the tragic deaths of Hank and Dean in this Season Two opener. Meanwhile, the Monarch deals with life "inside."
But we're the Venture Brothers! Shouldn't we work together?
VDr. Venture
Unh. What does it take to get rid of you, you parasite? Tweezers and a match? I give you life, I give you half my stuff, I gave you the X2 for God's sake, what more do you want?! My blood? Here! Take it! Take my blood! [bends over, pointing his rear towards Jonas Jr.] or better yet, just climb right on back inside me! [pats rear] Go on! Jump back in there! Come on!
[sighs] Fine. Never mind. Just let me get my stuff from the lab and I'll go.
VDr. Venture
'The lab'? Try my lab.
Mine, yours. What's the difference? We're the Venture Brothers! What's mine is yours.
VDr. Venture
Yeah, yeah. You're very generous with my things.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.