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The Venture Bros. quotes

726 quotes · page 14 of 49

The Venture Bros.
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

YHYoung Hector

This Aztec calendar says today is your lucky day!

Hey! Hey! What the f.. Are you raping me?!

No... well, I was gonna.

Gonna?! What the fuck, King?!

I couldn't get it up.

AGH! [Holds hands to ears] Lalalalalalala...

You're built too much like a girl! I couldn't get into it.

[stops 'la' -ing] What... What a... this isn't even my cell! What'd you do, take me to your place?

Well I got porn here... it helps.

AAGH! [Puts hands back to ears as he leaves the cell] Lalalalalalala...

But I am, by trade, a necromancer! You know what that means, right?

Uhh, you have sex with dead people?

phile! Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!

(asked to put the immature clones back into their "incubators") I hate touching them, they feel like giant Stretch Armstrongs.

Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.

Dr. Orpheus (talking to Triana about raising the dead): Stop crying, pumpkin. I've done this hundreds of times. David Blaine,Evel Knievel, both daddy's clients. As was Ronald Reagan, until he bounced a check.

[To Half-Formed Corpse] Hank! You are never to call your father a crumb-bum in front of company!

(to Triana) Now don't touch any of this. You could accidentally make the cat huge...or something.

You and your Guild can go screw. Ten years of payin' dues and what do they do to keep me out of here when I got caught!?!

Oh, what could we do? You eviscerated and sodomized Vince Neil on national television.

Hey, I only sodomized half of him! They wanted The Surreal Life, K.G. GAVE it to 'em!

Slow down. What about the zombies?

Oh, I call those "clone slugs" — grew those years ago from nail clippings, I think. Anyway, after the slugs have been activated, that machine...

Purgatory.

Whatever. That computer feeds all their nocturnally recorded memory synapses.

Their memories, hopes, and dreams. Their immortal souls!

You're killing me with that crap; just let me finish. That computer feeds synaptic data to their incubation beds; that information is supplemented with basic knowledge that my dad recorded for me so I didn't have to go to school; and that is why I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24.

That is awful!

Well, you didn't see her. It was horrific.

Who is your grief counselor? Mother Teresa? How can you be so nonchalant about this? My stupid talismans and I have made movie monsters from your sons!

Wait, perhaps you can help. From your helmet I can charge you have been here long enough--

BSBuried-Soul Head1

Yes pilgrim, I, in life, was a personal guard to the great Caesar.

BSBuried-Soul Head2

Nuh uh. Liar. You choked on a popsicle stick at a Halloween party.

BSBuried-Soul Head1

Oh tell everyone why don't ya--

BSBuried-Soul Head2

Everybody knows. Why do ya think you're in hell? 'Cause ya fuckin lying.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.