Ed quotes from The Thick Of It

Malcolm

Ed! Get Tom Rudd in. Now. We're offering him Northern Ireland, the lucky sod.

Ed

I think he's expecting to be offered Transport.

Malcolm

Well, tell him he's taking the bus to George Best airport, right?

Malcolm

Hey, what's wrong with you? You look like you've shat a Lego garage or something.

Ed

Jim Lane's daughter is standing as an independent in Leamington Spa.

Malcolm

(silently, to himself) For fuck's sake...fuck. (to Ed) This is gonna split our vote.

Ed

Do you think we're in trouble? Maybe we should have chosen her over Liam Bentley.

Malcolm

No. She thinks just because her dead fat-arse dad was the MP that gives her the right to be our candidate? No no no. This isn't Czarist Russia. It's not the fucking Dimblebys.

Ed

What do we do?

Malcolm

We send everyone up there, to support Liam Bentley, including the Prime Minister.

Ed

You want to send Tom up there?

Malcolm

Yeah, fuck it, he'll be all right as long as he doesn't do the smile. You hit the phones, right? I'll be with you in two shakes of a crying baby.

Malcolm

Where the fuck is Doug Hayes?

Ed

Yes, we put in a lot of calls.

Malcolm

Well, put it a lot more calls: I'm talking 'psycho ex-girlfriend with a really good tariff'.