TV show quotes
I heard they fired their produce guy.
Enough! I'm so sick and tired o' hearin' you people talk about food, food, food! That's all anybody ever talks about is proscuitto, cheese, and fuckin' fava beans. I'm, I'm drownin' here!
Jesus Christ. Take it easy.
We're not even engaged yet.
Yeah well, when you're married, you'll understand the importance of fresh produce.
Fuck the importance.
Sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
Fuckin' internet.
I know your father forbids your comin' down here.
He doesn't. Honest. He just doesn't want us ta talk about you in the house.
Well, you can go shit in his hat.
Jon Favreau? He's great. He's also a writer. You should show him your script.
Swingers? He can suck my dick. That swings too.
You stole my car! Where's the trust in this house?
When I get confirmed I'm gonna become a man. So how come I can't drive?
Oh yeah? Who was that MAN that we had to pick up from camp last year for bed wetting?
It was the year before last.
You could have killed those girls.
That would have been interesting.
What? What did you say?
Death just shows you the ultimate absurdity of life.
What is this?? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper because I'm about to put you through that goddamn window!!
See? That's what I mean. Life is absurd.
Don't say that! God forgive you!
There is no God.
Ey!!
Ey!!
Where is this coming from?
Do they teach you this crap in school??
Is this that new English teacher Mr. Clark...emm... Where is he from? Answer me!
Overland.
You want him to read anything other than Hustler? Hello. He got assigned ˝The Stranger˝ You want him to be an educated person? What do you think education is? You just make more money? This IS education.
Do you ever think like: Why were we born?
Madame de Stael said: In life one must choose between boredom and suffering.
Go to your room! (Meadow leaves)
No, I'm serious. Why were we born?
We were born because of Adam and Eve, that's why. Now go upstairs and do your math.
Algebra?? That's the most boring.
Well, your other choice is sufferin'. You wanna start now?!?
To kick upstairs to Tony Soprano would be an honor.
He the man.
I thought you said I was the man. He the man, I the man, who the man?
Are vee not men?
You know, maybe when I'm over there, I could fuck his wife.
(about Christopher) The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.
Camel nose!
Man, you can't make that shit up.
The fuck are you talkin' about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like natural canopy. (Sean and Matt laugh) You know the kid has his good points.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not sayin' anything against him. He's my homie.
Your what?!?
He lives up near me.
Well, why didn't you say that? If you wanna talk like a fuckin' mulignan, we'll send you to slip-and-fall school.
This is fucked.
What?
This. Us. Look at us. We're like two fuckin' scared rabbits or somethin'. Douchebags.
Don't say that.
Sean, for chrissakes, grow up to reality. We are nowhere. Buyin' fish, punchin' safes, what is that, and for what?
We're just gettin' started. It's what you do.
We got stockbroker licenses. I went to Pace college.
Fuck. It's true huh?
We're fucked.
We gotta do somethin' to get ahead in this world.
Is that all Tony said? Did he say anything else?
The fuck do ya want 'im ta do? Give ya a kiss on the lips?
Do you eat steak?
What the fuck you talkin about?
If you were in India, you would go to Hell for that.
I'm going to hell, T.
You're not going anywhere but home.
I crossed over to the other side.
You what?
I saw the tunnel and the white light...and I saw my father in hell.
Get the fuck out of here.
And the bouncer said that I'd be there too when my time comes.
What bouncer?
"The emerald piper", that's our hell. It's an Irish bar where it's St. Patrick's day everyday forever. Mikey Palmice and Brendan Filone were there too. They were friends.
Those two guys hated each other.
You gotta relax, you just need some rest.
They're friends now. They were playing dice with two Roman soldiers and a bunch of the Irish guys.
Doesn't make sense.
The Irish, they were winning every roll.
You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
I forgot all about purgatory.
Purgatory, a little detour on the way to paradise.
How long you think we gotta stay there?
That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins, multiply that number by 50, then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add them together, and that's your sentence. I figure i'm gonna have to do about 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven. And 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I could do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.
There's no denying it. I'm dragging a bunch of fucking ghouls around with me and Mikey's their fucking ringleader.
Why don't you just take it easy, will ya? We just wanna talk to ya. That's all.
It wasn't me. It was Sean. Just Sean.
You're shakin'.
You're gonna fuckin' kill me for somethin' I didn't do.
Don't you think we coulda killed you already, if we wanted you dead. Relax. We just wanna talk to you.
Tony, it was...it was Sean! You got to believe me, it was Sean, he got nuts! He said we're being pissed on and disrespected and that we should score points with Richie. But I told him hey, Rome wasn't built in one day! Anything Tony, I'll tell you anything you wanna know.
What'd Richie say?
It had nothin' to do with Richie, he didn't ask for it. He got mad when I told 'im. Sean did it on spec.
Alright. Come here. Come here. Come on. Are you sure nobody else was involved. Take a minute, think it over.
It was Sean all the way.
Alright. You're a good kid.
I'm thirsty.
See if we got somethin' to drink.
What can I get ya? You want a Fanta? Somethin' like that?
How is that? I mean, you sure you want a diet drink? You don't want somethin' with some sugar in it?
There was only diet.
It's good.
You finished?
Thank you T.
'Cuz that sugarless motherfucker...the last fuckin' drink you're ever gonna have! (Tony pulls the gun out)
Ah! T, No! Mommy! Mommy! Please, Tony, please! (Tony and Pussy shoot Matt)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Sopranos pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
