The Raccoons Season 1 quotes

Okay Schaeffer, how about this? If we change the ice hockey game to the football game, that means we can watch the baseball playoff, and still catch the golf tournament!

Schaeffer

Not bad, but, what about the snooker challenge?

Oh yeah. Wait! It's on during the baseball game! We could flip between innings!

Melissa

Ralph?

Hi Melissa. Oh hi Nicole. Didn't hear you come in.

Melissa

Look what we've got! Tickets for the ballet for Wednesday! We stood in line for two hours but...

Wednesday... Wednesday... Ah, here we are! Oh, gee! Not a chance, Melissa! We've got to watch the divisional synchronized swimming finals on Wednesday!

Schaeffer

And third round sumo wrestlings on right after.

Melissa

Oh well, you couldn't miss that, could you?

Bert

Okay, now you've got all Broo's stuff, but, uh... we better go over the list one more time. Let's see. Now you've got to walk him...

Four times a day, brush him once a day, he gets two bowls of puppy munch and fresh water at all times. I've got it, Bert. Just relax!

Nicole

All set, Bentley?

You bet!

Bert

Now you'll have a good time with Bentley, okay, little buddy?

See ya, Bert. Come on, Broo!

Nicole

Don't worry, Bert, Broo will be fine.

Bert

Bentley, where's Broo?

I left him outside. I told him to wait by the door.

Bert

You left him outside? Alone? You call that looking after a puppy?

But it's only for a few minutes! And what could happen to him anyway?

Bert

That's not the point Bentley, you said you'd look after him!

So Mom and Dad said I wasn't ready to take responsibility for a puppy.

Bert

Well...

Yeah, yeah. You don't have to say it. They're right.

Bert

However, it seems to me that admitting you're not ready for responsibility shows a certain amount of responsibility!

Schaeffer

It's on every channel!

(wails) All 340! No hockey, no football, no championship darts! No divisional synchronised swimming finals!

Schaeffer

I don't think this is going to be very good for business Ralph.

(tearful) I think I'm going to cry Schaeffer!

Well, thanks to our late arrival, there's going to be trouble getting a table!

Might I suggest we dine at my new private club, Lock Links?

Well then we could eat right away! Mmm! I can almost smell the food!

I smell something too and it's a bit fishy.

Good luck boss!

Luck? I don't need luck! I'm rich!

Bert

They can't tear down our clubhouse! Why, we're not even on their land!

You're right Bert. But we can fix it up a bit! After all they're our neighbours now, and we should try to get along.

Bert

Yeah I guess you're right. With a little work we could spruce this place up in no time. But we better be careful or those stuffed shirts at Lock Links will be over here wanting to join our club!

Bert

Hi George! Hard at work on another pecan pie?

George

Er, no, not exactly Bert.

Bert

(looking in oven) Ah, a luxurious lime mousse!

George

Bert, I'm cleaning the oven.

Bert

What's going on Lisa? You've never smoked before!

I don't need a lecture Bert Raccoon!

(On the phone) I know you're just the secretary at Lock Links, but if you were to shuffle things around a bit I'm sure we can find a way to get into that club of yours. (pauses) I've got a pile of paper here, tens and twenties actually! That might... hello? Hello!? (Hangs up) Hah! I don't know if want to belong to a club that won't even take a bribe!

Bentley Raccoon!

Lisa!

Take that thing out of your mouth right now buster!

Hey, I was only fooling around!

You don't fool around with cigarettes! You have any idea what they can do to your health? You can't breathe, they smell awful, they're expensive and once you start smoking it's almost impossible to stop! Bentley, cigarettes are NOT cool!

I know that stuff already. And you know that I don't smoke. Brother! Sisters can be so dumb!

Ahem! Something wrong kid?

Oh, Mr Sneer! I guess this looks weird to you, huh?

No, I've done this before. With cigars. You know, they don't break nearly as nicely but they're just as hard to quit.

Oh I've already quit!

Great! But why the tears? I'd be hilariously happy if I could quit.

But your friends wouldn't dump you if you did! I just lost a friend. She said I wouldn't fit in with her crowd.

Listen kid, some crowds just are not worth belonging to.

Yeah, but I wanted to belong.

Crowds, clubs, it's all the same deal. You do what they want, they let you join up. Pretty soon you're just like them. I was almost a Lock Links lemming! You don't want to be one of those do you?

I guess not.

Dare to be different. And never mind what the crowd thinks! Because as long as they're talking about you, they'll never forget about you!

I guess you're right! Y'know Mr Sneer, you're a lot different from what people have told me. You're okay!

What people? What did they say? Were there three of them? Short little fat guys with flat noses and squeaky voices?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to tell you to vote for Cyril Sneer!

Because he promises open government behind closed doors!