Now, when a man plunges his toilet, he has the right to expect that he's the only man plungin' that toilet. And what, I ask, could be lower, than plungin' another man's toilet? One of you has the hots for Muriel and is sendin' her flowers.
Now, there comes a point in every little boy's life when he thinks it might be fun to wear a dress, dance around, and ask people to call him "Shirley" instead of "Thurgood". [realizes what he said] And there's nothin' wrong with that.
[setting up the poster for the 8th Annual HUD Ball] HUD's balls really swing, though last year's ball got pretty hairy. What with the heat wave, that was one sweaty ball. [chuckles] I'm funny when I'm alone. [looks at the poster] "Can you beat our reigning king and queen of the dance contest?" [looks at the image of Jimmy and Bebe] Hmm. Look at 'em. King Loser the XIV and Queen Laqueefa.
Thumb sprain! And stuck on BTV. I pray it's not the Amen marathon.
TATV Announcer
It's kung-fu action like you've never seen before. See two sexy foxes and their all-girl kung-fu fighting army. It's non-stop bone-crushing destruction. Black Mama, White Mama.
[turns off the TV] I gotta raise some money. I'd have a garage sale, but I don't have a garage. I'd have a yard sale, but I don't have a yard. [scratches himself furiously] But I got everything a need for a flea market.
Look, we could argue all day about who was and who wasn't arrested for public urination, but I'll be the bigger man and do my community service. [picks up a small wad of paper] There, the courtyard is clean. Was that so hard? [a piece of paper hits him] What the Funky Phantom?
Everything's changed. I thought I knew who I was. Ever since I was nine, I built up a whole image of my father. A strong, powerful soldier, like the black G.I. Joe. You know, the one that looks like the brother on 60 Minutes.
[in character voice] Now, what the hell is that supposed to mean?! [audience laughs. He switches to his deep voice] Gotcha, James. Nah, I just made the voice up. Same way I make up the dialogue.
