Thurgood quotes from The PJs

Juicy

Hey, Super, what we gonna name her?

Calvin

I know! How about LeBaron?

Juicy

Or Tercel?

Thurgood

No, no, no. You don't go givin' cars people names. You gotta give it a name that says class. That says somethin' about... about you. [paints "Poorsche" on the traffic cone]

Thurgood

Eleven clogged toilets today. That's a janitor's dozen! The only thing that gets me through days like this is knowin' that I get to come home to you.

Muriel

Oh, Thurgood!

Thurgood

[drinking his 40] If only toilets went down as smooth as you.

Thurgood

[writing an angry letter to HUD] "Dearest HUD, how are you? I am fine. But you are not so fine. If you really want to help the little people-- and I don't mean the project elves that put clean socks and underwear in my drawer while I'm sleepin'--"

Muriel

Project elves? I put--

Thurgood

Muriel! Writing! [resumes writing] "It's time you see to it that the basic human needs like freedom, equality, and talkin' toilets are made available to everyone. Especially talkin' toilets. Signed, your humble servant, Thurgood O. Stubbs, Esquire."

Thurgood

Rasta Man, what's goin' on up here?

I'm tending to my gon-- ahem-- garden.

Thurgood

You know, I never even knew there was a garden plot up here. Too damn bad this whole place had to go to pot like this.

Ah, if only whole place had gone to pot.

Haiti Lady

Do you know what you've just done?!

Thurgood

Hmm, let me do a recap. I took your stupid statue and wiped my butt on it, smashed it into a thousand pieces, and-- let's see, did I forget anything? Oh, yeah, I called you a wiatch under my breath.

Thurgood

Season's greetings, Sanchez. Merry como estas.

Sanchez

Well, I may have a touch of the--

Thurgood

Good. Glad to hear it. Here you go. [gives him a tip envelope]

Sanchez

A tip envelope?!

Thurgood

Now, there's no pressure. I don't wanna put any heat on you. Of course, if you want any heat on this winter, you might wanna toss in a 20.

[witnessing Thurgood repossessing her fish tank] But Santa, why are you stealing our fish tank? Why?

Walter

[narrating] Now, that old dirty bastard was as smart as they get. He thought up a lie, and quickly, you bet.

Thurgood

Phantom Menace is the best Star Wars yet! [runs off]

Muriel

Thurgood, what are you doing?

Thurgood

Clearin' some space. My new exercise tape is comin' in the mail today.

Muriel

Another exercise tape? You've already bought Abs of Steel, Buns of Steel, How to Steal.

Thurgood

I don't remember buying that one.

Sanchez

This is ridiculous. Why can't we get our mail like everybody else?

Haiti Lady

Yeah!

Jimmy

And I was expecting some very important fifth and final notices. Now, HOW am I supposed to pay my phone bill UNLESS I get my FIFTH AND FINAL NOTICE?!

Thurgood

Oh, stop your damn complainin'. Bebe got her colored contacts, didn't she?

Bebe

Yeah, but they all busted and mangled! I see twelve of everythang!

Thurgood

Well, now you know how it feels to look fly.

Muriel

Haven't you heard of the expression "Leave them wanting more?"

Thurgood

Well, I thought I did! Now, look, I show God my love for him, and what does he do? He punketh me in front of my flock!

Muriel

You best watch what you sayin', Thurgood. You been electrocuted once. You tryin' for a thunderbolt?

Thurgood

He wouldn't dare! Most people wouldn't know about Him if it wasn't for me.

Muriel

Thurgood Stubbs! You better check yourself before you wreck yourself! Pride goeth before a fall!

Muriel

Thurgood, I have had enough. Stop pretendin' you're doin' this for God because you're not. You're doin' it for yourself. It's all about you gettin' attention for your faith!

Thurgood

[gasps] That is so untrue, Muriel. I'm just tryin' to figure out what God wants me to do.

Muriel

Thurgood, did it ever occur to you that what God wants is for you to just SHUT UP?!

Juicy

[finding the album to Richard Pryor: Bicentennial Nigger] Hey, can we listen to this old album?

Thurgood

Listen to it? We can't even say the name anymore.

Calvin

Well, why can't we?

Thurgood

African-American, please.

Walter

Oh, excuse me, Miss Haiti.

Haiti Lady

Oh, Walter, please, call me Garcelle.

Walter

Garcelle? Is that Haitian for "lovely"? [Haiti Lady giggles]

Thurgood

Walter, you're drunk. Go home.

Smokey

[thinking] Can you read my mind? Do you know what it is I'm thinking of?

Thurgood

We gonna CRASH!

Smokey

Again?! I just crashed an hour ago!

Thurgood

[reading from MSQ] Superintendents, uh, if you allow someone in your building for even one night, it may take up to six months to legally evi-- SIX MONTHS TO EVICT?!

Smokey

Six months?! I thought it said six days! Good lookin' out, Super! [goes back inside his apartment and slams the door]

Thurgood

[groans] I knew learnin' to read would come back to haunt me.