James, you dog. So who's the lucky gal?
I don't know, she hasn't been delivered yet.
Oh, James, you can't marry a baby.
No, she's a mail-order bride, silly. I bought her on Ebay, I'm giving her this tomorrow. It's one of those cloudy yellowy diamonds that women love.
James, I'm very happy for you. I only hope your marriage is as wonderful as mine and Pickles.
Thanks, Bob. Hey, you're comin' to my bachelor party night, right? The whole gang will be there!
The one I bought on Ebay. Steve99@xcom, Packerfan@tetnet...
Sounds like a super giant gasser. Hey, I have some funny napkins I can bring.
[Gasps] Good lord, that woman has no blouse on. [Gasps] My god, she's making it worse!
Bob, this is a strip joint.
A what? I thought it was a colonial-themed steakhouse.
A Announcer
Hear ye, hear ye. Let's give it up for our great patriot Lady Amber from the county of Cleavage as she declares independence from her knickers.
Ah, I beseech, my lady. My fair wife wouldn't approve. Ah, careful there, my family jewels are on the dance floor. Uh miss, your clogs are getting awfully close to my-- [sound of foot stomping, followed immediately by Bob screaming in pain]
D Doctor
Oof, that's nasty. Well, no sex for a couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks! But my wife and I have never missed a night.
D Doctor
Then what the hell were you doing in a strip joint, you filthy pig?!
It's really none of your...you know, your bedside manner could use a little work.
[Doctor takes a picture of Bob's groin]
D Doctor
This ought to gross them out on the internet.
The captain of the SS Woman is on the bridge. [blowing horn sound] All hands on me!
I didn't get any shut eye. Except for this one, which doesn't count 'cause there's something wrong with me.
My Bob isn't attracted to me anymore, Anita.
A Anita
Let me get you a drink.
I'm too depressed to drink. Just give me a beer and a shot.
A Anita
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Bob's probably just having an affair.
A Anita
Have you noticed any of the telltale signs?
A Anita
Oh, like... he's irrepressibly chipper?
A Anita
Stingy with the hugs?
You know, I always have to hug 'him'.
A Anita
Is there a bounce in his step?
Oh my god, he HAS been bouncing!
A Anita
Take it from me, he's chasing strange.
Well, no one's stealing the love of my life! I'm going to follow him! [she pauses] What was I going to do?
How dare you steal my husband!
N1 Nun 1
Me? I'm married to the Lord.
N2 Nun 2
Hey! I'm married to the Lord.
N1 Nun 1
Oh, no you're not!
Who is she? I know you're having an affair, Bob. That's why you won't make love to me.
Don't screw with me, Bob, I bit off a nun's ear. Now tell me the truth.
OK! I'll tell you! I went to James' bachelor party and a stripper stepped on...your buddy!! I'm a filthy pig!
Awww, Bob, I don't care about that.
Yeah but you're my dirty birdy. Now let's never use that phrase again.
Uh Pickles, we still can't have relations for a while.
Oh right. Well, we can do without sex. After all we have a very rich relationship.
I mean two weeks isn't that long.
[Short pause]
Ahh! No means no! No means no!
T Teacher
OK, kids, we're going to be working with some volatile chemicals today. Except for you, Milo, since the school board has rated you a class four maniac.
I was just gonna brew a nice cup of tea. You know, I don't sleep.
[Tea kettle goes off]
T Teacher
Kids, Milo's made a bomb!
[Everyone ducks for cover]
There, there, now, it's just my kettle. The old girl does jabber up a storm. Ahh... jasmine.
He's getting awfully fruity. He's got to get some sleep.
H Helge
Just not before the crumpets are ready.
Now, now, let 'em cool, you wee buggers.
Bob, what's happening to us? We used to have so much fun together.
We're eating soup with garlic croutons. What do you want, woman?
Well, let's go out on the town. We can call another couple and double date.
The only couple I know are James and his fiancee. I don't how much fun she'll be, though. She's dead... and Canadian.
Maybe you could give me some marriage advice?
Sure. Never let a stripper clog dance near your dingle.
Are there two g's in 'dingle'?
Dude, eating an entire turkey in bed was a great idea.
Yeah, but won't it make us sleepy?
Nah, not unless we hear some white noise.
[They hear water flooding into their room and they fall asleep]
The kids are drowning, baby.
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