[Shoes come down and hit Mikey in the head and knock him out]
MMilo
Wow, these are Michael Jumps-a-Lots! I'm keeping them!
[Hobo walks by]
HHobo
Wow, an unconscious kid! I'm keeping him! [picks up Mikey]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Perfect, I've never felt prettier than with this garbage can on my head. Wow, the irony is even within my grasp.
SSaleswoman
May I help you?
Uh, could you suggest anything that will take attention away from my buttocks?
SSaleswoman
A world war?
HA! You're funny! You're also old.
Soon, you will be dead. Then we dig up your grave and make your corpse do embarrassing things, à la Weekend at Bernie's.
Parent-teacher night is two hoots and a sock full of yowzas!
How do you survive in the world?
It's probably best not to wear those today, son. It's raining cats and dogs outside.
MMilo
Oh, no!
Actually, it's raining rain. I'm just busting your chops.
[To Milo, while wearing a frilly dress] You cruel bastard.
Where are all our customers? Surely everyone saw the one-line advertisement I placed in the "et cetera" section of our local PennySaver.
BBeth
Maybe they don't want to smell like flowers and pork.
That's their problem. I think it's two great smells that smell great together.
There ya go. Now it's a ham bucket.
[The family is having dinner at a restaurant]
Man, I wish we could eat decent food like this every day.
I wish you could too, but that would involve me and the kitchen, and I'm just not seeing it.
BBeth
But I haven't grown in two years. [points to growth] Well, unless you count this.
Hey, if I came up with a few more fashion ideas, I could get enough money to buy the school's stove.
[Everyone cheers]
MMilo
Promise you won't forget about this when the martinis wear off.
Oh, kids, they never wear off!
[Everyone cheers again]
[Pickles is selling ham buckets. Milo's friends arrive]
Fifty bucks.
Fiddy bones? I ain't got that kind of scratch. I work for a living, lady.
For Milo's little friends, they're on the house.
MMilo
But they'll cheapen the coolness factor.
Do you want another spanking like last night?
MMilo
Mom, that wasn't me. That was Dad.
That's none of your business.
[after seeing Milo fall down a flight of stairs] Bitchin' move!
[The other kids follow suit]
Ow! My spine!
Here, take this and go get me 50 buckets and 50 yams!
MMilo
HAMS, mom! Who would wear a yam?!
[Pickles answers the door and sees all the Debbies standing on her porch]
Either I'm really smashed or you and your friends look exactly alike!
Well, well, well! A dog always returns to its vomit... wait a minute.
How come he got two fruity kisses and I only got one?
MMilo
It is part of the enigma that is Meelo.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Oblongs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.