The Oblongs Season 1 quotes

[to Teacher] You may control my mind, but you'll never control my ass!

I can't wait to get back to school and resume learning!

Helga

I can't wait 'til you drown in your saliva.

Drowning is my third favorite way to die. But, they are all good.

[pulls a set of keys from his buttocks] Hey, I found my mom's car keys in my butt flaps.

Bob

[to Milo] Son, you know you're forbidden to handle anything sharper than a boiled egg!

Yvette to mothership. Bald nerd child presumed incinerated. Research incomplete. Returning to base.

Negative. Not cost-effective. Terminate self.

Aw, crap. [powders to ashes]

Helga

[to Milo] I quit! Injure your own damn self!

Pickles

Hello, Pristine.

Pickles, fabulous to see you! Love your hair, where'd you buy it?

Pickles

Off some whore. I think it was your mother.

Well, gotta run. I don't want my daughter and her friends exposed to a drunken hose-bag. Oh, my gosh, did I say that out loud?

Pickles

[takes out license plate that says Debbie] Look! A novelty license plate that says Debbie! [all the Debbies and Pristine tackle for it]

Milo said he's not going to school today.

Pickles

Beth, honey, nobody likes a tattletale.

Bob

I do. They're an essential part of any family. You keep right on tattling, sweetie pie.

Daddy has a magazine with naked ladies hugging.

Bob

Ehh, criminy.

[after getting caught setting fire to the clubhouse] I have a problem.

That's homeless Bill, he smells like pee-pee... I'M KEEPING HIM!

What are you doing?

Pickles

Burying beer. Ah crud, that means I drank gopher poison.

Dear God or God-like figure; when I wake up, please make Scottie all better. Look around. You owe me.

Biff

[referring to Scottie] What's wrong with him?

Bob

He's a narcoleptic.

Chip

An undercover drug agent?

Bob

Uh, sure, fine. Run.

Helga

Hey, push that box of cow hooves closer here!

Oh, god yes!

Bob

Dagnabbit, I'm still riddled with tartar!