Helga quotes from The Oblongs

Pickles

Fifty bucks.

Helga

Fiddy bones? I ain't got that kind of scratch. I work for a living, lady.

Pickles

For Milo's little friends, they're on the house.

But they'll cheapen the coolness factor.

Pickles

Do you want another spanking like last night?

Mom, that wasn't me. That was Dad.

Pickles

That's none of your business.

Helga, stop eating your fringe.

Helga

You shouldn't have made it out of bacon.

Helga

[about Milo's sports drink, Manic] Looks like pee, tastes like crap!

Maybe we shouldn't say "Tastes like crap."

Milo, these days you need a slick marketing campaign to succeed.

Debbie

[gasps] Crashers! And that fat girl has my locket!

Helga

Debbie! It's me, your best friend, Helga... and I'm not fat, I'm zaftig.

[Grunts] I can't get the locket off. The clasp is covered with fat.

Helga

Zaftig! It's covered by zaftig.

Helga

[stuck in the sewer and surrounded by food] Hey guys! Want some Egg Foo Yung?

Helga, you're supposed to be losing weight!

Helga

It's not my fault. All this stuff just fell down here. So I'm not Kate Moss. Big deal.

Kate Moss isn't stuck in a sewer.

Helga

Oh, I don't know. When you think about it, isn't there no bigger sewer than the world of professional modeling?

Helga

What about me? You gotta get me out of here!

We know what we're doing, sir.

Helga

I'm not a sir! I'm a beautiful little girl.

He's obviously in shock. Let's get out of here.

Helga! We've gotta do something, or she's gonna drown!

On the bright side, you've already got the bloating part over with.

Helga

[angrily] Thanks. I feel MUCH better.

I'm sorry, guys. You believed in me and I let you down.

Helga

Come on, Milo. We never believed in you.

Can I be the pres-di-dent?

I think you just answered your own question. How about you, Peggy?

Seriously? I'm so psyched and excited you think I have the self-esteem and charisma!

Helga

[covered in saliva] Whoa! Clean up on aisle seven. She's out!

Well, I guess we should just forgot about it.

Then things will never improve. Time will pass, we will die, our hair and nails will continue to go.

Fine, then, I'll do it. I'll run and I'll win!

Milo, no one is going to vote for a kid who wears a helmet in homeroom.

That's just to protect my soft spot. [Helga pokes Milo's head] Great, now I've lost my motor skills. [collapses on the floor]

The meeting will now come to order. I will commence by reading the minutes from last week's meeting followed by Q and A and reports from committees.

Let's light our farts on fire.

Excuse me, but-- [the paper she is holding gets set on fire] That's not in accordance with parliamentary procedure!

I have some new business. The Debbies treat us like dirt. Why don't we elect someone else student council president?

But nobody's ever beat the Debbies.

How do we know unless we try? l mean, you could run, Susie.

No, no. I have a skeleton in my closet. Oh, wait. No, I forgot. I made soup.

Helga, how about you?

Helga

Are you cranked out of your mind? I would never run against my dear bosom friend, Debbie.

Helga, the Debbies hate you.

Eeew, gross!

It's hideous. How long have those mice been loving in your back fat?

Helga

I don't know, but I call the white one Mitzi!

We need a new name for our club...

I propose we call ourselves the Knights of Backyardia!*

Chip

I've got a better one, how about the Lame-ass Treehouse Club for Babies?

Biff

Hah, hah, I second that. [both high-five]

Helga

[in a flirty voice] I third it.

Chip

[about Helga] Hey, did you guys know there's a giant tree toad in here?

Helga

[to Chip] I love you! [She lunges herself at Chip, who moves out of the way, and she winds up kissing Milo instead, much to her horror] Ugh! I frenched Milo! Bleck!