Harley Quinn quotes from The New Batman Adventures

Harley

Face it, Harls, this stinks! You're a certified nutso wanted in 12 states and hopelessly in love with a psychopathic clown! At what point did my life go Looney Tunes?

Harley Quinn

Knock, knock, puddin'. Say hello to your new, improved Harley Quinn!

Harley Quinn

Sweet dreams, sucker.

Harley

[weakly] My fault...I didn't get the joke...

Harley Quinn

I'm depressed, Red. Here it is, holiday time, and we're hiding out in this dingy rat-trap. No presents, no fun, no nothing. Can't we at least get a Christmas Tree?

Poison Ivy

[slams the window angrily] What?! And support the mad campaign of botanical genocide that grips this country every December?!

Harley Quinn

[falls on the bed with a yelp] But Christmas trees are so bright and fun and pretty! Oh, please, please- please-- [Ivy hits her with a pillow in the face]

Poison Ivy

Calm down, Harls. I've got a little plan that will make this the happiest Christmas ever.

Poison Ivy

Season's greetings, Brucie. Your two favourite party girls are out for some Christmas fun.

Harley Quinn

Ivy zapped you with her special lipstick back at the party!

Poison Ivy

Now we've got Gotham's handsomest, wealthiest bachelor to treat us to a holiday shopping spree!

Harley Quinn

[excitedly] Whoopee! Race you to the shoe department, Red!

Poison Ivy

You're on!

Bruce Wayne

[carrying a pile of presents] I've had... just about enough of this...!

Harley Quinn

I think the stuff is wearing off.

Poison Ivy

Can't have that. Give him another shot. [passes Harley her lipstick]

Harley Quinn

[applies it] Right-a-rooney! Gimme some sugar, baby!

Bruce Wayne

[acting afraid] No! Not again! [backs away and and falls down the elevator shaft]

Harley Quinn

OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD! We... We killed him... [shrugs] Oh, well.

Poison Ivy

We were going to do it anyway.

Harley Quinn

We got his credit cards, what's to worry?

Poison Ivy

I'll bet you've been a good little Batboy this year. Unfortunately, Harley and I are still on the naughty list.

Harley Quinn

Come on up and get your presents!

Poison Ivy

Merry Christmas, darling! [hits him with a punching glove, knocking him halfway back down]

Harley Quinn

And Happy New Year, CHUMP! [whacks him with her mallet, sending him falling into a pile of presents]

Poison Ivy

Aw, gee, Harley. You broke our new toy. [she and Harley start to leave the mall]

Harley Quinn

[dancing happily] Bye-bye, Batsy!

Poison Ivy

Well, here's you're stupid tree! You happy?!

Harley Quinn

Yeah... [a bauble falls on her head]

Joker

Quick! More bullets!

Harley Quinn

Sorry, puddin', that was our last clip. You know how expensive they are.

Batgirl

Sounds like someone turned off your cash flow.

Joker

If it's a flow you want, I'm happy to oblige.

Joker

Well, that was a complete fiasco. If we weren't so strapped for cash, I'd never have touched this job. (to Harley Quinn) Gimme the loot.

Harley Quinn

Don't you have it?

Joker

ME? You were the last one to... (The car quietly breaks down and stops as the headlights go out) I thought I told you to get gas!

Harley Quinn

We're broke, remember? What was I supposed to do, fill the tank, shoot the guy and drive off?

Joker

Mmm-hmm.

Harley Quinn

Now you tell me.

Joker

Oops, time to eject.

Harley Quinn

Hey, where's mine?

Joker

Sorry, kiddo! I could only afford one!

Harley

You cheap, penny-pinching, pasty-faced creep! I'll get you for this, ya lousy tightwad!

Poison Ivy

(To Harley) You're pathetic, you know that?

Harley Quinn

Come on, Ives. So Mr. J. got a little stressed over money. Now that he's loaded, Puddin'll buy my way out, too.

Poison Ivy

Oh, yeah... right. (shows Harley the newspaper frontpage) Sure thing, Harls.

Harley Quinn

"Joker seeks new henchgirl"? I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!

Ernie

$137 million?!

The Joker

Yes! And if I don't pay up, I'll go to jail for tax evasion! I'm crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS?! No thank you!

Hey, Mr. G? This money looks weird.

The Joker

What do you mean? (Picks up a roll of banknotes) It's a plain ol' pack of hundreds. See? There's Ben Franklin's chubby little...What? King Barlowe?! He's on this stack! And this one!

He's on every one of these thousands.

The Joker

I don't understand.

Ernie

Hey, boss. I found this. (holding a video tape)

The Joker

If I don't pay my taxes I'll go to jail, but if I admit Barlowe duped me I look like a fool.

Ernie

Maybe you can raise the money by pulling one of your classic routines, like them laughing fish?

The Joker

Good idea, Ernie. Let's let Batman know I did it SO HE CAN KICK MY KEISTER RIGHT BACK INTO ARKHAM!!! Dope. Fake Harley, any ideas?

Anything you say, Mr. G. (laugh)

Ernie

No, boss!

The Joker

(Sighs) Who'd ever think I'd miss the real one?

Harley Quinn's escaped!

Seal all exits!

Maybe she went down the laundry chute?

None of the yahoos are crazy enough to pull that old stunt.

Poison Ivy

Ha.

Harley Quinn

Help! Help! Ivy! Anybody! GET ME OUTTA HERE!