C.C quotes from The Nanny

So, tell me, Rochester. What'd you do to kill a day before I came along?

Niles

Well, truth be told, my life was a little empty...[Gives a smirk to C.C] But now I have a hobby.

I loathe you.

Niles

I despise you.

Servant.

Niles

Trollop.

Bellboy.

Niles

Brunette.

Maxwell, Fanny Nine. [Niles opens the door for her] Swine.

Niles

Chicken. [Closes the door]

Maxwell, I can not tell you how exited I am about our little weekend...[sprays perfume on her] getaway...[sprays more perfume] to Boston. [sprays more perfume]

Its a business trip C.C

Of course I know that. Work work work. In fact, I'm on my way to get a wax-I mean fax.

Niles

Don't worry sir you'll be near Salem, they know how to take care of her kind there.

Niles you don't think C.C wants to go to Boston to um...you know.

Niles

Shout the British are coming?

Maggie

Dad, Fran's picture is in Gloss magazine!

Well, what's so bad about that? She'll be thrilled. What, eyes closed, bad angle?

Maggie

[shows the magazine] She's a fashion "don't".

What's that to do with me?

Maggie

Read the caption.

"Who let her out of the house with that purse?" [gives a yell of horror]

Oh, I just remembered the charity: asthma.

Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!

Niles

[To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!

C. C.

[to Niles] Listen, Flavio...I wanna be alone with Maxwell tonight. What's it gonna cost me to make you disappear?

Niles

Try fifty bucks.

Done!

Niles

[After C.C. gives him $50 dollars] ...No, didn't work, I'm still here.

Maxwell

It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.

Fran

You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.

Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!

Fran

Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.

You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!

Maxwell

No. You did!

[Covered with egg yolks and broken egg shells] Maxwell, you've got to do something about that woman. There are people out there throwing EGGS! [Grabs a towel and walks off.]

Niles

...What? Everyone else was doing it.

C. C.

Nanny Fine, don't be hurt just because I'm closer to little Gretel than you are.

Fran

Gretel never said that!

Aren't we defensive? There's nothing wrong with being just a pretty face. In fact, it's a plus if you have no skills.

Fran

I've got skills!

Nanny Fine, identifying what's in the Godivas without a guide is not a skill. C'mon! You must know the only reason you got this job is because of your looks.

Fran

Hey! Hey! That is not true! I got this job because I lied on my resume.

C. C.

I just don't understand why Maxwell would ask Nanny Fine on a date! I should be going to Elton John's dinner, not her. I am the one with sophistication! I am the one with savvy! Why would he pick her over me?

Niles

HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!

[In tears] Why?!!... What am I doing wrong?

Niles

Well, for one thing, you've known him for 25 years or half your life and you don't even know the names of his children.

Fran

Ms. Babcock, I have something to tell you that is going to be very hard for you to take.

C. C.

[To Mr. Sheffield] YOU ASKED HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU SCUM?!! TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE I HAVE—

C.C.!! C.C.!! Ms. Fine lost Chester in Central Park.

Phew! You scared the hell out of me.

C. C.

When she gets here, I don't want any screw-ups. [Starts sniffing]

What are you doing?

I'm sniffing for Alberto VO 5, Top Ramen, anything that reeks of Nanny Fine.

Niles

Ms. Babcock. [Offers her a drink]

C. C.

Thank you, Niles, but, you know, I'm not supposed to [Gulps it down] do that.

Niles

How many times have you not done that tonight?

About eight. Niles, now that Maxwell's taken, my life is over.

Niles

Ms. Babcock, you always underestimate yourself. You have a lot to offer a man. You're witty, you're sophisticated, you're beautiful, you're sexy...

How many times have you done that tonight?

Niles

About twelve.

Niles

[With a hangover] I had so much to drink at the reception. I had the strangest nightmare that Santa Claus was trying to have his way with me.

Oh my God.

C. C.

We didn't, did we?

Niles

I'm not sure. Say "Ho ho ho".

No one can ever know that this might possibly have happened.

Niles

Well, it ain't going on my resume.

C. C.

I have to call the agency. None of these models they submitted are right for our poster.

Niles

You know, sir, if you need an attractive photogenic man, on camera I can pass for—

Hume Cronyn?

Niles, thank you for your offer but this poster really needs to sell our new show. Someone virile with huge masculinity...

Niles

[Points to C.C.] Well, there's your man.

Grace

She's rehearsing us until two in the morning!

C. C.

It's because you stink!

C.C., what do you expect when you choose "Antony and Cleopatra" for a grammar school?

How hard is it to play a pushy broad who runs around half-naked with too much makeup on? [To Grace] Have you learned nothing from your mother?

Nanny Fine I realize I have to accept the fact that you snagged my boyfriend and are about to breed what should be my babies

C.C

My Babies

you do realize that's my wife your speaking to.