Mr. Sheffield quotes from The Nanny

First day of school already, huh? Summer just flew by.

Fran

Spoken by a man who did not see The Lion King 257 times.

( asking Maxwell a question) are they with you?

(Talking about Fran and Val) No, don't know them, Never saw them, Perfect strangers

Fran

Mr. Sheffeild

Oh and I might be gay (winks and gives thumbs up to security guard)

Fran

To bad she was going to fix me up with her boss. English, Handsome, Rich all right he's got a couple of kids but i could live with that.

Well maybe next time huh.

Careful old man. [talking about Niles dropping a pan]

Niles

Oh yes sir you see, i should have used my ovenmitt, instead of this somewat inferior substitution, but i didn't realize i wanted my ovenmitt until i saw them together, then i realised that of course my ovenmitt was exactly what i wanted and goodness gracious it was under my nose the entire time. [looks at Mr Sheffield to see if he got it]

Good, glad you found it.

Niles

Think back, sir. One year ago today, someone's spiked heel dug its first gibbet into the parquet floor.

Weren't you going to get that fixed?

Niles

Come closer. One year to the day since we first learned: "If it ain't half-off, it ain't on sale."

C.C., maybe you can help shed some light on this. I mean, you're a woman.

Niles

I'm still waiting for the DNA results, sir.

Maybe I can pick something up at Bloomingdales. [about buying flowers for Fran]

But Maxwell, we have to get to the airport, you're not gonna miss this ceremony, I can't walk down the aisle alone!

Niles

I say prepare for the inevitable. [slams door in C.C.'s face as she turns around angry]

This woman, my nanny, is accused of a crime that I can assure you she didn't commit.

Prostitution?

Fran

I'm not a HOOKER! I'm a kidnapper.

Fran

You know what I think? You're jealous because Phillipe discovered something that was right under your nose.

And what would that be exactly?

Fran

My star quality!

That's rather like discovering the atomic bomb. Sounds good in theory but millions will suffer!

I KNEW IT! I knew she had no talent!

People will be walking off in the middle of her performance.

Niles

Just like one of your dates.

C. C.

What do I have to do to please anyone around this house?!

[Warningly] Niles...

Niles

But, sir. Fish gotta swim.

Maxwell

Control yourself, man.

Niles

Very well, sir. [as C.C laughs] Lemon? [Squeezes lemon into C.C's eye]

Nanny Fine, you're alone with the kid for two minutes and he wants to quit show business?!

Niles

If only we could put her in a room with Tori Spelling.

I could kill you. I could rip out your heart with my bare hands!

Fran

...She doesn't have a key to the house, does she? Oh, Mr. Sheffield, maybe it's all for the best.

No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine; it is not all for the best at all!

Fran

But you yourself said that the kid was a pain in the butt!

Alright, Miss Fine, let me see if you can follow this, hmm? Sky: blue! Fire: hot. Actor: pain in the butt! You are going to rectify this situation.

Fran

Wow, that sounds painful...

You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, take him to the best restaurant in town and order the most expensive thing on the menu!

Fran

Well, all right. But I'm not taking the limo!

Oh, yes, you are!

Fran

Slave driver! [Leaves and returns] But there is no way you are buying me a new dress!

Oh yes— [Realizes what's going on] GET OUT!

Niles

This should be quite a dinner. Miss Fine not speaking to her mother, Miss Margaret not speaking to you. That'll leave the bulk of the conversation to you and Sylvia.

Oh, God.

Niles

Oh, sir, it won't be that bad. You'll tell her how you got started in theater and she'll tell you how she removes unwanted hair.

Fran

Just for the future, Mr. Sheffield, when the kids say: "Fran said no", that's the big robot going: "Danger, Will Robinson!"

You know, I could have stayed in England.

Fran

I'll make it simple for you. Children are like a brassiere.

[With a pained look on his face] One part of me says, "Get out the window, quick!" But the other part just has to know why.

Fran

Because they divide and separate.

Ah!

Fran

Your mother never told you that?

No, but we always thought Mummy should have talked more about her underwear.

Max what are we really talking about here, I mean in one word.

Support.

Good, Fran in one word.

One word? (Laughs) Good Bloody luck (Continues to laugh and smile, Looks at Fran then looks at Sally and the Audience and nods his head)

Fran

Hey mister (Max looks at Fran while still smiling) they had to turn the music on to get you off the stage at the Tony awards (Fran points at Max and makes a talking motion with her hand, Max takes a deep breath and looks at Fran then the audience)

Kids, Maxwell will you at least concede that perhaps you could have been a little bit more sympathetic to Fran's feelings on the Picket line?

Well I suppose I, maybe i Might could have been (making faces the whole time)

Fran

I missed that Sally your gonna have to send me a transript

Well look it was a very important night for me, your important to me, ergo i wanted you there

Fran

Ergo, who's ergo? (Max looks at Fran)

Sally Sally, Girlfriend, Did you hear what the man just said? he said your important to him.

Fran

(looking at Max) it that what you said?

(looking at Fran) Yes

Fran

Well why can't they just communicate, you know if we were running the world (referring to women) there would be no wars, Right girls? (all the women in the audience agree).

But because, because there would be so much bloody talk there would be no time for war, isn't that true gentlemen? (nobody in the audience agree's with him except Niles and Brighton)