Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

C. C.

[Sees Maxwell and Fran in bed] AHHHHHHH!!!!

[jolted awake] C.C.? What the devil are you doing in here?

What am I doing in here?? Wh-what is...SHE doing in here?!

[Sees he's in bed with a woman] Oh...[Looks to see who it is] Ahh! Ms. Fine!

Fran

[Stirs awake, looks at Maxwell sleepily] Oh, I'm having that dream again...[Reaches out and touches Maxwell's cheek, realizes it's actually him] AHH! MR. SHEFFIELD! [Gathers the bedsheets around herself while scrambling out of the bed] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN–[Looks around] your room?

Niles

[To a wide-eyed, shocked C.C.] Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.

WOULD YOU ALL KINDLY GET OUT OF MY ROOM?!

Niles

[Follows a still shocked C.C. out] Happy Birthday, Ms. Babcock...

Fran

Listen I can't really explain it, but all I know is that the next morning my ears always itch. (Maxwell looks confused) Oh what, like you don't have a thing?

Alright, I sing.

Fran

Any particular song or do you just scat? (eating a scone)

(sighs) "Georgy Girl".

Fran

Really? Jee I've been working here for two years and never once heard ya sing- (realizes, Maxwell looks at her annoyed) Eeeh, great scones.

After all nothing happened right?

Fran

Right. (They smile, and both walk to opposite sides of the wall, both looking in a mirror)

(starts to sing while Fran itches her ears) "Hey there, Georgy girl, what a nice day to-" (both realize)

I want to take care of you for the rest of your life.... It would give me great pleasure if you would...

Fran

[Excited] Yeah? Yeah?!!

...let me buy you a condominium.

Fran

Huh?

For your retirement.

Fran

A condo?! That's what you want to give me for my future?!! I have never been so— Would it include carpet and plantation shutters?

Yes, of course.

Fran

Pets okay? 'Cause I probably want a cat.

Whatever you want. So... happy?

Fran

[Strangely satisfied] Yeah.

Niles

[Overhearing, shaking his head] Oy! This is gonna take forever.

C.C., tell me, did you have one of these "Sweet 16's"?

Oh, please, all those little snot noses trying to outdo each other! I didn't want one.

Fran

No friends?

Niles

None.

Brighton

I feel terrible. I should have defended you yesterday but I totally wimped out.

Fran

Oh, sweetie... sweetie, listen. All you did was pass out, puke, and pee in your pants. You were in Central Park. You fit right in.

Fran

You wouldn't believe I'm the fastest woman on Earth?

In that outfit, I would.

It's President Clinton's Renaissance Weekend. I was hoping I'd be invited.

Fran

Oh, a Renaissance Weekend. Boy, Clinton goes to those things? 'Cause I'm thinking tights and a pointy hat is not his best look.

Where is this brother of yours, C.C.?

Fran

Brother? There's a brother coming? Is he short, ugly and married?

C. C.

No, why?

Fran

Then I gotta change.

Fran

Ma, Jules is gonna be here in two minutes. Would you stop futzing with my skirt? Can you believe her? Stop it!

Ms. Fine, she's your mother. She's just pulling it down.

Fran

She's my mother. She's hiking it up.

So, ladies, what brings you to therapy?

Fran

I came because my mother has an obsession with me getting married.

Sylvia

I came because my daughter has a delusion that I have an obsession.

Yetta

I came because they brought me and I don't know how to get home from here.

Fran

I felt just like my mother when I told her I lost my virgin... [Sees Grace] Airline tickets.

Grace

Did they give you another one?

Fran

No, honey. When you lose that ticket, it's non-refundable.

Niles

Unless you get engaged to Prince Charles, then it miraculously reappears.

Fran

Ma, you have nothing to do with this!

Sylvia

I have nothing to do with my daughter's boss's daughter's sweet sixteen?

Val

Oh my God, a roach! A roach!

Fran

Well, take your shoe off and kill it!

Fran

Er...I'm letting go and you're not. Why?

Aren't you gay too?

Fran

Me? I'm not gay.

I just assumed. You're over 30, never been married, there isn't a man in your life...

Fran

Oh, honey, I'm not gay. I'm just pathetic.

Fran

Oh my god.

What? Another rat?

Fran

Worse. There's an echo in here. I just heard my own voice.