Fran Fine quotes from The Nanny

Fran

Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!

Brighton

So?

Fran

Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She's gonna wanna come in and meet all your little friends.

Brighton

[higher-pitched] So?

Fran

Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.

Brighton

[repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!

Fran

It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look from val] What? I'm still his nanny.

[to Fran] You're my nanny. You take care of my children.

Fran

But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?

Maxwell

It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.

Fran

You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.

Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!

Fran

Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.

You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!

Maxwell

No. You did!

Fran

Mr. Sheffield is going through a mid-life crisis and I don't know how to pull him out of it.

Sylvia

Marry him.

Fran

How's that gonna help him?

Sylvia

Who cares? Better we should be happy.

Fran

Ooh, croy-sants!

Niles

[correcting her] Croissants. I never thought I'd say this to you but more nasal.

Welcome aboard the Century, ladies. I'm your captain.

Fran

[With Yetta hanging onto her] How do you do? I'm Fran Fine and this is my birth control device.

Yetta

You look so different without your blue uniform and your big handlebar moustache.

Fran

Yetta, that's Cap'n Crunch.

Yetta

I know who it is. That picture on the box must have been taken years ago.

You can't trust him. He won't make you happy.

Fran

I don't want to be happy. I want to be married.

I told mother no one should get a hold of their trust fund until they're at least 30 years old.

Brighton

30?! I'm not gonna have a date 'til I'm 30!

Fran

Honey, at least when you turn 30, you'll be rich. When I turn 30, I'll be... 40.

C. C.

Nanny Fine, don't be hurt just because I'm closer to little Gretel than you are.

Fran

Gretel never said that!

Aren't we defensive? There's nothing wrong with being just a pretty face. In fact, it's a plus if you have no skills.

Fran

I've got skills!

Nanny Fine, identifying what's in the Godivas without a guide is not a skill. C'mon! You must know the only reason you got this job is because of your looks.

Fran

Hey! Hey! That is not true! I got this job because I lied on my resume.

Fran

What is it with guys? Why do they always think just because you're at a singles bar with a cute top, a tight skirt and stiletto heels, you're looking for action?

Why do women think that guys expect them to jump into bed every time they try to buy them a drink? Now, potato skins, I get you both.

Fran

I don't think so.

Val

Speak for yourself. I haven't had a potato skin in three years.

Excuse me please. I had this sweater first.

Fran

I believe you're mistaken.

I've got the cuff.

Fran

I've got the armpit.

[Grabs Grace] I've got your kid.

Fran

Hah! She's not mine.

Listen, I'm warning you. My nicotine patch fell off, my mother's in town and my boyfriend just left me for my brother.

Fran

[Points to Grace] I'm over 30, single, and I work for her!

Fran

Niles, I was thinking Mr. Sheffield was right. If I help Brighton with his project, it's only going to hurt him.

Niles

You've already gotten involved and screwed up?

Fran

Yeah.

Ms. Fine, what are you doing here?

Fran

I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured I should be a part of it.

Fran

[insinuating herself under the guise of talking about Frieda] I hope he knows he doesn't have forever because she's not gonna wait around like some schlub since she can't even spit in this town without hitting some eligible classy guy.

Good bloody luck to her catching one because men seldom date women who say the word "schlub" and rarely marry those who spit!

Fran

Why don't you give your father a chance to make up for last time? I'm sure you'll find you've got a lot in common.

No. Unlike my father, I'm not about to abandon my responsibilities for sexual gratification with some cheap floozy who works for me.

Fran

WHY?!!