Monroe quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Monroe

Don't worry, lass, other than being locked in a cage and suspended above a flaming pit of lava we're good!

Ray Ray Lee

June, you've got to get us out of here I have a conference call in 20 minutes and there's no cell phone reception here!

Boomfist

What's with the dog? I hate dogs.

Juniper Lee

Ray Ray, what is this?

Ray Ray Lee

I told you, Boomfist is the only one who can beat Wrongness.

Juniper Lee

We have a potion.

Ray Ray Lee

Yeah, that isn't gonna be ready for 12 hours. And even when it is ready, it can't get close enough to Wrongness to use it. Except Boomfist can get close to Wrongness 'cause he's from the same world, plus he's beaten him 437 times, not to mention the Boomfist Thanksgiving TV special where he did it covered in radioactive gravy.

Boomfist

Yeah, that was a rough one.

Monroe

I hate to admit it, but the boy has a point.

Boomfist

The dog talks. It gets better and better.

Monroe

Excuse me, Superpants, but I'm taking your side in this.

Ray Ray Lee

Sorry, Monroe, he's upset because dogs destroyed his home planet.

Boomfist

(sighs) If it wasn't for the cats, we'd all be dead.

Monroe

What kind of filth are you reading, boy?

Monroe

(after William sent a message) What's it say?

(reading) Well it says, oh my. It's a poem entitled, My name is Monroe, I'm a fat fatty, I can't see my feet. All I loves to do is eat, eat, eat. (to Monroe) and eat, eat, eat was underlined 3 times.

Monroe

(grabs the letter and gets angry) Rabbits, prepare for WAR!!!

Jody Irwin

Uh, we're fine?

Hey, tell me something and be honest. Does my hair look extra bouncy today? Cuz seriously, watch this! (bounces her hair)

Ophelia Ramírez

Okay, who are you and what did you do with Juniper Lee?

Oooh nothing. She's just real excited (clears up throat and does American accent) She's just real excited because she- used a new conditioner. What a dweeb, eh? (Ray Ray snorts and him and Monroe start to laugh)

Can you keep the big fella on the run for a wee bit without getting caught?

What? You kiddin'? With legs this long I can outrun a greyhound!

Then off you go! Run like the wind!

Monroe

Look at ya! You're GORGEOUS! It's like Monroe.... in stereo!

Ray Ray Lee

Lemme see that stone! No way I'm staying like this for- hey, wait a minute.... I've got a tail!

Monroe

And do you think you can to defeat them alone?

Ray Ray Lee

No, but I can hide under the bed like a girl.

Monroe

Oh, look, it's a cute little rabbit, why hello there you wee creature, did you went to look carrots?

Juniper Lee

Yes, cute (pause)...and also sporting an extra pair of legs.

Oh man.

I'm out of practice.

Bigfoot! (walk away back to the campsite while she carries Roger)

Monroe

Pardon me lass, but wouldn't actually be trying to win this thing, would ya?!

Juniper Lee

And what if I am?

Monroe

Have you completely lost your senses?! You're the Te Xuan Ze for pity's sake! Not only is that an unfair advantage, but you're attracting too much attention.

Juniper Lee

Oh please, I am totally working under the radar here. Bit by bit I am carefully, carefully, edging out the competition.

Jody Irwin

June! You just did 173 pull-ups! That's a new international record!

Monroe

You're beating everyone like rugs, knock it off!

Juniper Lee

Fine! Buzz kill.

Monroe

[after seeing Ophelia protest] She's not making a lick of sense.

Ray Ray Lee

Who cares?! It's buying us time, isn't it?!

Ray Ray Lee

I mean, did you even SEE how much soda I drank today? (Monroe looks over and sees a huge pile of soda cans)

Monroe

Alright lad, (opens the chimney up) but I'm going to need your word as a gentlemen to... (Ray Ray comes out quickly and traps Monroe, then goes over to where June's trapped)

Ray Ray Lee

Hang on sis, I'll have ya outta there before ya can say dragon boogers! (cut to June inside)

Juniper Lee

Ray Ray? (cut back, Ray Ray lets her out) You rule Ray Ray!

Dennis Lee

...and I know you're gonna freak out but just stay with me, OK. (takes a deep breath) Magic, is real.

Juniper Lee

...Wow. Figure that out all by yourself?

Dennis Lee

Get ahold of yourself!

Juniper Lee

I'm fine Dennis, you on the other hand, know too much.

Dennis Lee

What? (Monroe throws Goblin Dust on him, he coughs) Did the dog just throw powder on me?!

Monroe

Uh-oh.

What?

Monroe

Apparently we've Goblin Dusted 'im so much he's developed an immunity to it.

Juniper Lee

He knows but, only enough to get himself killed out there. He needs to know.

Dennis Lee

(about to go on a "world-saving mission") Farewell sister, for I may not return. (leaves, June chases after him)

Juniper Lee

Dennis, wait! I've gotta tell you something!

Monroe

Lass, no! Ya can't tell 'em the truth!