Do me a favor and say, "happy anniversary."
I will when she says, "happy birthday."
[They exchanges hellos with Ruxin and Sofia]
SofiaThank you. This is the same dress that I wore at my rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding.
Oh, the night before my birthday?
Sofia
My wedding.
Sofia
My wedding.
Sofia
My wedding five years ago. Can you believe the dress still fits? Actually, I had to take in it just a little bit.
I am going to go get a drink.
SStacy (Andre's date)
It is so great to finally meet you guys in person. Rodney?
SStacy
Oh, my God. I found some of your college poetry—on an archived Prodigy page—and I just have to say, "Hernando's Song" was beautiful.
Sofia
What is she talking about?
SStacy
It is beautiful. And you, Kevin. How many times do I have to poke you before you accept my friend request on Facebook?
I don't even know who you are.
SStacy
Sofia, oh, my God. [leaning in close] By the way, love the nose job; it's perky, cute, but it doesn't rob you of your ethnicity, you know? Anyway, I'm going to grab a drink. Do you want something?
Whatever you're having. [They kiss and Stacy walks away] Isn't she great?
Sofia
She's weird.
What do you mean, she's weird? No.
Sofia
Shit's natural, bitch.
Okay, guys, just chill out. She Googled you guys.
No, no, she Googled too deep. She's a deep Googler. She's like page five shit, man.
No, actually, I am kind of curious about this poetry thing you've got going on, Rodney.
[on his iPad] I got it right here. "With auburn hair and dark, dark eyes, Hernando rode the steed of love into the gallows of my heart."
[on video will] Hello, I'm Rodney Ruxin. Everyone calls me Ruxin. And this is my last will and testament. First of all, congratulations for knowing me. You really knocked it out of the park, friend-wise. But now I have moved on—left this world for a better place.
My prize golf clubs I leave to Pete. No, Kevin... Wha... Andre...
No... Pete... No, Kev... You know what, no, throw 'em away.
Nope, sell them on Craigslist. No, you know what, throw them away.
It's classic. He even tinkers with his will.
Craigslist. Craigslist. A few things to clear up. Pete, your Paul's Boutique vinyl—I took it.
I listened to it, I scratched it, I threw it away and blamed it on the lacrosse team.
Son of a bitch. [noticing Sofia] Sorry.
To Jenny--honestly, I don't get it. I don't see what Kevin sees in you. I don't get you guys; never did.
Sofia
Yeah.
Now, if I die or am incapacitated during the regular season, I bequeath my team to... Andre.
He picked me. Out of all of you, he picked me. This is great. I mean...
Andre, the shit just got really real.
And you better not fuck this up.
This has been my last will and testament. I mean, whatever, I'm dead now. So I just want to wish you one last hearty and heartfelt... Suck it!
This is Sofia, the light of my life.
She's the most beautiful woman in the world.
Sofia
Aw...
Sofia
I love you so much.
[He kisses Sofia]
[sick] Sofia Ruxin forever unclean.
Sofia
I love you.
GGail
All right, you know what? I don't have to take this. You really messed this up. You could've had sex with the most pathetic, insecure, desperate woman you've ever met. I would have let you put me in a cage!
GGail
Have fun in your cage alone!
[as she leaves] Later, Gail.
Sofia
What was that all about?
Oh, I was just messing around. But by the way, great kiss.
Sofia
Really?
[to Ruxin] I hope you're getting a lot of this, man because this is some terrific kissing right here my sister does.
Sofia
I'm a good kisser.
I mean, you're such a good kisser, you got my dick hard, and I'm your brother.
Sofia
Oh, come on, I didn't make you hard.
You can check. You can check.
The League · 151 quotes
