Brent quotes from The Good Place

Eleanor

Brent? Come on in.

Eleanor

So you, Brent Norwalk, are dead.

Brent

Really? Well, that blows. Ah, yanno what, maybe it's a good thing, actually. Some journalist was poking around, calling all these ladies who used to work for me. You can't even make a joke these days. Everything's so PC. And I was an equal opportunity offender, okay? I made jokes about EVERYBODY. And, by the way, I'm the furthest thing from racist. My DENTIST was a black woman. I just think people need to loosen up. So where am I, exactly?

Michael

...The Good Place.

Brent

Oh, cool. Good.

Brent

Michael! Eleanor!

Eleanor

Brent, I'm so sorry, we don't know why all this is happening.

Brent

Well, I do. This chaos is clearly all about me. This is the universe telling me that I don't belong here.

Michael

Brent, what do you mean?

Brent

I don't belong in the Good Place. I mean, obviously there's a place better than this. I belong THERE. In the Best Place.

Michael

Walk me through this, Brent, I'm not sure we follow.

Brent

Well, I've been feeling this way for a while now. I mean, this can't be all the afterlife has to offer. Not to the cream of the crop. I mean, if this is Heaven, then where are my guys? Where's Scotty and Schultzy and Porcupine? Where's White Guillermo? And where is Mexican William? And what about Squirt Man?

Eleanor

He makes a good point. You know, what ABOUT Squirt Man?

Brent

Also, frankly, my assistant Janet is a little uptight. I mean, she hasn't worn ANY of my gifts.

Michael

Have you been asking Janet to make herself clothes that you...give BACK to her?

Eleanor

Yeah, you're doing the math right there, bud.

Brent

Look, this chaos which is clearly all about me is a sign. If this is the Good Place, I belong in the Best Place. So, figure it out. [slaps Michael's shoulder.] Get back to me, okay?

Eleanor

I'm gonna go punch a wall with my head, I'll meet up with you later.

Eleanor

Guys, we are so sorry about your ordeal. We just have a few questions for you, uh, where are John and Simone? We can't find them.

Chidi

They...left. I don't know where they went.

Brent

Typical. Disloyal jerks.

Chidi

You know, man, actually...they REALLY tried with you and you made it very hard to be your friend.

Brent

You wanna know what happened? They got jealous because I'm going to the Best Place. They bugged out.

Chidi

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE BEST PLACE! Don't you get it? They're torturing you. They're torturing ALL OF US!

Chidi

Because this is the BAD Place.

Eleanor

Awww, MAN! I can't believe you figured it out!

Brent

Wait...he's RIGHT? This is the BAD Place?

Eleanor

Yeeeah...dammit, he's right...

Michael

Yeah, we had a good run, though, didn't we?

Eleanor

Yeah, we did.

Brent

So...no Best Place?

Eleanor

[mockingly] "OH SO NO BEST PLACE?"

Michael

Oh, Brent, you big white oaf. Never change, bud. [chuckles]

Eleanor

Well, I guess we should let them know you guys are on your way.

Michael

Yeah.

Brent

Wait...on our way WHERE?

Michael

The ACTUAL Bad Place, They let us toy with you a little just for kicks, but now you're going...[squeaks while pointing downward, then leans toward Brent's ear] And trust me on this: It's a LOT WORSE.