Trevor quotes from The Good Place

Trevor

This is the 3:18 to the Bad Place, making thousands of stops for literally no reason. Now, you'll notice it's very hot in here, and it will get one degree hotter every time you think about how hot it is. Oops. You just thought about it.

Trevor

One final note: the dining car is at the very back of the train. It serves only room-temperature Manhattan clam chowder, and also, it's closed.

Well, I was living in what I assume is Eleanor's worst nightmare. Every day was basically one endless baby shower for a woman I didn't know, but also somehow I had to organize it. And if I didn't remember everyone's name, I got a very strong electric shock.

Trevor

Yep that was my pitch.

Eleanor

You know, maybe I'm not as great as Real Eleanor, but I'm better than I used to be. I'm medium-good. Why haven't you forkers invented a medium place?

Trevor

Look, I know you've been trying to become a "better person," I mean, you didn't want to get caught. I get it. But I read your file. You don't belong here. I mean, she spent her weekends breaking up dog fighting rings. You once saw a meter maid writing you a ticket, and you barked like a dog till she ran away. I mean, honestly, you'll be happier in the Bad Place. I mean, don't get me wrong, you'll be miserable. We will torture you, but you'll also be happier because you won't have to keep trying to fit in somewhere you just don't belong.

Trevor

Oh, yeah, we're not negotiating. See, Fake Eleanor and I, we bro-ed down pretty hard last night. We hooked up.

Eleanor

No, we didn't!

Trevor

Yeah, but who are they gonna believe... me or a woman?

Trevor

Look, if you don't come with us, we're gonna have to turn this matter over to Shawn.

Michael

Oh, oh, no, um, Shawn, really?

Chidi

What uh, who's Shawn?

Michael

He's the wise, eternal Judge who sits on high, has the final say on all disputes between our two realms.

Tahani

And his name is... "Shawn"?

Hello, Mindy. My name is Beadie. I'm from the Good Place, and welcome to your first day in the afterlife.

Trevor

What's up, idiot? Sorry I'm late, babe. Hey, are you pregnant?

That's not possible.

Trevor

Congrats. Yeah, so, Mindy, look. You mostly sucked, but then you did this one good thing. I mean, I still think we should get you...

They didn't, but neither did we. A compromise was made: the neighborhood you are in now by yourself. You submitted a list of things you wanted; the Good Place provided those things.

Trevor

Yeah, and the Bad Place made some modifications.

We got you your favorite beer.

Trevor

Yeah, but it's always warm.

On your jukebox, you'll find every song ever sung.

Trevor

Yeah, by The Eagles, and it's only the live versions. Also, there's some spoken word poetry from William Shatner. It's deeply terrible.

You get the idea. Welcome to eternal mediocrity. Welcome to the Medium Place.