[Rose is excitedly telling the girls about an episode of "The New Lassie"]
Rose, did I mention I cry every Thursday? [looks at watch] At 8:05. [voice breaking] Excuse me! [she leaves the kitchen]
S6 E10Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...Before They Die
I just got a special delivery letter from St. Olaf! Uh-oh, it's from the Department of Water and Coffee.
Coffee?
No thanks, it makes me jumpy.
Rose, what does the letter say?
You read it, Dorothy. I need both hands to cover my ears in case it's bad news.
[reading] "Dear St. Olafian, I am afraid there's bad news."
[fingers in her ears] What?
[reading] "There's a drought in St. Olaf which threatens the crops."
Oh, no! I'd better send water.
[reading] "Please do not send water. We have found that envelopes leak. Until the rains come, we ask that all citizens be celibate, except for Ulf the Umbrella King; he has suffered enough."
TTony
[in bed with Sophia] Where does a sweet Sicilian girl like you learn how to do those things?
I live with a slut.
TTony
Thank her for me.
[on Tony] Last night I dreamed I was Joan of Arc and he was coming at me with a hose!
Ma, maybe it was just a religious experience dream.
Did he put out the fire?
Three times.
Wow, the seldom-achieved Joan of Arc Fantasy Triple! Sophia, I hate you.
All right girls, I want to present Blanche Devereaux's latest creation... I took an 84-year-old woman and made her look like a 65 year old drag queen! Then I said to myself, "Blanche, too much rouge."
What if I got gorgeous for nothing? What if Tony doesn't even notice me?
Well, that's his hard luck. There are other fish in the sea.
Yeah, and all the ones my age are floating on the top!
Now Ma, remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
I think I crossed that line when I got a date.
I hope you're ready for a swell time Rose.
[Who has to stay celibate until water comes in St Olaf ] Sure just give me a minute. [Goes to Blanche] What if he wants to go back to his place?
Tell him you have a lot of work to do at home.
I don't wanna lie.
When you get home I'll make you clean out the garage.
Thanks Blanche, I owe you one.
S6 E11Stand By Your Man
[deceitfully posing Sophia as her grandmother] Having a chaperone is an old Southern tradition. Grammy brought me up since I was a child. She's the one who taught me how to put up peach preserves and make my own clothes.
We was po'.
TTed
Blanche, you didn't strike me as the type who needed a chaperone.
Well as I said, it's a tradition. We Southern families stick together.
We sho' do.
All right, WHO or WHAT ate the heel off of one of my new red pumps?!
[attempting to take the blame for Bingo] I did.
[posing as Blanche's grandmother] Well, mercy me! Looks like my little magnolia just turned into a big ho.
Now, let me get this right - dinner at your place tonight. What kind of girl do you think I am, and how could you tell so fast?
[on Rose and Bingo] Oh, great. We've gotta live with a sad-eyed, hyperactive nuisance with the intelligence of a squeaky toy. And now she's got a dog!
[to Dorothy] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
What favors?
[to Sophia] I need a chaperone. Now do I have to call in all the favors you owe me?
I don't owe you any favors!
Oh, really? "But officer, the little old lady was with me; she couldn't possibly have put that banana in your tailpipe!"
It'd be an honor to serve.
Rose, we have to talk. Now look, the food dish is overturned, there is a hole in the newspaper, the potted palm out in the hallway has been dug up. I cannot live like this!
Dorothy, please, please don't send me away, I'll try harder!
I'm talking about the dog.
Oh. In that case, I also saw him slip two twenties out of your purse.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.