The Golden Girls · Season 6
You know, Sophia, this birthday thing kinda has me depressed as well. You think you could help me, too?
Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You're old, you sag, get over it.
Sophia!
So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, you fossil.
My mistake. I thought since you looked like Yoda you were also wise.
[beginning a St. Olaf story] We had a gigantic black hole back in St. Olaf.
Oh God!
On Main Street, right in front of the courthouse where Charlie and I got our marriage license and our permit to have kids. Oh my, it was a lovely hole. Everybody in town would stand around it and look in.
and they say Hollywood is the Entertainment Capital of the World.
Well we didn't just look, sometimes we'd point too, or spit and time it.
whimpering. She buries her head in her palm.
Then there was always that wise guy who'd have a few drinks and unzip himself.
It's official. I hate her.
Oh, Pussycat, just the person I'm looking for. I have a question for you, strictly hypothetical. Let's say a man wants to take you on a date.
Why is that hypothetical?
Check your calendar, Pussycat.
Oh, wait a minute, you forgot to answer the questions on the back and I still need a picture.
Can you settle for a thousand words?
No.
[after telling the story of how her nanny left her] We Southerners don't forget things like that.
It's true. Possum is brain food.
Will I see you again?
Probably not. I will be at the Florida State Women's Prison.
The one in Jacksonville? They used to come to our dances. Why are you going there?
Murder!
Ooh...you're gonna meet some great gals.
[in a small voice] Hi, Pussycat.
SAY GOODBYE, OLD WOMAN!
Have a good time?
Do I sound like I had a good time?
How the hell should I know? You're always like this.
Ma, will you stop meddling in my life? I am sick of it! I told you, if I want a date I can find one for myself!
Oh, Dorothy, dear sweet delusional Dorothy.
Blanche, if you don't mind, I'm having a heart to heart with my mother. [turns to Sophia] Now, listen up, you withered old Sicilian monkey!
I don't have to take this! Keep it up, and I'll send you to Shady Pines!
That's where I take you!
Ouch... guess I backed into that one.
[telling a story about St. Olaf's moodiest plastic surgeon] Dr. Olfnooner did some work on my mom, and do you who she came out looking like? Raymond Massey!
Rose, that's terrible!
Well, that's what I thought when I accused the guy of malpractice and ruined his business. Unfortunately, little did I know...
Know what, Rose?
That was the look she was going for!
I wish men would have breasts, just for one day. Then they'd know what it's like to be judged by some physical trait. I mean, just because I'm built like this, you wouldn't believe how many people think I'm dumb!
Rose, you're too hard on yourself. I know people who think you're dumb over the phone.
[meeting Blanche] Blanche Devereaux! I've heard quite a bit about you!
All good, I hope.
I'm sorry, I can't reveal things learned in Confession. But it's nice to match a name up with a face.
Oh, Blanche, you did a pretty good job focusing this for Rose, and for me. I have to admit, you would have made a very good psychologist.
Great idea, pussycat. Give Blanche an office with a couch and a license to charge by the hour.
Oh, a student pays attention, works hard, gets good grades. Does that make him a geek?
Uh, no, that makes him a dork. Geek is more like, y'know, somebody with no friends, stays home every Saturday night, nose always buried in a book.
[to Sophia, who is opening her mouth to speak] One word out of you and I cut off your supply of Metamucil.
[signing Kevin's cast] We'll just change this to Miss Zbornak eats shit-ake mushrooms.
A woman has the option to say no. Honey, you weren't given that option. You were given nitrous oxide.
Blanche, when have you ever said "no?"
Did I say there was gonna be a question and answer period after I spoke?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
