S4 E8 Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket
[trying to convince the bodyguard at the thrift shop to hand over the aviator jacket with the winning lottery ticket inside] Look, if you don't mind, I would like to see this Michael.
B Bodyguard
You and the rest of Miami! Sorry, the entire engagement is SOLD OUT! Michael! [tosses jacket over the heads of the other bodyguards and into the clutches of a person wearing a black sequined glove; the bodyguards leave]
OH! Do you know who that is?!
Sure! It's the guy from the Pepsi commercials!
Pepsi commercial? ... Michael? ... Oh my God, that's Michael J. Fox!!!
[after the girls lose the auction for the aviator jacket] I guess now I'll never get to fly on the Concord!
And I'll never get to buy that emerald pendant to dangle between my perky bosoms.
And I'll never get to buy perky bosoms.
[Rose tries to help Clayton tell Blanche that he is homosexual]
Well, I ran into Rose in the park and...
And we had a long talk and....
And....we slept together tonight.
[Blanche tries to apologize to Rose]
Rose, honey, there's something I have to say to you. It's just two little words but, they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.
I shouldn't have got you mixed up in all this. It's just so hard to tell Blanche the truth.
Clayton, you're selling your sister short. Now at times Blanche can be very understanding and compassionate, and forgiving.
Get away from my baby brother you cradle snatchin', empty headed, two-faced dummy!
And then at other times she can be a real bitch.
[Rose walks to the door to answer it, but she doesn't open it yet]
I really have to run now. I'm fixing a terrific late-night supper for Katherine.
Oh, really? In thirty-eight years of marriage, you never once cooked a terrific meal for us.
[Sophia has just been hospitalized and Blanche returned to Dorothy and Rose with beverages]
None. Oh, I hate waiting.
I hate when the people put each other down on Love Connection .
Stan came by and stayed with me. Brought me food, held me. Showed me that special part of himself.
Right there in the waiting room?
Dorothy [looking disgusted] Not that part, Rose!
Blanche, we can't let Dorothy ruin Stan and Katherine's wedding. I mean, it's selfish, it's adolescent and it'd put a real cramp in their honeymoon.
[Dorothy enters the room]
[continuing] For somebody who's supposed to be so smart, Dorothy's acting like a real goober!
[Dorothy notices, but remains silent as she walks towards Rose]
And don't think I won't be able to say that right to her face. 'Course, I'd have to stand on a chair!
[Dorothy puts a chair behind Rose as she laughs hesitantly]
Will you girls excuse me, my girdle is killing me.
And knowing him, a sock in his crotch.
Bartender, give me another.
B Bartender
Come on, lady. You don't need another.
B Bartender
You've had three already!
B Bartender
Fine. It's your life. Just don't blame me if you get sick. [places a basket of popcorn on the table]
[Stan's fiancé, Katherine, enters the bar at the hotel where they're getting married.]
B Bartender
What can I get you, lady?
How about a shot of self-confidence?
B Bartender
Let me guess. You didn't come in here to drink. You've got a problem and need someone to talk to. Am I right?
B Bartender
Then take a quarter and call a shrink. This ain't Cheers !
[Stan's fiancé, Katherine, is talking to Dorothy without realizing that the woman she's talking to is Dorothy, Stan's ex-wife.]
[about Dorothy] See, he's got this ex-wife.
You better be careful what you say. I happen to be an ex-wife.
Not like his, I'm sure. No one's like her! She's superwoman. She was the perfect wife! Cooked, cleaned, had two kids, got an education, has never looked better, and now she has a career!
That wasn't a marriage. That's a commercial for a mini pad.
Her name is Dorothy, and she's coming to our wedding. I mean, they're still friends! Listen to me. I'm so intimidated by a woman I've never even met.
Well, that's understandable. I mean, she sounds pretty terrific. I bet she's gorgeous too.
No, the daughter had a nose job and she had her mother's nose. Evidently, it was a honker!
[on Stan] He's smart, he's funny... and the best lover I've ever had.
You haven't slept around much, have you?
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