[to Marguerite] So what's all this about you putting a curse on my daughter?
[doomed] We're all gonna be turned into kumquats.
S3 E4The Housekeeper
S3 E5Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself
[about Dorothy's joke] Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.
The way to relax when you have to speak in front of a group of people is to imagine what they all look like naked.
Really?
Yep. And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh.
[stares at Rose for a few seconds, shrugs, and then begins staring at Dorothy, then bursts out laughing hysterically. After a few seconds Rose starts to laugh too. Dorothy, exasperated, exits the room.]
What if you were giving a eulogy for me, Dorothy? What would you say?
Well... I think I'd say that you were a kind, generous and loving person, and one of the best friends I've ever had.
Nothing about my looks?
Okay, I'd say you were one of the prettiest friends I've ever had.
Only "one of"?
The, Blanche! The prettiest. ... What would you say about me?
Dorothy...
I told you, you can tell me.
Well, I think I'd say that... I always felt safe having you in the house. And I'd say that I always enjoyed talking to you when I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I'd say that I always looked up to you, like an older sister.
Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing: I would also say you're fat.
Night after night I had this awful dream that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men!
Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second...
Damn! I don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through.
Girls, I have some bad news. I am not going to be able to go with you [to the funeral].
Why not?
It's Ma. She's sick. I'm going to have to take her to the hospital.
Oh, Doro-... wait a minute! She - she left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago!
She called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. Right now she is doubled over with cramps, crying out with pain and... [Sophia enters the house, looking perfectly healthy]... making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper!
Are you all right, Sophia?
Of course I'm all right. It's just that halfway to the contest, I realized I forgot the wine.
For your mussels marinara?
No, for me. I always drink wine during cooking contests and My Sister Sam.
Dorothy, Sophia's not sick! She didn't eat a bad cannoli! So whoever called and said that was just making the whole thing up.
Rose, do me a favor and fasten your seatbelt... over your mouth!
Rose, I take it that no member of your family was ever a returning champion on Jeopardy!.
S3 E6Letter to Gorbachev
I'm concerned about nuclear war!
And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.
[Singing to the tune of "Thanks for the Memory"] "Thanks for the Medicare / For Blue Cross and Blue Shield / For a hip that finally healed / Remember, on prescriptions, generic is a steal / We thank you so much!" Okay, what did you think? Now don't hold back, I can take the criticism.
Depressing.
Awful.
Stinky.
[Unplugging her boombox and storming out] Go to hell, all of ya!
Dorothy! I've just been speaking to that good looking reporter over there who just got back from Russia, and he told me some very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime, and they don't have many attractive women – do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June!
S3 E7Strange Bedfellows
[about the article in the paper about her supposed affair with Gil Kessler] You girls don't believe this. Well, I mean, I'm not denying that's me in the photograph but I am denying that anything happened. I just dropped off his folder.
Then why does it say here that you were in his house for two hours?
We were just talking.
Then why does it say the explosion was so great it shattered windows in the building next door?
Rose, that's an article about an earthquake in Guatemala!
My backside is spread all across the front page! How could they do that?
They probably used a wide-angle lens.
Ma, ma, you promised you'd stay in your room 'til the meeting was over.
Who am I, ALF?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.