[Rose and Sophia are playing Trivial Pursuit]
Who was known as the world's fastest human being?
Dominic Tanzi.
It says Jesse Owens here.
Trust me, it was Dominic Tanzi. He got four women pregnant in one night. Two in New York, two in New Jersey.
S1 E14That Was No Lady
I am going out with a new man tonight and he is not Italian.
Oh, who is he, Dorothy?
Oh, his name is Glenn O'Brien.
Where'd you meet him?
His name is O'Brien. Two to one she met him at a gin mill.
Hi, Ma.
So you've started up with your married man again.
How did you know?
I'm The Amazing Kreskin! I was listening outside the door.
Oh Ma.
Oh, I can't put my ear to the door but you can put your....
Ma!
[talking to Dorothy after Dorothy returns from a date with Glenn] Oh, so you spent the evening at dinner!
No, we spent dinner at dinner. We spent the evening at a motel.
A motel?!! Dorothy! A cheap, tawdry, bare-bulbed den of iniquity?!
We didn't drive to Sodom and Gomorrah, Rose.
My great-granddaddy always said, there are two things you never sell to a friend - a car and a slave - because if either one of 'em quits workin' you'll never hear the end of it. Of course, they hanged my great-granddaddy. He said a lot of things he shouldn't have.
[on the car she was planning to sell Rose] It's the noisiest thing to come out of Detroit since Martha & The Vandellas.
S1 E15In A Bed of Rose's
I can't tell her her husband died in my bed.
Tell her you went to turn on the sprinklers, and you found him on the lawn.
That's not bad...
Oh, Rose.
Well, I've never had to do this before! Tell a wife that her husband's been cheating on her with me! That's the hardest thing ever to have to tell anybody.
Oh, no, it's not! How about having to tell a pregnant woman that her husband's been cheating on her...with her own sister...and you're the sister...and you're pregnant too. By her husband.
You...didn't!
Not me! Last night on Dallas! Or Dynasty or Falcon's Landing, or one of those, they're all the same.
Oh! I thought you were the one-
Oh please! I could never do a thing like that. And if you ever saw my brother-in-law, you'd know why!
[to Rose] There's a man in your bed.
...Sophia, there's not!
[to Rose] Why, you devil, you!
So that was what we heard! Rose!
Rose got lucky!
Not so lucky. The man in your bed is dead.
Who is he?
His name is Al.
No, I mean what does he do?
He imports diamonds.
Oh, damn, I hope he's not dead!
Fine, let a dead guy lie there. It's gonna be 98 degrees today. It won't be pretty.
Oh, I'm sure he's not dead. Rose, go look.
Come on Dorothy, he's sleeping. I don't want to wake him.
You could light firecrackers in his nostrils, you won't wake him.
[recalling the night her husband died] The night George died, the telephone rang and a highway patrolman said, "Pardon me, ma'am, do you have a yellow convertible and a husband named George?" I said, "Yes, of course, good grief, what's happened?" and he said, "Hold on, ma'am." Put me on hold with that music while you wait. I sat there at two in the morning listenin' to Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. And then, after an eternity, he comes back on the line eatin' chips. And he says, "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm the only one here, my phone's been ringin' off the hook." And I said, "Officer, what about my husband?" And then he said - crunchin' his chips - "Oh, he's dead. Wrong way driver hit him head-on. Totally dead, ma'am (crunch crunch)."
Oh, no!
Puts me on hold and then eats Doritos while he tells me my life is over! [about telling Mrs. Beatty about Al's death] Oh, Rose has to tell her. Rose won't eat chips.
I never eat chips, I don't like 'em. They fall in my bra.
S1 E16The Truth Will Out (a.k.a.) The Will
You caught me one night sneaking out of the kitchen naked with an oreo in my mouth. We have no secrets.
Wills make people do crazy things.
Like what Blanche?
Do you know what they just uncovered in the Duncan Osgood murder case? That the day before she was murdered, Tippi Paxton Osgood had changed her will, making Duncan the sole heir to the Paxton Napkin fortune! [Dorothy stares at her] That man is guilty!
Oh come on, that's circumstantial evidence, I mean, it's not enough to convict him.
Well actually, the more damning evidence was the snapshot of Duncan dressed in scuba gear dragging Tippi's body down the stairs, wrapped in a carpet. [Dorothy stares at her again]
Maybe it was from their wedding album.
My whole life is an open book.
Your whole life is an open blouse!
My granddaughter wants to be an astronaut.
CCharley
Not really, grandma. I just want to meet boys who want to be astronauts.
Me too!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.