[meeting Frank for the first time, is stunned that he is a priest] Good evening, Father. My, my, this must be an important cause. Don't you usually make the nuns ask for money? I'll get my purse.
FFrank
I- I'm Frank. I'm here to see Dorothy.
You're the hunk? I mean... forgive me, Father. That is, forgive my language, uh- not in your official capacity. I'm not even Catholic, I'm a Baptist and you can't forgive us Baptists. ... Sweet Jesus, why am I babblin'? ... I meant that in all due reverence. I never take the Lord's name in vain. Oh God, now I'm lyin' to a priest! Why don't you just come on in and sit down? I'm, I'm Blanche, I'm Dorothy's roommate. Would you get the door?
FFrank
Dorothy's told me a great deal about you.
[nervously]] Well, she seems to have left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
FFrank
That I'm a priest?
What'd she think, you were just a boring dresser?
FFrank
She's never seen me in cleric's clothing.
I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off.
FFrank
We do a lot of things real people do.
Except for one very important thing. Boy, is that gonna put a hitch in Dorothy's plans.
[in confessional at church] I'm not here to confess, Father, I did that a day and a half ago. At my age, how much can I sin? What, I had an impure thought? I'd kill to have an impure thought. But that would be two sins. But now I'm telling you your business. Let me get to the real point of my visit. It's about you and my daughter. I know everything, and frankly, I'm not thrilled.
[Cut to inside the confessional. Sophia thinks the priest she is talking to is Frank, but it's actually a different priest. The priest inside the confessional looks horrified.]
Of course, if you want to break your mother's heart and leave the priesthood, that's between you and the Vatican. But there are a few things you should know about Dorothy before you get carried away.
DDeacon
[outside confessional] So, Frank, have you made your decision?
FFrank
I think I can serve God and the Church better as a teaching priest at St. Helen instead of a parish priest here.
DDeacon
Well, we're gonna miss you around here.
[inside confessional, still thinking she is talking to Frank] Look, I know priests are men and they have urges. What is it, lust? It'll pass. I do without, you get used to it. Get cable TV.
FFrank
Where are we gonna find an adult with a child-like naïveté to play Henny Penny?
[Rose enters through the front door]
You're not gonna believe it! I just saw a cloud that looked exactly like a cotton ball!
FFrank
My God, she is Henny Penny!
The Golden Girls · 1,009 quotes
