[after giving blood to save Jasper's life]
Gee, you save a guy's life and all you get is apple juice and a cookie?
S4 E11The Auction
SSid
[about the damaged roof] Yeah, I could patch it up for you, but that won't stop more leaks when it rains again.
What are you trying to say, Sid?
SSid
Really? You couldn't follow that?
She has trouble following Murder, She Wrote.
[Blanche is trying to convince her not to use a favorite towel of hers to mop up the mess from the leaking roof] Blanche, please! I am in no mood to hear about the parade of endless sexual encounters that you have experienced up and down the Florida coastline with only this towel between your hot flesh and the cold wet sand!
I brought my son, Skippy, home from the hospital in this towel, Dorothy.
You're lying, Blanche.
Damn you're good!
S4 E12Blind Date
[about football] Little bodies don't like it when big bodies fall on them.
Which is why Raymond Burr never married!
[entering the house with the football team] Make way for the victors!
You won the big game?
[sarcastically] No Rose, we lost and we all changed our names to Victor.
S4 E13The Impotence of Being Ernest
Gin!
Sophia, we're playin' Hearts.
I know, I felt like drinking some. If I'm gonna get through a boring Saturday night with you two, I'll need a buzz.
[to Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia] Were you three listening to our conversation?!
Absolutely not. You know we would never eavesdrop.
They made me do it. When I turn my hearing-aid up to ten, I can hear a canary break wind in Lauderdale!
[on Ernie] Impotent? Are you sure?
Oh Blanche, what would you have done, asked him to prove it?
[on Ernie] But I still can't understand why he hasn't even approached the subject of... you know... sex. I mean, not that I'm in a hurry or anything, but we have been dating awhile.
Honey, sometimes you have to stoke a man's fire a little bit.
Words of wisdom from the human torch.
If you ask me, people rely too much on sex in relationships anyway.
EErnest
You're right. I mean, what is sex, after all?
Two clunky old bodies thrashing around against each other. Like animals.
EErnest
You get all sweaty, and flushed.
Your hair gets mussed.
EErnest
You lose your breath.
You lose your earrings.
EErnest
[steadily turned on] Your mouth waters...
[steadily turned on] Your nose runs...
EErnest
...your heart races...
...your blood races...
EErnest
...Rose...
...say it, Ernie...
EErnest
It's time, Rose.
[raises hand] Check, please!
S4 E14Love Me Tender
I know I'm plain to look at, but everything I do seems to drive the opposite sex crazy! I don't do it on purpose, it just happens! The way I look at a woman, the way I make love to a woman, the way I kiss a woman, the way I make love to a woman.
You said "make love" twice.
I know. It's my favorite.
[explaining to Rose that her relationship with Eddie is purely physical] Honey, there is more to Eddie than meets the eye. But the only thing we have in common is under the sheets.
What's under the sheets?
His cappuccino maker. SEX, Rose! I am talking SEX! We don't go to dinner, we don't go to the movies, we just go to bed, and it is TERRIFIC.
Wow, all that and cappuccino too?!
I don't look right in American clothes. I have a more European body.
Oh, in Europe do they all have big butts too?
You see, after 25 years of marriage, my wife Roberta sent me a "Dear John" letter.
That's terrible, married 25 years and she doesn't know your name is Eddie!
I'd better get going. I've caused enough trouble.
Look, Eddie, can't we see each other occasionally just as friends?
It won't work. It's like trying to eat one potato chip. Au revoir. Oh, hello, Sophia.
Hello, Eddie. Eddie, I never noticed that beauty mark on your neck.
What beauty mark?
That one! [Sophia jumps into Eddie's arms and starts kissing his neck]
Sophia! Sophia!
[last lines]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.