“All Eventualities” quotes from The Gentlemen

Geoff Seacombe

Like to join me in a glass of, uh, sloe gin, Your Grace?

Thanks, Geoff.

Geoff Seacombe

[referring to hedgehog on chair] You can put Milligan on the floor there. It’s way past his bedtime anyway.

Right. [relocates Milligan]

Geoff Seacombe

Yeah, anywhere will do. [referring to facial injuries] Everything all right, Your Grace? :Edward "Eddie" Horniman: Yeah. You were right, however, about Susie and the Glass family. Some information has come to light that suggests Susie and the Glass family are... If I try and extract us from the situation, they’re willing to kill me.

Geoff Seacombe

I thought you two were getting along okay.

Well, we were. But not anymore.

Geoff Seacombe

You might wanna sniff that. What do you smell?

Almonds.

Geoff Seacombe

You gotta take your time when you’re making sloe gin. It’ll turn that rich magenta color after a couple of weeks. Most people leave it at that. But to get that full flavor... you gotta leave it a couple of years. Underappreciated quality these days, patience. Let it play out. You continue to deliver on your end of the bargain and see how they respond. Don’t let ’em know what you’re thinking. And meanwhile, prepare for all eventualities.

I was just looking at his cuts. You know I’ve got a first aid certificate. Keep your head tilted backǃ

Chucky Kubra

What do you think I’m doing?ǃ

Look, Chucky, I’m really sorry about all this.

Chucky Kubra

Susie Glass, you can go and fuck yourself, yeah?ǃ I’m not cleaning nothing for youǃ We are doneǃ Wankers! [leaves]

Well, that went well.

I’ll leave him to cool his jets. I’ll un-fuck the situation in the morning.

We’ve gone from two months to four, and, by the looks of it, to not at all.

I’ll get it sorted.

Eddie, glad you made it.

Henry. [shakes hands]

[referring to Jack sitting at bar with Susie] Look at him. Magnificent specimen.

Depends how you define specimen. If you’re looking for a dog with six dicks, he’s your specimen.

Well, there is some truth in that. You know, Jack’s biggest problem is Jack. I worked with a lot of boys over the years, six of ’em champions. Difference is, every one of ’em, 100% commitment.

Mm. He’s 100% committed to the lifestyle. The question is, does he have his family’s ambition?

[gestures] I got us a nice table. [leads Eddie to table] I’m curious, Eddie. How did you get ringside with Susie Glass?

I was a captain in the Queen’s Dragoon Guards. My father died, I came back, and I inherited some of his... business interests.

Oh yeah? [pulls down shirt collar to reveal tattoo] Two Para.

How many tours?

Three tours of Sangin. War recalibrates a man’s philosophies, his priorities.

Indeed. [servers hands drinks] Thanks.

Slainte.

Cheers.

You and Susie straighten out that business matter?

Ah, it was a minor domestic issue. Hopefully, nothing that can’t be ironed out.

You worked with Chucky before?

I never mentioned Chucky.

Well, he wouldn’t be my first choice, if you know what I mean. He wouldn’t be my second choice either.

Do you know anyone more appropriate?

I know a lot of people, Eddie.

Rosie

Look who’s here.

Hmm. How are you? Thanks for meeting me.

To what do I owe the honor? Business or pleasure?

Little bit of both. I managed to get myself embroiled in a situation I’m not sure I can get myself out of. I might need your help.

Must be serious. I can’t remember a single moment I’ve seen you ask anybody for help about anything.

It’s about our friend Stanley Johnston.

That’s why you wanted to see me?

Still in contact with him?

Yeah, I see him from time to time.

Good.

I can help you, if that’s what you want. I should warn you, though, he’s not a good person.

Oh, that’s fine by me.

Mr. Lawrence, could you remove that, please?

Of course, sir. It was left there by your brother.

Oh yes, I’m aware.

Eggs Benedict?

Yes, please. And some tea. Thank you.

Sabrina Horniman

Darling, you ought to talk to Freddy. His recent obsession with marijuana production is really too much.

Right.

Sabrina Horniman

He’s started talking to the plants.

And when he’s not talking to them, he’s talking about them, and it’s very fucking boring.

All right. [cell phone buzzes] All right. I promise I’ll have a word with him. [answers phone] Hello?

You slinked off a bit early last night, didn't you.

I had to go and see an old friend. How did it go with Chucky?

The situation turns out to be a little more complicated than anticipated.

Chucky Kubra

[on live video call] This is a special shout out to all my mandem worldwide, yeah? Brum-town boys. When you see this skinny, handsome bastard, yeah, fucking grab him by the neck and crush him like a cockroachǃ

Chucky had a busy night in the world of social media.

Chucky Kubra

On sight, smash all his nan’s windows, fuck him up, or shag his dadǃ Whatever you like, manǃ Penetrate, penetrateǃ

The upshot is that my brother needs to take a sojourn for a few days. We need him to focus on his training. No distractions.

[points] On sightǃ

Chucky Kubra

[gestures] Bang bangǃ

Given how eager you are to move things on swiftly, I wondered if you might be willing to let him come and stay.

For fuck’s sake. You were supposed to sort this.

And I’m in the process of doing exactly that. After all, Jack did bang Chucky’s missus. The polite thing to do is to allow sobriety to percolate. Then I’ll remind him of how hierarchy operates.

Fine.

Jack Glass

Sweet.

Sabrina Horniman

Are we expecting guests?

It would appear so, yes.

Here you are, sir. This way.

[setting up punching bag in barn] Susie Glass’s brother?

Jack Glass

The one and only. Yeah. In, uh, the middleweight eliminator.

Well, Mr. Big Time, jump on the bag and show us what you’ve got.

[in cannabis grow-op] Welcome to the cauldron of creativity, brother. James, would you give us the floor?

Oh, yeah, of course. [fist bumps Freddy] Relax. You got this, fam. [leaves]

That’s cool. Thanks, man.

So what’s this little project you’ve got going with Jimmy?

[chuckles] Okay, well, first of all, it’s not just a little fucking... [sighs deeply] The point is, this time, I did something extraordinary. And your bosses are gonna wanna hear about it.

All right, Freddy. I have no doubt. I just wanna temper your expectations.

That’s fine, that’s fine. Temper away. Go ahead and temper those expectations. I’m about to exceed yours.

[Freddy places potted plant on table] What exactly is that?

See, what happened was, I meet this guy. Old guy, big beard, looked like Jesus. Starts telling me about this project he’s been working on. Growing sativa marijuana seeds in the same soil as coca plants. See, what happens is, over time, the seeds start to absorb the properties from the coke plants, and, eventually, voilà! Crack weed. Or weed crack. I can’t remember which way–

I have to stop you there.

No, let me finish, okay? Look, I know... I know this sounds crazy– And scientifically impossible. Look, I appre– This shit is gonna be a fucking game changer for the business. The bottom line is, I just… I just need you to arrange a sit-down for me with Susie, okay?

What?

And... possibly also with her dad.

No.

Pleaseǃ

Circumstances have changed, all right? The Glasses can’t be trusted. They’re exploiting us.

Fuck itǃ Let’s exploit them right backǃ

They are dangerous, all right? Susie had Jethro killed.

Who the fuck is Jethro? Who... Oh, [makes headphone gesture] the... the guy with the...

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, all right. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, obviously, I mean, that is pretty bad.

The point is, Freddy, they lied to us. Susie lied to us. They have no intention of ever leaving our land.

Maybe we don’t want them to leave. Listen, Eddie, I know… I know I can be a touch unreliable at times, but I really think I’m onto something here.

You know what I think, Freddy? I think that you are an addict.

What the fuck has that–

And this is one of many indulgences that I’m gonna have to bail you out of. This is not a game, Freddy. They will kill you. They will kill me. They will kill our entire fucking family if it helps them get what they want. I’m not gonna change my mind.

[to pyrotechnics engineer] No, no, no. Your timing’s off. I’ve told ya, the flames shoot up when the horns come in, all right? It’s gotta be perfect. Bang on the button.

Yes, boss.

Get it right. All right, Eddie?

Hello.

Sorry. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to things like this. Showmanship is the key thing that pulls the punters in the door.

I’ll bet. Shame about the view.

Oh yeah, magnificent, innit? I bought it during the crash. Half finished. Developer went tits up. He moonwalked off to Dubai. I nicked it, to be honest with ya. You know why?

Why?

Because I knew... I knew that deep down, no matter how long, no matter how bad things got, I knew the crowds would be back for the fight. At the end of the day, we’re just a bunch of Neanderthals.

Well, speak for yourself, Henry.

Well, when you strip it all back, that’s all that’s left. Impulse. Instinct. Survival.

Maybe you’re right. I wanted to pick up on the conversation we had the other night.

Oh yeah? What part exactly?

Don’t be coy, Henry.

How much are you looking to wash?

Fifteen million.

Hmm. You got the sign-off from Susie on this? Only in the past, when I’ve tested the water with her, she didn’t wanna mix church with state.

Don’t worry about Susie. Or Bobby.

How fast do you need it?

Two weeks.

Well, you don’t fuck about, do you?

Like you said, impulse, instinct, survival.

I’m gonna introduce you to an associate of mine. But I gotta warn ya, he’s the most boring man you’ll ever meet. Eddie, meet Thick Rick.

Pleasure to meet you.

Likewise.

Rick started out as an accountant, but he was too partial to having a flutter. Clocked up a level of debt that necessitated a sideline in creative accountancy. Gamekeeper turned poacher, you could say. Rick, tell Eddie how the magic happens.

It all begins in the betting shop at the conclusion of the fight. When the loser is determined, whoever he may be, he will suddenly discover that a multitude of bets have been placed on this unfortunate fighter…

Thing about Rick is, he actually finds all this stuff interesting. Offshore, onshore, mitigation, amortization... I’m falling asleep just talking about it. All you need to know is, he’s reliable. His commission is extremely reasonable. Blah, blah, blah. If anyone ever questioned his numbers, he’d bore them into submission with such tedious, repetitive, and dull information that they’d give up long before he would, as he’s the ultimate cure for insomnia. It’s hard to make money boring, but not so for Rick. It does mean you can put your feet up whilst he does the work and delivers you back... Fifteen million quid. Minus a very reasonable 5%, of course. Bookmakers like Rick are part of my business setup, but I have to keep them at arms’ length. Because he’s too fucking boring. Like I said, you know, for me, it’s all about the boxing. What about you, Eddie? How’s this all sounding?

Honestly, I think it sounds perfect.

[at Chucky's residence] Could you help me? Give me a hand?

Yeah.

Chucky Kubra

Ishy, hold on, hold on... Can I borrow you for a second, Eddie? Come here. Changed your fucking tune, haven’t ya?

Excuse me?

Chucky Kubra

Last time we were face to face, brother, you were looking at me like I were a fucking numpty. Isn’t that right?

That’s right.

Chucky Kubra

And as far as I can remember, you were very cynical about this operation. Is that right, Ishy?

That’s right.

Yeah, well, it’s not up to me.

Chucky Kubra

Where the fuck is this guy going? And you know what else, yeah? When I was explaining timescales to you, you had a right fucking face on, like I farted in your nan’s mouth.

Look, I don’t wanna do this. I just wanna get the fucking job done.

Chucky Kubra

Well, listen to me, yeah? We are gonna do this, and I’ll tell you what else.

What?

Chucky Kubra

You have got a void in your soul, man. Yeah? A darkness. When I was sat in Susie’s office, looking at you, thinking, “This handsome behenchod don’t believe in my corn dogs.” If you don’t believe in this fucking project, nobody can believe in this fucking project. [points] You are gonna believe in this fucking project. Get me some corn dogsǃ

What flavor?

Chucky Kubra

Any fucking flavor!

I don’t... I don’t need a corn dog. I don’t need convincing. I’m sorry, all right? Let’s just get the job done, please.

Chucky Kubra

Your vibes are fucked. Look around you. We’re alive, aren’t we? Breathe in. Breathe in the good vibes. Fuck off the bad ones. I don’t know what you’re in a rush for. Susie said, “Take your time.”

What did she say?

Chucky Kubra

She goes, “Four, five, six months. It don’t fucking matter.” Take my time, so stop rushing me.

I’ll take them into your house myself.

[holds hands to Eddie's chest] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ease up, brother. Where are you going?

I’m not eating thatǃ

[pokes Eddie in stomach] In about ten seconds, this halal corn dog is gonna be in your bellyǃ You’re gonna eat it ’cause Chucky said eat itǃ

[places bags on Henry's desk] Five bags. Three in each.

What do you reckon?

I think it’s disgusting. Dirty as fuck.

Let’s go to work.

[on phone] I made an executive decision. [scenes of Eddie beating Ishy]

Where are you?

[in flashback] Put the bags in the fucking carǃ

This all seems very official.

I’ve decided to use Henry Collins to wash the money.

I thought I gave you clear instructions.

Well, you did. I chose to use the more efficient one. Collins will get it done quicker.

I want Henry’s attention to be on my brother’s career.

Well, he can do both.

Maybe he can. But you don’t have carte blanche to go over my head when you choose. There’s an order to things.

Oh, I am acutely aware of my status in this organization, Susie.

Unfortunately, we already have a pre-existing agreement with Chucky.

Not anymore you don’t.

What have you done, Captain?

You told Chucky to slow things down. Not speed them up.

Why would I do that?

Because you and your father never had any intention of letting me go.

That’s a very wild accusation.

[leans forward] Why don’t you deny it, then, hmm? Why don’t you tell me when you and your father are gonna get off my land?

After we wash the 15 million.

Let me ask you another question. Where’s Jethro?

The reason Jethro is dead was to protect you and your fucked-up, cocaine-addicted brother from the shitstorm that was coming your way. One day, Jethro was gonna become a problem. So I dealt with it.

I’m gonna ask you one more time. When will you let me and my family go?

Never.

You underestimate me, Susan. There is nothing that I won’t do to protect my family.

Careful there, soldier. I can be nice, and I can be not so nice. You’ve only seen me on one setting.

[approaches Jack before boxing match] You all right, babe? You know, it’s weird.

Jack Glass

I’m actually fucking nervous.

I never get nervous. You got nothing to worry about, Jack. Look, do you remember that Christmas when Dad got you your first pair of boxing gloves? You were, what, four years old?

Jack Glass

Yeah. And he told me to hit him as hard as I could.

You did. Punched him straight in the bollocks. He couldn’t walk for a week. He was five times your size, Jack. You had nothing to be scared of then, and you’ve got nothing to be scared of now.

Do you know what I love about the British aristocracy? They’re the original gangsters. The reason they own 75% of this country is because they stole it. William the Conqueror was worse than Al Capone. When he came over from France, he grabbed hold of everything he could get his hands onto, and then he set up a system so that he and his friends got to hold onto it forever. Taxation. Education. The judiciary. It’s all designed to help the aristocracy hold on to their land and their money.

Well, I think I may agree with you. But I’d prefer to leave the criminality to my ancestors. However, the hold on my estate is being challenged. I’ve come to the realization that I may need some assistance in order to rectify the situation.

Well, then you’ve come to the right man. It would come with an element of quid pro quo. Do you think you can get comfortable with that?

I’m willing to do whatever it takes, Mr. Johnston.

Mr. Collins would like a word. He says it’s important.

This is all very ominous. Better not be an issue with my money.

Oh, no, it’s not about the money. It’s about your brother.

What about my brother? He’s about to beat ten types of shit out of an Uzbek right now.

Yeah. Well, unfortunately, that’s not how this is gonna end. It’s a shame, you know. I quite like the kid, actually. But sadly, he’s connected to a bigger picture. When I see a chance to, uh, expand my business, I can’t help myself. I jump at it.

We’re missing the fight. Maybe you could get to the point.

Fifteen million. That’s a lot of money. My understanding is that it’s from one farm in the last month alone. Well, you multiply that by 14, and you’re left with two and a half billion pound a year.

Hmm. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. We’re not looking for investors or partners. Once you’ve cleaned the 15, we’re good.

Oh, I’m not looking to invest. I’m taking over.

You’re a boxing promoter. And a money launderer. You wanna stay in your fucking lane.

You’re very smart, Susie. Clever. But you clearly haven’t done your homework on me. I could’ve shown you the same treatment as I’m showing your brother, but out of respect, I’m making you this offer. There are two paths available to ya. The path of least resistance... You hand over your business to me right here, right now, and you accept my offer with grace and intelligence. Then there’s the other path. Hmm, that’ll end up in a war. Starting with the obliteration of your lovely brother. I’m not gonna kill him, out of respect for you. But I am gonna hurt him so you know I’m serious.

If my brother was talking to you now, he’d say the same as me. I’ll take my chances.

Yeah, I thought you might say that. The thing about fixing fights, it’s quite interesting. You need a very special kind of fighter. A ringer. The Butcher there, he’s just that rare breed of warrior. No ego. Willing to look bad for profit. His record might be three wins in 30 fights, but all 27 of those losses are fights he’s thrown. So when he does win, the purse he’s built up is so big, it’s worth his while. Because the truth is, he’s an unstoppable monster. The ref ain’t gonna help you either. Whilst he’s a happily married father of three, his love for chop and brass means that he’ll do exactly as he’s told. So when I give the nod and it’s time for Jack to go down, and he is going down, the chances are he’ll stay down. You underestimate us at your peril.

crossed the river Rubicon with his army, he deliberately went to war with the Roman state. It was a point of no return. The problem with your offer is that it’s too late. The Rubicon’s already been crossed, Henry. You’re wrong about me not knowing you.

I know you’re no Julius Caesar, and you have no idea about the river in which you have chosen to swim. It is dark and full of terrors.

You may have a small army, but I am the state. I am the house. I am the establishment. And you are ill-equipped physically, martially, and intellectually for the fight you’ve mistakenly chosen to pick.

Your dad’s in prison, and you’re under-armed and underqualified. Take the offer, and we’ll look after you both. We’ll see how you feel tomorrow. You look after yourself.