[to pyrotechnics engineer] No, no, no. Your timing’s off. I’ve told ya, the flames shoot up when the horns come in, all right? It’s gotta be perfect. Bang on the button.
Yes, boss.
Get it right. All right, Eddie?
Hello.
Sorry. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to things like this. Showmanship is the key thing that pulls the punters in the door.
I’ll bet. Shame about the view.
Oh yeah, magnificent, innit? I bought it during the crash. Half finished. Developer went tits up. He moonwalked off to Dubai. I nicked it, to be honest with ya. You know why?
Why?
Because I knew... I knew that deep down, no matter how long, no matter how bad things got, I knew the crowds would be back for the fight. At the end of the day, we’re just a bunch of Neanderthals.
Well, speak for yourself, Henry.
Well, when you strip it all back, that’s all that’s left. Impulse. Instinct. Survival.
Maybe you’re right. I wanted to pick up on the conversation we had the other night.
Oh yeah? What part exactly?
Don’t be coy, Henry.
How much are you looking to wash?
Fifteen million.
Hmm. You got the sign-off from Susie on this? Only in the past, when I’ve tested the water with her, she didn’t wanna mix church with state.
Don’t worry about Susie. Or Bobby.
How fast do you need it?
Two weeks.
Well, you don’t fuck about, do you?
Like you said, impulse, instinct, survival.
I’m gonna introduce you to an associate of mine. But I gotta warn ya, he’s the most boring man you’ll ever meet. Eddie, meet Thick Rick.
Pleasure to meet you.
Likewise.
Rick started out as an accountant, but he was too partial to having a flutter. Clocked up a level of debt that necessitated a sideline in creative accountancy. Gamekeeper turned poacher, you could say. Rick, tell Eddie how the magic happens.
It all begins in the betting shop at the conclusion of the fight. When the loser is determined, whoever he may be, he will suddenly discover that a multitude of bets have been placed on this unfortunate fighter…
Thing about Rick is, he actually finds all this stuff interesting. Offshore, onshore, mitigation, amortization... I’m falling asleep just talking about it. All you need to know is, he’s reliable. His commission is extremely reasonable. Blah, blah, blah. If anyone ever questioned his numbers, he’d bore them into submission with such tedious, repetitive, and dull information that they’d give up long before he would, as he’s the ultimate cure for insomnia. It’s hard to make money boring, but not so for Rick. It does mean you can put your feet up whilst he does the work and delivers you back... Fifteen million quid. Minus a very reasonable 5%, of course. Bookmakers like Rick are part of my business setup, but I have to keep them at arms’ length. Because he’s too fucking boring. Like I said, you know, for me, it’s all about the boxing. What about you, Eddie? How’s this all sounding?
Honestly, I think it sounds perfect.
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