Duke quotes from The Fast Show

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? At a French maids finishing school? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? Bingo!

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a student-nurses hall of residence? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? Has no-one thought of the consequences? Oh well.

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a sixth-form girl's dormitory? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? What were they thinking of?

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a women's prison? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? Oh well, penal correctitude it is then.

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? At the changing rooms of the Brazilian synchronised-swimming team? Let's hope I live up to my reputation. Ladies, here I come, time for a rub down.

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? Alone with my best friends wife? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? While he's downstairs? What does he think I'm going to do, sing her a lullaby or something? Mmm.

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? On a farm? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? They must be absolutely stark raving bonkers! Daisy, daddy's home! [cow "moo"s as he walked into a stall]

Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a mortuary? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? Are they quite mad? Oh well.