DDuke
Me, the 13th Duke of Wybourne? Here? In a mortuary? At three o'clock in the morning? With my reputation? Are they quite mad? Oh well.
Part 1
Day Eight, white water rafting.
Yee-haaa!
This is a river, one tough bitch. A swirling, raging, thrashing, torrent of screaming water.
Screamin' water!
And I choose my words carefully, because she's upturned the boat of many a clown, who thought they could tame her. You must respect her, you must respect the river if you wanna come out of her alive...
[Simon turns to look at the river]
...you must respect her, understand her...
[Lindsey pushes Simon in the river]
Huhuhur, he's in! That's a tenner you owe me Baz! Hahahaha!
Part 2
Right, day eight, part two. Lindsey here. I mean I was only havin' a laugh, I didn't know he'd get washed away. We've come down here to see if we can find him. No luck yet, but the rescue people'll get him. You rang 'em didn't you, Baz?
BBaz
No, I thought you did.
Oh, er. Well, I was only havin' a laugh, he was wearing his life jacket anyway...
[Simon appears in the water and walks up behind Lindsey]
...Well, you know, he's fat, he'll float. He's a good swimmer. You know, what more can I say?
[Simon stands behind Lindsey and picks up an axe]
BBaz
Er, Lindsey? Lindsey?!
What can you do about it?
[Simon hits Lindsey in the head with the axe]
You bastard! You know I can't swim!
Ah, ah. What have you done to my head?! What have you done to my bloody head?! Baz, what's he done to my head?!
BBaz
He's stuck an axe in it.
What?!
I've stuck an axe in it.
You stuck an axe in my head?!
Yeah.
What, through the hat?!
Yeah.
The famous hat!
Yeah, sorry mate.
You stuck an axe through the famous hat?!
Yeah.
What's it look like?
It looks quite good actually.
Yeah? Let's go down the pub then, shall we?
Yeah.
The hat. The hat. The famous...
[Lindsey collapses]
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