Oswald Lee Harvey quotes from The Drew Carey Show

Oswald

Well, maybe looks don't really matter when you love your pet. (turning to Lewis) Remember that dog you had? he was ugly!

Lewis

That wasn't a dog.

Oswald

Then what was I feeding?

Lewis

That was Chester, the DrugCo cat! By the way, he's a bear now.

I make good money but I can't touch a penny of it! I have a passion for the ponies.

Oswald

A passion for ponies?! That's disgusting!

I BET on them, you moron!

Lewis

Man... what do you get a guy who's just lost the girl of his dreams and is having a gay green-card wedding just to get his crappy job back?

Oswald

Champagne flutes?

Lewis

You read my mind.

Oswald

I'll get him out of this.

Kate

How?

Oswald

The same way I got him out of the Presidential Physical Fitness test. (elbows a nearby fire alarm. Everyone files out as the alarm blares)