Theo Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Theo

Hi mom!

Hi. Where are you going?

Theo

Down the street to play touch football.

Theo, it's five degrees out there!

Theo

I got two pairs of socks on.

Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.

Theo

Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!

Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?

Theo

Hey dad.

Cliff

Hey, where you going?

Theo

Freeze football.

Cliff

You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!

Cliff

So I know there's going to be a present for me, boy. So, what is it?

Theo

Come on, Dad, you know I can't tell you.

Cliff:

[chuckles] I know that. How old are you now?

Theo

14.

Cliff

14. Two years from now, you're going to want a car. I'm the only one who can buy it for you. So my boy, what's it gonna be?

Theo

Okay, Dad.

Cliff

Okay.

Theo

This year, everyone is pitching in to get you something you're really gonna love.

Cliff

So I know there's going to be a present for me, boy. So, what is it?

Theo

Come on, Dad, you know I can't tell you.

Cliff:

[chuckles] I know that. How old are you now?

Theo

14.

Cliff

14. Two years from now, you're going to want a car. I'm the only one who can buy it for you. So my boy, what's it gonna be?

Theo

Okay, Dad.

Cliff

Okay.

Theo

This year, everyone is pitching in to get you something you're really gonna love.

Cliff

Theo is that the shirt we bought?

Theo

Yeah.

Cliff

Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?

Theo

Yeah, they're upstairs.

Cliff

Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?

Cliff

Theo is that the shirt we bought?

Theo

Yeah.

Cliff

Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?

Theo

Yeah, they're upstairs.

Cliff

Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?

Clair

What is this?

Cliff

Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.

Clair

And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?

Cliff

Yes I bought that.

Clair

"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.

Theo

Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?

Didn't stuff a thing!

Clair

What is this?

Cliff

Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.

Clair

And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?

Cliff

Yes I bought that.

Clair

"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.

Theo

Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?

Didn't stuff a thing!

Sondra

We thought it would be nice if we cooked the meal for Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary.

Theo

And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.

Sondra

Theo, I mean all of us.

Theo

I don't cook.

Clair

Maybe you should learn.

Theo

Why?

Clair

Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.

Theo

I'll have my girlfriend cook!

Clair

Now where are you getting this attitude from?

Theo

Cockroach.

Ohhh Cockroach.

Theo

You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.

Sondra

Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.

Theo

That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.

Sondra

We thought it would be nice if we cooked the meal for Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary.

Theo

And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.

Sondra

Theo, I mean all of us.

Theo

I don't cook.

Clair

Maybe you should learn.

Theo

Why?

Clair

Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.

Theo

I'll have my girlfriend cook!

Clair

Now where are you getting this attitude from?

Theo

Cockroach.

Ohhh Cockroach.

Theo

You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.

Sondra

Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.

Theo

That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.

Theo

It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.

Denise

Why is that?

Theo

Because he who walks, walks alone.

Theo

It's important for a young, available man to have wheels.

Denise

Why is that?

Theo

Because he who walks, walks alone.

Theo

Hey, dad.

Cliff

[setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?

Theo

Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.

Cliff

How much did it cost?

Theo

Uhh, $7.88.

Cliff

And how much money did I give you?

Theo:

Ten dollars.

Cliff

So...?

Theo

So?

Cliff

[Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?

Theo

Change?

Cliff

Change!

Theo

Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.

Cliff

Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?

Theo

Hey, dad.

Cliff

[setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?

Theo

Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.

Cliff

How much did it cost?

Theo

Uhh, $7.88.

Cliff

And how much money did I give you?

Theo:

Ten dollars.

Cliff

So...?

Theo

So?

Cliff

[Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?

Theo

Change?

Cliff

Change!

Theo

Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.

Cliff

Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?

Cliff

[Looking at the x-ray] Look, look at this. Right here. See that?

Theo

Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.

Cliff

That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?

Theo

That's cool!

Cliff

All right, it is!

Clair

Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?

Cliff

Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?

Cliff

[Looking at the x-ray] Look, look at this. Right here. See that?

Theo

Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.

Cliff

That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?

Theo

That's cool!

Cliff

All right, it is!

Clair

Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?

Cliff

Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?