Elvin Tibideaux quotes from The Cosby Show

Elvin

My mother works and I don't like it. Sometimes I come home and there's no dinner ready.

Cliff

[laughing] What, are your hands broken?

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Elvin

My mother works and I don't like it. Sometimes I come home and there's no dinner ready.

Cliff

[laughing] What, are your hands broken?

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Cliff

These are your degrees from Princeton.

Elvin

Yes.

Cliff

Fell down.

Elvin

Yes.

Cliff

Rather symbolic, don't you think?

Cliff

These are your degrees from Princeton.

Elvin

Yes.

Cliff

Fell down.

Elvin

Yes.

Cliff

Rather symbolic, don't you think?

Denise

(to Sondra) I'm not putting down your apartment. It's wonderful! It's got character, it's charming, But c'mon, you can't act like children for the rest of your lives. It's time for you to grow up.

Sondra

Oh, who are you telling to grow up? You dropped out of school and then when Mom and Dad wanted you to go back, you wouldn't even listen to them.

Denise

Sondra, that is because in my case Mom and Dad didn't make any sense, okay? They know what they're talking about. Come on! You guys are having a baby! A little bambino, another life. Would you actually consider raising a kid in...this...place?!?

Elvin

Look, Denise, as long as we love this child, it doesn't matter where we raise it.

Denise

Please, as soon as this kid can talk, it's gonna say, "Call me a taxi, I'm outta here!"

Elvin

(to Sondra) Honey, look around! I mean there's hardly anything left. The only thing that's left is the babies' football.

Sondra

Now that you mention it, they were very persistent. In fact, every time I tried to get up, they shoved me back down. And then you should have seen their faces when they got their hands on those babies. They were cackling! Elvin, our mothers stole our babies!

Elvin

Why can't we just have simple bodies....like Dad.

Cliff

This is your piece.

Sondra

Elvin, I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror but your body is certainly not complicated.

Elvin

Thank you Sondra, I'll be sure to keep my feelings about your body to myself.

Sondra

What feelings?

Elvin

It is not the time or place.

Sondra

No, what feelings?

Elvin

Your neck.

Sondra

What's wrong with my neck?!

Elvin

It's just a shade thin, sometimes I wonder how you swallow.

Sondra

(to Elvin about helping their friends move) Honey, they have to be out by Sunday or pay an extra month's rent.

Elvin

OK, don't they have other friends?

Sondra

Yes they do, and they will also be there. Look honey, I promise it won't take more than two hours.

Elvin

All right, all right. But we have to be out of there by 12:00 PM.

Sondra

We will be. And Elvin, remember, they were kind enough to help us move.

Elvin

Yes, but we were considerate enough not to move during football season.

Hey guys, I made coffee. Is decaf OK?

Elvin

Great! (mumbles to Sondra) Decaf. I come here to do real work, they give me fake coffee!

Dad, the ice cream is dripping on me.

Elvin

Why don't you put your napkin on you?

I don't have a napkin.

Well, here take mine.

Elvin

What do you say, Nelson?

Elvin

What do you say?

May I eat my peas now?

Elvin

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Cliff

You take another step and I'll be a clean man.

Elvin

I think he's serious. Especially with that...assault with a cleanly weapon.