Clair Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Cliff

Clair, Clair. Clair! [kisses Clair] Clair, Clair, it's the first day of school!

Clair

It's the first day of school?

Cliff

First day of school!

Clair

We get the house back?!

Cliff

We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!

Clair

It's your turn to wake the children. I woke them on the last day of school.

Cliff

That is nothing. All you did was stand out in the hall and shouted "Last day of school!!" and the children next door were jumping out of windows!

Cliff

Clair, Clair. Clair! [kisses Clair] Clair, Clair, it's the first day of school!

Clair

It's the first day of school?

Cliff

First day of school!

Clair

We get the house back?!

Cliff

We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!

Clair

It's your turn to wake the children. I woke them on the last day of school.

Cliff

That is nothing. All you did was stand out in the hall and shouted "Last day of school!!" and the children next door were jumping out of windows!

Clair

What is this?

Cliff

Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.

Clair

And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?

Cliff

Yes I bought that.

Clair

"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.

Theo

Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?

Didn't stuff a thing!

Clair

What is this?

Cliff

Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.

Clair

And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?

Cliff

Yes I bought that.

Clair

"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.

Theo

Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?

Didn't stuff a thing!

Sondra

We thought it would be nice if we cooked the meal for Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary.

Theo

And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.

Sondra

Theo, I mean all of us.

Theo

I don't cook.

Clair

Maybe you should learn.

Theo

Why?

Clair

Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.

Theo

I'll have my girlfriend cook!

Clair

Now where are you getting this attitude from?

Theo

Cockroach.

Ohhh Cockroach.

Theo

You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.

Sondra

Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.

Theo

That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.

Clair

Cliff, your feet are freezing!

Cliff

That's why I brought them over there.

Clair

Well, why don't you move your feet over to your side of the bed until they warm up?

Cliff

Now they're cold and lonely.

Sondra

We thought it would be nice if we cooked the meal for Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary.

Theo

And I'm sure you girls will do a great job.

Sondra

Theo, I mean all of us.

Theo

I don't cook.

Clair

Maybe you should learn.

Theo

Why?

Clair

Theo, you're going to leave this house one day and you're going to want to eat.

Theo

I'll have my girlfriend cook!

Clair

Now where are you getting this attitude from?

Theo

Cockroach.

Ohhh Cockroach.

Theo

You see, we decided, we're only going to date girls who cook.

Sondra

Theo, the women of today have better things to do than to stay in the kitchen.

Theo

That's because the women of today haven't met the man of tomorrow.

Clair

Cliff, your feet are freezing!

Cliff

That's why I brought them over there.

Clair

Well, why don't you move your feet over to your side of the bed until they warm up?

Cliff

Now they're cold and lonely.

Sondra

Every time he goes out with the guys, he expects me to sit and wait for him, his plans are always more important than mine!

Cliff

Why do you keep going back to this boy?

Sondra

Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.

Cliff

When? [Claire smacks him]

Sondra

When we're not fighting.

Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Sondra

Every time he goes out with the guys, he expects me to sit and wait for him, his plans are always more important than mine!

Cliff

Why do you keep going back to this boy?

Sondra

Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.

Cliff

When? [Claire smacks him]

Sondra

When we're not fighting.

Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Clair

[about gardening] If this is so lovely, how come you're not down here giving me a hand?

Cliff

Because that's dirt.

Clair

No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.

Cliff

Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?