Clair Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Clair

[about gardening] If this is so lovely, how come you're not down here giving me a hand?

Cliff

Because that's dirt.

Clair

No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.

Cliff

Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?

Clair

I remember this guy named Jimmy Peterson. Now you see, Jimmy Peterson used to hang out at the city pool everyday, all summer long, and he was the finest thing there. And I knew that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I had to get him to notice me. So, one day, I climbed the high-dive, which was something that only the absolute coolest girls did, because, see I knew he was gonna be watching.

Vanessa

What happened?

Clair

Well I got up on the high-dive, and I strutted out on that board to try and do the meanest swan dive in the history of swimming, got to the edge of the board, looked down and discovered why they call the high-dive, the high-dive. I stood there trembling, with Jimmy Peterson and everyone up there looking up at me!

Vanessa

What did you do?

Clair

I did the only thing I could do. I made everybody waiting on the ladder get off so I could get down! I walked past Jimmy Peterson, I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even look him in the face. I never spoke to him again! That's how I ended up with your father.

Clair

[whispers] Rudy, come here, quick! Rudy, do you see that guy over there?

Rudy

Daddy?

Clair

Listen, I want you to go over there and tell him that you heard that I thought he was cute.

Rudy

[goes over to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she thinks you're cute.

Cliff

Who?

Rudy

Mommy!

Cliff

Mommy said that she heard that she thinks she's cute?

Rudy

You!

Cliff

You tell her that I think that she is allllllriiiiight! [Cliff stops Rudy] Wait, wait, wait, come back here a minute. But don't tell her that I said it. You tell her that you heard that I might have said it.

Rudy

Daddy said that he might heard that you are goooooourgest!

Clair

I want you to go back and tell him that you thought you heard that I would like to go out on a date with him Saturday night at 12:05.

Rudy

[to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she would like to go on a date with you at three-oh-oh.

Cliff

Tell her that at 0300, the leukocytes will take over all of the minejectnofields and that I will kiss her on the steps of the Theresa hotel.

Rudy

[to Clair] He said a zeuklomax and a zuklomax may bo and she wants, uh he wants to meet you on the steps of the hotel-of-something.

Clair

Now...

Rudy

No no no, come on. [leads Clair over to Cliff]

Cliff

What did she say?

Rudy

No no no!

Cliff

She said no?

Clair

I remember this guy named Jimmy Peterson. Now you see, Jimmy Peterson used to hang out at the city pool everyday, all summer long, and he was the finest thing there. And I knew that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I had to get him to notice me. So, one day, I climbed the high-dive, which was something that only the absolute coolest girls did, because, see I knew he was gonna be watching.

Vanessa

What happened?

Clair

Well I got up on the high-dive, and I strutted out on that board to try and do the meanest swan dive in the history of swimming, got to the edge of the board, looked down and discovered why they call the high-dive, the high-dive. I stood there trembling, with Jimmy Peterson and everyone up there looking up at me!

Vanessa

What did you do?

Clair

I did the only thing I could do. I made everybody waiting on the ladder get off so I could get down! I walked past Jimmy Peterson, I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even look him in the face. I never spoke to him again! That's how I ended up with your father.

Clair

[whispers] Rudy, come here, quick! Rudy, do you see that guy over there?

Rudy

Daddy?

Clair

Listen, I want you to go over there and tell him that you heard that I thought he was cute.

Rudy

[goes over to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she thinks you're cute.

Cliff

Who?

Rudy

Mommy!

Cliff

Mommy said that she heard that she thinks she's cute?

Rudy

You!

Cliff

You tell her that I think that she is allllllriiiiight! [Cliff stops Rudy] Wait, wait, wait, come back here a minute. But don't tell her that I said it. You tell her that you heard that I might have said it.

Rudy

Daddy said that he might heard that you are goooooourgest!

Clair

I want you to go back and tell him that you thought you heard that I would like to go out on a date with him Saturday night at 12:05.

Rudy

[to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she would like to go on a date with you at three-oh-oh.

Cliff

Tell her that at 0300, the leukocytes will take over all of the minejectnofields and that I will kiss her on the steps of the Theresa hotel.

Rudy

[to Clair] He said a zeuklomax and a zuklomax may bo and she wants, uh he wants to meet you on the steps of the hotel-of-something.

Clair

Now...

Rudy

No no no, come on. [leads Clair over to Cliff]

Cliff

What did she say?

Rudy

No no no!

Cliff

She said no?

Clair

I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.

Cliff

No, I think she want's to borrow your car.

Clair

I don't think so.

Cliff

Why?

Clair

Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?

Cliff

I better hide my car.

Clair

I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.

Cliff

No, I think she want's to borrow your car.

Clair

I don't think so.

Cliff

Why?

Clair

Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?

Cliff

I better hide my car.

Cliff

[as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.

Clair

If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.

Cliff

But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!

Clair

Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.

Cliff

Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.

Clair

All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.

Cliff

This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.

Cliff

[as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.

Clair

If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.

Cliff

But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!

Clair

Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.

Cliff

Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.

Clair

All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.

Cliff

This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.

Denise

[enters] Hi dad.

Cliff

[rough voice] Oh, hi.

Clair

I'm just having a talk with your father.

Cliff

No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.

Denise

Well what did you do?

Cliff

I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]

Clair

Don't remember ONE thing about that night! I am going to burn this sweater!

Cliff

You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.

Clair

What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?

Cliff

When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!

Clair

[lovingly] Cliff-

Cliff

Now deal with that!

Denise

[enters] Hi dad.

Cliff

[rough voice] Oh, hi.

Clair

I'm just having a talk with your father.

Cliff

No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.

Denise

Well what did you do?

Cliff

I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]

Clair

Don't remember ONE thing about that night! I am going to burn this sweater!

Cliff

You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.

Clair

What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?

Cliff

When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!

Clair

[lovingly] Cliff-

Cliff

Now deal with that!

Cliff

That's it. You're going to the emergency room.

Clair

What if they tell me it's broken?

Cliff

If no one tells you it's broken, and it is broken, how will you know it's broken?

Cliff

[Looking at the x-ray] Look, look at this. Right here. See that?

Theo

Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.

Cliff

That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?

Theo

That's cool!

Cliff

All right, it is!

Clair

Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?

Cliff

Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?