Theo Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Theo

Jammin' on the one.

Theo

Jammin' on the one.

Theo

(talking to Pam about men) When I was Slide's age, I was a worm, but now...I'm only part worm.

Theo

I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.

Cliff

Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!

Cliff

You graduate from High school; let's say you just slide by. Now you gotta find a job. Now what kind of salary do you expect for a regular person?

Theo

Uhh, $250 a week.

Cliff

Sit down. [giving Theo Monopoly money] I'm gonna give you $300 a week. Yes indeed. $300 a week, $1200 dollars a month.

Theo

Great! I'll take it!

Cliff

Yes you will, and I will take [takes some of the money] $350 for taxes.

Theo

Whoa!

Cliff

Uh, yeah. You see, the government comes for the regular people first. Now how much does that leave you with?

Theo

$850.

Cliff:

All right. Now you have got to have an apartment, because you are not going to live here. [taking more money] So an apartment in Manhattan will run you at least $400 a month.

Theo

I'll live in New Jersey. [takes back $200]

Cliff

All right, you live in New Jersey, you've got to have a car. [takes $300]

Theo

I'll ride a motorbike. [takes back $100]

Cliff

You need a helmet. [Cliff takes $50] Figure $100 a month for clothes and shoes. [takes $100]

Theo

Figure $200 a month, I want to look good! [give Cliff $100]

Cliff

So what's that leave you with?

Theo

$200. So, no problem!

Cliff

There is a problem, you haven't eaten yet! [Cliff takes $100]

Theo

I can get by on baloney and cereal. [takes back $100] So I've got everything under control PLUS $200 left for the month.

Cliff

You plan to have a girlfriend?

Theo

For sure.

Cliff

[pointing at Theo's empty hand] Regular people.

Theo

I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.

Cliff

Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!

Cliff

You graduate from High school; let's say you just slide by. Now you gotta find a job. Now what kind of salary do you expect for a regular person?

Theo

Uhh, $250 a week.

Cliff

Sit down. [giving Theo Monopoly money] I'm gonna give you $300 a week. Yes indeed. $300 a week, $1200 dollars a month.

Theo

Great! I'll take it!

Cliff

Yes you will, and I will take [takes some of the money] $350 for taxes.

Theo

Whoa!

Cliff

Uh, yeah. You see, the government comes for the regular people first. Now how much does that leave you with?

Theo

$850.

Cliff:

All right. Now you have got to have an apartment, because you are not going to live here. [taking more money] So an apartment in Manhattan will run you at least $400 a month.

Theo

I'll live in New Jersey. [takes back $200]

Cliff

All right, you live in New Jersey, you've got to have a car. [takes $300]

Theo

I'll ride a motorbike. [takes back $100]

Cliff

You need a helmet. [Cliff takes $50] Figure $100 a month for clothes and shoes. [takes $100]

Theo

Figure $200 a month, I want to look good! [give Cliff $100]

Cliff

So what's that leave you with?

Theo

$200. So, no problem!

Cliff

There is a problem, you haven't eaten yet! [Cliff takes $100]

Theo

I can get by on baloney and cereal. [takes back $100] So I've got everything under control PLUS $200 left for the month.

Cliff

You plan to have a girlfriend?

Theo

For sure.

Cliff

[pointing at Theo's empty hand] Regular people.

Cliff

Theo![knocking]

Theo

Yo!

Cliff

[walks around disheveled room] Hard to get good help around here, isn't it? Uh, son, your mother asked me to come up here and kill you.

Theo

Hey, I know.

Cliff

You know what?

Theo

What you're gonna say. And it's under control, so--

Cliff

Damn right![sarcastically]

Theo

I am gonna get through high school. And then, get a job like regular people.

Cliff

Regular people?

Theo

Yeah, you know. Work at gas station,drive a bus, something like that.

Theo

Right!

Denise

Dad, it's okay to be weird here, but you're going outside the house now.

Theo

He's a minister, Dad, he'll tell God we're crazy.

Denise

Dad, it's okay to be weird here, but you're going outside the house now.

Theo

He's a minister, Dad, he'll tell God we're crazy.

Cliff

I'll give you thirty dollars.

Theo

Thirty?!

Cliff

'Kay then, five!

Cliff

I'll give you thirty dollars.

Theo

Thirty?!

Cliff

'Kay then, five!

Cliff

How... Much?

Theo

Dad, if you want the quality, you're going to pay for it.

Cliff

. $95

Clair

There has to be a pair of pants there too.

Cliff

Theo, I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a JOB.

Theo

Don't you want something better for your son?

Cliff

Sure, you wanna trade your room for that shirt?

Theo

No.

Cliff

All right then, The shirt goes back.

Theo

[cleaning the kitchen] Dad is it okay if I take a break now?

Cliff

Yeah, uh you've been working five minutes straight now.

Theo

[cleaning the kitchen] Dad is it okay if I take a break now?

Cliff

Yeah, uh you've been working five minutes straight now.