You were the best bitch I ever had.
TTerry
And you were one cold pimp.
Thanks. I'm sorry I set you up with all those men.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Where did you get that huge wad of cash?
What? A man can't sneak into his house in the middle of the night, carrying a huge, suspicious-looking wad of cash, without his wife nagging him? Geez!
[to Chanel] Sorry he's so cranky. He was up til 7:15 last night.
Oh, thanks! Anybody else wanna take a shot?
Rallo, are you bothering the big kids? Come here, I need to give you your diarrhea medicine.
[Cleveland Jr. and Chanel laugh]
[to Cleveland Jr.] You are in for a world of hurt, buffalo butt!
What did you call me?
No, not you, mo-[Donna grabs his ear] Aaaarrggh!
CChanel
[sighs] This is so hard. I don't know how to find a se-can't of a triangle.
CJCleveland, Jr.
Well. Hold on then, se-can't. [laughs, then Chanel joins in]
Hey, is that Chanel Williams chopping it up with my steppity-bro?
I think you mean step-brizzle. [he and Roberta laugh; they all laugh until Cleveland comes in]
[bursts the door open] There's been a gas leak!
[Cleveland, Jr., Chanel, Roberta and Federline keep laughing until he pushes them out]
CContractor
Leave the batteries in your carbon monoxide detector from now on.
When your wife says she'll use them in front of you, you find some batteries.
[they both laugh]
I'll just go ahead and be one of the other black presidents. Actually, I want to be the first black president. Who was it?
LMrs. Lowenstein
Rallo, Barack Hussein Obama is the first black president.
What? Washington wasn't black?
LMrs. Lowenstein
No.
Jefferson?
LMrs. Lowenstein
No.
If Rutherford B. Hayes wasn't a brother, I don't know what's up!
[to Cleveland] You're pathetic for being friends with him. You're worse than Uncle Thomas the Tank Engine.
[cut to the Island of Sodor]
TThomas
I'd reckon I'll take you where these here tracks go, sir.
THSir Topham Hatt
Thank you, Uncle Thomas. You're a clean, articulate train.
TThomas
Just get yo' white ass on board.
THSir Topham Hatt
What's that, Thomas?
TThomas
[stammers] Uh... Choo-choo!
I just keep winning! I feel like a homeowner before 2008 (no jobs)!
I'm riding through them dirt roads and let me show you how I work them dirt hoes.
[Peter and Quagmire appear at the end of the episode during Freight Train and Cookie's wedding]
QQuagmire
Well, they made it through the whole season. Now can I have my own show, Peter?
Quagmire, you're a rapist.
[Quagmire mutters]
Kenny West. Caught ya at the county fair. Yeah, I listen to rap. Gotta De La Soul CD in my car. Do a little beatboxing. You probably don't wanna hear it. Unless you do. You probably do. [starts beatboxing terribly] Boop-boop-boopa-doo-boop! Boop! Boop-bitty-boopydoop-boop!
KKenny
I'm really not glad I heard that.
[Kenny and Cleveland laugh and give each other five]
Oh, Kenny. You're TRBL!
KKenny
No, you're TRBL!
No, you're TRBL!
KKenny
We're both TRBL!
[they laugh]
KKenny
I still can't believe Beyoncé didn't win.
Donna's gonna be so surprised When she walks in to the-
MIMan in audience
You're fat!
You know what else is fat? Rudeness!
To Infinity and Beyond!
Wow, Cleveland, you've skipped "fun drunk" and "sad drunk" and went straight to "angry drunk".
Okay, now where's the guy who said I was fat.
MIMan in audience
Right here. [Cleveland fires a gun at him]
You know, Cleveland. I'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than another one of your baseball stories.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cleveland Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.