The Casagrandes · Season 1
[The Casagrandes are all at Flip's getting gas]
As soon as that gas tank is full, our lives will be over.
Think they have Wi-Fi in the woods? [Carl, CJ, and Bobby roll their eyes; groans] Couldn't you let me live in hope?!
May as well enjoy this last bit of civilization before we become forest people, I guess. I'm going to use a real bathroom while I still can.
Ernesto Estrella?!
Oh, a fan! I love fans!
You lied about Great Lakes City being cursed because of a pimple?!
Oh, an angry fan. Estrella out! [hides in his cape]
You're not on TV right now. That's not going to work. Thanks to you, my abuela made us leave Great Lakes City, and now she's taking us to live in the woods.
Aye, I didn't see that coming. I'm so sorry, muchacha. I never thought my words could cause so much trouble. Please, let me try to fix this.
[gets in his face, threateningly] You better fix this!
[laughs, scared] You're very scary for your size.
Ugh! I hate cats!
They're so temperamental.
Couldn't agree more.
Furry bobos.
So greedy with their nine lives.
Hmm. Bobby you're acting weird.
Yeah, even for you.
I am? [Carlota's phone ringer goes off and switches to cat mode, walks up to Lalo and Sergio as Lalo's napping and wakes up; he and Lalo snarl at each other and start fighting]
[looking at her phone] Okay, this is bananas!
Right?
Karen and Dana wore the same outfit to Rebecca's party.
No, I mean Bobby. He's scratching, purring, and fighting with Lalo. [goes in and breaks up the fight]
[jumps out of Bobby's mouth] He's worse than a cat!
[gasps] He's not worse, Bobby is a cat!
What's going on? Why does everyone look so sad?
Bobby, there's something we have to tell you.
[5 MINUTES LATER…]
[freaked out] Wait, what?! I'm gonna be a cat forever?
It's okay Bobby, we'll figure something out.
No, I can't do this to you guys. Farewell, humans! [sets off the store service bell, now thinks he is a cat, and runs away]
Bobby, wait!
[sobs] Oh, NOOOOO!
Mi Bobbito!
Don't worry guys, he's my brother, I'll be able to track him down in no time.
[trying to catch up with Monica] Wait, Monica! We don't need Carl! I'm the star!
Guys, Artemio Alcaraz's review of Mama's art just went live.
Nice, must be good right?
[squawks] Think again.
It's horrible!
What?! But he said her stuff was a wonder!
And a vision.
And breath-taking, I know. [reads the review] "Frida Puga-Casagrande's art is a wonder... I wonder how it could be so bad."
What? Let me see that. [takes Carlota's phone, reading the rest] "Her sculptures are a vision of horror. While her painting is breath-taking in it's ability to make me feel disgust." [gasps in horror at the next part] "She should quit being an artist."
[The Casagrande kids gasp]
Wow, none of those words mean what I thought they meant.
This will break Mama's heart.
Not if she never sees it.
Good idea! [grabs Carlota's phone and throws it in the trash, much to her annoyance]
[annoyed] Thanks, Bobby.
[walks down the hall with her sleeping bag, packed up, humming; bumps into her grandparents, looking cross as they block her way to the door; grunts] Uh, can I just get to the door?
Sergio tells us you're camping in Great Lakes City Cemetery tonight.
Mis bebes? At a cemetery? At night?! Nunca!
Much too scary for kids.
[squawks] Even for me!
Well, that's the point. Legend has it 40 years ago, a group known as the Fearless Four spent the entire night in the cemetery. No one's been brave enough to do it since. Until tonight. [points to Maria on the couch, munching on popcorn, with Carlos sitting next to her, reading a book] And Mom gave me permission!
Well, I'm her mom, and I didn't give her permission to give you permission.
Oh, come on, Mama. You let Carlos and me go when we were kids.
Heh! Maybe you'll make it longer than we did. Maria couldn't last an hour.
[scoffs] Me? You wanted to leave.
Uh, no...I'm pretty sure that was you.
I really don't think so. [pushes Carlos' book of the couch; starts getting in a cat fight with him] You gonna cry, huh? Gonna cry, widdle baby boy?
MOM!
[sighing with exasperation] Aye…
We got you!
¿Que? What's going on here?
We know it was you scaring us, we figured it out last night. [flashback to the Casagrande apartment] Mom, it was so scary. There was a skeleton and a zombie and a spider!
It's okay, mija. [she and her hermano realize something] Wait... Carlos, isn't that what scared us when we were kids?
It is.
[eating a tamale] It was so scary, I'm not gonna sleep for weeks.
Sid, where'd you get that tamale?
The spider dropped it.
[The wrapper reads 'MADE BY ROSA'; Carlos, Maria and Ronnie Anne gasp, followed by Sid, who keeps eating; flashback ends]
Rosa, your tamales gave us away!
You weren't complaining when you were stuffing your face.
Anyway, we realized it was you who scared us.
And us. I mean, uh, Maira.
Oh you wish.
So my friends and I teamed up with Mom and Tío Carlos to get you guys back.
We did?
Laird, I thought you knew?
No! No one tells me anything! I've been genuinely terrified all night.
[going through his wardrobe] Ah, what to wear? [goes into his wardrobe and comes out wearing different outfits; groans] I hate all my clothes!
[sobbing in horror] WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE! WHY ARE YOU HAUNTING US?!
[The cushion feathers form an arrow, and points to Sergio]
Hey, that arrow is totally pointing to Sergio!
[scared; whimpers and flies to the other side; squawks] Is not.
[The arrow turns around and points at him again]
Is too!
Sergio, do you know this chicken?
I had a chicken roommate at flight school, but he moved to a farm, never heard from him again. [realizes] Ooh, Alfredo, is that you? [the cushion feathers form into a mallet, gets bonked on the head, knocked to the floor] Yup, that's him.
Ghosts don't stick around unless they have unfinished business. Sergio, did you wrong this chicken?
Sergio Casagrande! No wonder he's angry! You have to make it up to him. It's the only way to get rid of this ghost.
Okay, okay, I'll make amends. [takes out a calender] Let's see, I have a little time next month.
[incredibly mad] Sergio!
Oh, look, I'm free today.
Okay, here's all of the money I took. [throws all money to the ground] With interest. [Alfredo's ghost annoyingly kicks it away] Oh come on, I've made amends, for everything, what more do you want?!
[flies into Carlos' nose, possessing him, taking control of his body] Bawk, bawk! Bawk, bawk! [picks up Sergio and pecks him] That's not the end of the story. Bawk, bawk!
[gasps] My dad's a chicken?!
[gasps in horror] CARLOS! [sobs] I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
Sergio, what else did you do to this chicken?!
[picks up Maria's high school yearbook on the floor] Hey, Mom's high school yearbook.
Mom's in high school?
[opens the book] She was, like a jillion years ago. Woah, check out Mom's hair. It says here she was voted... Most likely to see the world.
But Mom's never gone overseas.
Here she is in the Italian Club.
And the East Asian Culture Club.
And the Young Explorers Club. [gasps] Bobby, when Mom was younger, she wanted to travel. [closes the book on her hermano's hand as he yelps] I wonder why she never did. Maybe Abuela knows.
[As they take off into the kitchen, Lalo sees another photo falling out and laughs at it, while Sergio gasps in shock; The photo shows him as a high school student]
Hey! That's private!
Yes, your mother wanted to see the world, but when you beautiful bebés came into her life, she put her travel plans aside. Raising a family takes a lot of work you know.
Mom never travelled because of us. [an idea pops in her head] Hey, Mom has that week of vacation coming up, maybe we can make it up to her by sending her on a trip.
That's a great idea. [leaves and returns with his piggy bank] Where can we send her for… Twelve bucks, a button, and a cat toy?
No. This'll cost a lot of money, but I know a way we can win her a free trip.
Pizza?! We thought we won a trip to Italy!
That's right, a trip to Italy… [unrolls the bottom and points at the fine print] For your mouth.
Seriously?!
[enraged] You are a monster!
Hey, Gino, these kids thought they were winning a trip to Italy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Casagrandes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
