The Casagrandes · Season 1
[bursts into apartment 2A] Quick! Need help! Las arras fell out of the bag!
[horrified] Sergio! How could you?! Now Paco and Paulina will be doomed!
Abuela, we can fix this. We'll help Sergio find them.
Yeah, and the rest of us can keep Paco distracted in the meantime.
Vamos! Before they're doomed.
Sergio, it's happening. Soon, my love and I will be one. Although I got to admit, I am a little nervous.
Oh, come on. What could go wrong? Bring it in!
[The two parrots hug and a ripping sound is heard; Paco's wedding suit has ripped in half and falls off from his body]
My suit! Must have been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.
Carlota, can you fix it?
I'll try. Paco, you're supposed to tear up the dance floor, not your suit.
Not a good start.
Does my hand look weird? It feels weird. [holds up his incredibly swollen hand, bigger than his head] Mommy, save my hand!
Finally, I'm free! [looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]
Boy, bird weddings are fun!
What's going on?
Bad luck, that's what!
Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.
[The chandelier suddenly snaps and falls on the wedding arch]
This is more than setbacks. It can only be due to one thing: las arras!
[Dramatic guitar riff is heard, revealing Hector having to fix his guitar]
Ah. I fixed the strings. [the guitar strings break again] Chihuahua.
Sergio, I thought you said you got all 13 coins.
I did. I'll prove it. [takes out the coins and counts them] 10, 11, 13. Boo-yah!
You forgot 12, genius.
[gasps] That means that one lucky coin is still missing!
Missing?! [growls with rage and tries to go after Sergio while the whole family holds her back, slowing her down] Let me at him! [calms down; sadly] Ay, without the last lucky coin, the marriage will be cursed with bad luck forever.
[Paulina suddenly shows up]
[gasps] Paulina, my love. We don't need luck. [Paulina sobs in tears and runs away; turns to his primo, crossly] Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! Paulina! Please, come back! [flies after Paulina for consolation]
[sadly with guilt] I guess Paco was right to doubt me. I'm not best-man material.
That coin has to be somewhere.
We must have missed something.
Yeah, one coin. Keep up.
[flying angrily directly at Maybelle] GIMME MY COIN!
AH! [bashes Sergio with the pizza box] Take that! I better put this away for safekeeping.
[pops out of the pizza box as Sancho takes the slice of pizza off his head and eats it] Eh, new plan.
Sergio, I had my doubts, but you really came through for me, primo. Thank you for being the very best, best man. Maybe one day I can be yours.
[confidently] Not anytime soon.
Hector, what're you doing under the table?
Huh! You're the health inspector who shut down my studio.
Ooh, this is gonna feel good cuz it does wanna feel good! [eats a bucket of popcorn]
Him? He's not a health inspector. He's my favorite husband.
Awkward.
It seems like two of you like to have a lot to talk about. I'm going to reopen my studio cuz I want to reopen my studio.
Another time to bounce, everyone!
[Ivan and the other people leave the apartment]
Hector Casagrande, explain.
Well, I was tired of hearing you talk about Ivan and his dance class earlier, okay? So, I hope if the world were making them shut it down, that might act like the other end of it.
[sharply with anger] Hector! How selfish could you feel?! I don't want to talk to you for now. [walks to the door, rips it off, and leaves]
[walks in along with Vito] Gee, who could see this coming?
Aww. I need to fix this.
[burps] And I need more popcorn.
[finds Malo scratching his ear, thinking he's Lalo] Oh! There you are. [picks up the leash and goes towards home as Malo struggles to go the other way] That's enough, Lalo. I took you for a walk. Now, let's go home. [a man passes them as they go and Malo barks at him] What's gotten into you?
[finds Lalo rolling around in a bush, thinking he's Malo] There you are, Malo! [Lalo licks her in the face, revolted] Ew! Kisses? What's gotten into you?
You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is not in a fun mood.
[Malo chews, rips off, and throws the couch's armrest which Hector is napping on, causing him to roll onto the floor, waking him up]
Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.
[after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure] Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!
[bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door] Those are my new boots!
Lalo, what's going on with you? [screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]
We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.
[squawks] I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.
Parrot tacos? Ew!
Hey! I'd make a great taco. [Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away] I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!
[after Malo barges into the mercado, knocking her over] This is an awful shopping experience!
Grab his leash before he destroys my entire mercado!
I got this!
I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.
I'm gonna miss him so much.
[starts sobbing] This is the saddest day ever! [waters her eyes like Frida's] Ay, I've turned into Mom.
Wait a minute. There's two of them?!
[Lalo and Malo go to their real owners after sniffing each other's tails]
[after Lalo licks her] Now this is our Lalo.
[growls back at Malo after he growls at her] And this is my Malo!
Okay, I don't follow.
I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose him from a litter of perritos. [Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy] But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!
[Flashback ends]
They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. [to Lalo] I'm so sorry, boy.
Last badge, habitat maintenance.
Awesome! I'm great at that. [confused] Uh, what is that?
It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.
She's beautiful!
Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. [points to bamboos and rocks as materials] Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. [closes the gate and leaves]
As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.
No way, we should use rocks.
Fine, then I'm doing my own habitat.
Hey, Hector! I waxed your floors! Take a look.
[comes, slips on the light yellow substance, and goes crashing through the aisles; mad] You used butter! The expensive kind!
Then what did I put on my toast? [licks the pink substance on his toast, with his tongue all shiny] Ew, wax. Just put it on my tab.
[enraged at Vito, after he drives the van in reverse and crashes through the mercado door] VITO!
Oofa doofa, did you know that thing went backwards?
You broke my mercado!
Oh, gee, I'm really sorry.
Take your dogs and get out!
I'll make this right! I'll work overtime and long weekends and…
No thanks! You've done enough damage! Now, don't bother coming back here until you pay off your tab!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Casagrandes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
