Hughie quotes from The Boys

Hughie

Butcher?

You alright, mate?

Hughie

Hey, um… Frenchie told me about Crimson Countess. What the hell happened?

We was chasin' down something, but… I–I'm gonna knock it on the head. You was right the other day. Things are good. Ryan's good. I should leave it well enough alone before I go and fuck it all up. [pause; Hughie is silent] You there?

Hughie

Neuman's a Supe.

Yeah, what?

Hughie

Yeah, she's pretty much Stan Edgar's daughter, too. Past year of my life has been a waste. I thought we could fight Vought the right way, but we can't. It's all rigged. If we're gonna take them down, we have to do whatever it takes. We have to do it your way.

The prodigal son returns.

Hughie

What the fuck? Hey, man. [laughs as M.M. hugs him] Yeah… Wait. Wait, are you… Are you back?

We'll see.

Hughie

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy, but are–are you sure?

[sees the bloody bandage on Hughie's hand] What the fuck happened here, kid? You jacking off with razors again?

Hughie

You know, you should see the other guy. The other guy's my penis.

[laughs] I missed you, kid.

Hughie

I missed you, too, man. [pause; notices Butcher staring at him and sighs] Look, I know what you're gonna say, and I just–

No. No, mate. I'm just chuffed to have all the Boys back under the same roof, alright?

Hughie

Really?

Yeah. [to Frenchie and M.M.] I mean, there he was, right? In his fancy pants, lordin' it over us like the viceroy of Vought Square, eh? And that whole time, he weren't nothin' but a Supe's bootlick.

Hughie

Yeah.

That, my son, is a Lifetime Achievement at the Cunt of the Year Awards, innit?

Hughie

Yeah, it is. It is a Lifetime Achievement. [Butcher laughs] Are you done?

No, mate. I am just gettin' started, believe you me.

Hughie

Great. Listen, we need to get Ryan somewhere safe. Vicky knows where she is because we fucking told her, which means Stan Edgar knows, too.

Yeah, one step ahead. Colonel's already done a runner with the boy. They're well outta sight. In fact, we were gonna pay 'em a little visit.

We are?

Frenchie

Monsieur Charcutier, I cannot go. I have a matter of great importance.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must've forgot to run it by your bleedin' secretary!

Frenchie

It's an emergency!

Hughie

I–I'll go instead.

Nah, you skive off today, and that congresswoman might split your pretty little buns.

Hughie

Yeah, thought of that. Uh, Kimiko. [pause; Kimiko removes her headphones] Kimiko, hi. Can you please… break my arm? Vicky will smell it if I fake being sick, so it's gotta be real, and it's gotta last for days.

[laughing] Fuckin' hell, Hughie!

Frenchie

At least take something for the pain. I got opium. [tosses prescription bottle to Hughie]

Hughie

Government employees can't fail a piss test. [tosses prescription bottle back to Frenchie; to Kimiko] Let's just get this over with, okay? Just do it pretty fast.

Hold on. Hold up, hold up. Have a seat, please. Only been here three minutes, and it's already The Bold and the Batshit. [puts garbage bag on Hughie's lap] Alright, go ahead.

Nah, nah, nah! [points at Hughie's forearm] Right here. Clean break, no permanent damage.

Hughie

[takes a deep breath] Yeah? [pause; Kimiko nods] One, two–

Hughie

WHAT THE SHIT?!

Mallory

Neuman's head of the Bureau because I said so. I tried to save her from the attack on Congress that she fucking caused!

Hughie

Well, at least you didn't spend the last year getting her oatmilk lattes and every piece of intel she asked for.

Mallory

[to Butcher] I would very much like to know the plan to eliminate her.

Well, that depends on what you can tell us about your little holiday down in Nicaragua.

Mallory

[pause] I've never been to Nicaragua.

Really? 'Cause a little birdie told me you were Payback's case officer down there, on a classified job that Soldier Boy never come back from.

[pause; Mallory scoffs] Colonel?

Mallory

Whatever it is William thinks he may have heard… he's mistaken.

Is he? You know that safe you got in your home office? The one behind the picture of Bush number one? Well, I borrowed a ledger from it–the one with all your assets around the world. How long do you think them and their families will last when I put every one of their fuckin' names on Facebook?

Mallory

You'd sign the death warrants of dozens of innocent people who had nothing to do with this?

I'm embarrassed for the both of us that you're askin'.

Mallory

[pause] Nicaragua's ancient history. Not to mention, I could be killed just for telling you.

And all your agents will get killed if you don't. [pulls out chair and sits down] Blimey. What a pickle.

Mallory

[beat] It was part of Operation Charly.

Hughie

Operation… Charly?

Mallory

Reagan's pet project, off the books. Helped the Contra rebels fight the Russian-backed Sandinistas, but we needed a way to pay for it. Some of the cash came from selling arms to Iran. Oliver North's epic fuck-up. But the rest? If there's one thing that the Contras had plenty of, it was cocaine. I was in charge of trafficking the coke into the U.S. and then using the profits to buy more weapons in the fight against the Reds. Whatever it took.

That's some self-justifying bullshit. Were you part of that other thing, too?

Hughie

What other thing?

She knows. [to Mallory] Tell him.

Mallory

The unwritten policy was to sell the cocaine strictly to minority neighborhoods–destabilize, demoralize–while staying out of white ones. Late in '84, we were gearing up for a major offensive. So the higher-ups, in their infinite wisdom, decided it was the perfect time to throw a wrench in the works: Fucking Payback. Each more ridiculous than the next: Crimson Countess, Mindstorm, Swatto, the TNT Twins, Noir, Gunpowder, and the most idiotic of them all…

Hughie

Hey, Annie.

Homelander's had a breakdown. He's lost his fucking mind.

Hughie

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, slow down. Slow down. What?

He's bringing the Deep back into The Seven, so I brought up the video, and he said to go ahead and release it. You were right. Co-captain was a bad idea. I have to leave.

Hughie

Look, I–I know I should tell you to run out of there like a house on fire, and I want to… [sighs] but you gotta stick it out.

I'm sorry?

Hughie

Listen, I'm–I'm back with Butcher.

Why?

Hughie

We're onto something that could kill Homelander.

What? What is it?

Hughie

Some kind of weapon. Uh… I'm not sure, but you gotta buy us some time. Keep your eyes on him.

How much time?

Hughie

Uh…

You don't know. So for God knows how long, I have to paste on a smile with Homelander growing more unstable by the hour, hoping that he doesn't kill me or worse.

Hughie

If that's what it takes, then yeah. [pause; sighs] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just… Homelander and Vicky, they–they're running laps around us because… because we keep trying to do it the right way. The high road just doesn't work. We–We have to be as mean and fucked-up as they are.

Now you sound like…

Hughie

Like Butcher, I know. But Annie, he's... he's right. He's been right all along. I'm just so… tired of losing.

[sighs] Okay. You better pull this off, Hughie, but… okay.

Hughie

When's it air?

Tonight.

Hughie

#Homelight. You agreed to this?

It's like what you said, Hughie. Whatever it takes. This is… This is what it takes.

Hughie

[pause] Hey… [takes Annie's hand] it's gonna be okay. Really. Let me save you for once.

[sighs] Hughie… This has to work.

Hughie

It'll work.

Homelander

[enters common room] What'll work?

Uh, my VoughtSonic speaker setup. I'm sorry, how did you get in?

Homelander

I have a key. [pause] Yeah, I gotta keep an eye on my best girl, right? By the way, you're a sound sleeper, Starlight. [pause; Annie and Hughie look shocked] Oh, look at you two. I'm kidding. Come on, lighten up. I'm joking! But we gotta go. Running late. [to Hughie] Rolling Stone cover shoot, hot issue. We got "Hottest Ship."

Homelander

Don't you worry, Hughie. This little love affair is strictly for the cameras. Although, that's how me and Maeve started out, and that… [inhales sharply] got quite spicy. [laughs] Yeah, I'm not kidding, man. Let's just say that Maeve can bend a steel pipe without using her hands. [pause; chuckles] What's she like? She a good fuck?

Homelander

Whoa.

Touch him or anyone he cares about, and I'll walk. And I'll take my approval points with me.

Homelander

[whispers to Hughie] Women. [to Annie] I'm kidding. You really need to lighten up, guys.

Hughie

Butcher, can I uh… [Butcher breathes heavily] What are you doing?

Contingency. In case things go arse over tit at the lab.

Hughie

[pause; closes the door] I wanna try some.

Don't be daft. This shit is poison, Hughie. A lad like you don't want no part of it.

Hughie

What, you mean like a loser? A fuck-up?

Sooner or later, Homelander will find Ryan, okay? It's just a matter of time. I have to do this, alright? You don't.

Hughie

Annie's in just as much danger. Homelander almost lasered me in half in front of her, and it was like... it was like I was back with every bully that I ever had, just taking it. And then she had to save me again! Butcher, please. Please. Please… because right now, I am so angry that I can't even breathe.

[sighs] Oh, Hughie… It's shittier. It's not power; it's punishment. You don't deserve none of it.

Hughie

What, and you do?

Get ready to go. [closes the door on Hughie]

Hughie

Hey, come here. Come here. [hugs Annie] I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

I shouldn't be here. It's not safe for you.

Hughie

I don't care. It's okay.

Hughie, Homelander killed Alex. He fucking murdered him, and it's all my fault.

Hughie

Hey… It is not your fault. Come here, come here. Come here. [takes Annie to the kitchen] We got Charleston Chew. We got Almond Joy, Bit-O-Honey. There's White Claws in the fridge. Some of that gross lavender bath bomb shit in the tub. Look, I know this doesn't make this any better, but I just… Let me take care of you for a second.

Tell me you found it.

Hughie

[sighs] Moscow was a dead end. I'm sorry.

No weapon or gun or anything? [pause] Fuck. Then what killed Soldier Boy?

Hughie

You know what? I'm gonna get you a White Claw.

Uh, Hughie? Your arm is broken. Where the hell is your cast?

Hughie

You're really gonna want a White Claw.

Hughie

Wow. Alright. Gonna have another one. Um... I'm just trying to get a bead on what part you're most upset about. Is it the part where Soldier Boy's loose in Russia, or the part where I took some temporary Compound V?

Um… it could be both parts. Uh, all the parts.

Hughie

I told you right away, though, right? That's–That's... No secrets. That's gotta be worth some points.

You want points for not lying to me?

Hughie

I... would like to retract that statement. Um–

Hughie, you shot up an untested drug from Vought. You could've gotten yourself killed!

Hughie

We don't have any more. And even if we did, I–I wouldn't take it. It was awful. Like, [groans] the hangover–all of it–just… absolutely hated it. [sighs]

…You loved it.

Hughie

I really fucking loved it! It was awesome! I mean, you know me. If a guy in the car next to me gives me a dirty look, I'm like fucking Dom Torreto taking off, trying to get away from him. 'Cause I'm quick and I'm all about family. But in Russia… [chuckles] I wasn't scared. I–I... I saved M.M. Me! I could, like, teleport.

Teleport?

Hughie

Yeah, I... I just–I knew how to do it. I just clenched my butt, and–and I jumped, and–

No. Hughie, that was stupid and dangerous. I can't lose you, too.

Hughie

Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. [sighs again] It's over.

So… what do we do now?

Hughie

I don't know. But whatever it is, we'll figure it out together. You and me against the world, right? I love you.

I love you, too.

Where's the Chop Socky Oriental sauce?

Hughie

They don't… have that anymore?

Why the fuck not?

Hughie

Many… many good reasons.

Did you get the other shit?

Here you go, guv.

Oh… Man, I missed bennies. It's how we won D-Day, you know? We were wired to the fucking gills.

[as Soldier Boy crushes the pills with a jack knife] Listen, let's have a little chat about this team-up, yeah?

What the hell do I need a team for? The last one handed me to the Reds.

And we got you outta that pickle. We wrapped up Crimson Countess and delivered her like a fuckin' Christmas turkey, and I even sorted Gunpowder for ya.

What, am I supposed to be impressed with that? That's like killing Emmanuel Lewis. [laughs; snorts the crushed-up pills]

Yeah, well, he grew up a bit since you last saw him.

[to Hughie, who is staring at his shield] Hands off the fucking shield.

Anyway, you want payback on Payback, don't ya? Well, it just so happens that we are experts at exterminatin' shitbag Supes. You see, it's a whole different world out there now, son. We're here to help you find your way.

Well, I can find them on my own.

Hughie

Are you sure? I mean, do you know what a GPS is? Or Bluetooth, or… [chuckles] the internet?

… [smirks] You made those words up.

Hughie

Nope. No, those are real words. And–And you need those to find them, alright? You need us.

Kid's right. All we ask in return is that you add one more name to the list.

Who?

A right cunt named Homelander.

I've seen pictures. Who is he?

He's the new you.

No one's the new me, pal. [pause] But why him?

Let's just say, you're not the only one who wants payback.

Alright. You help me find the rest of my team, and I'll help you with this Homelander.

Do men really walk around like that?

Hughie

Yeah. I mean, dads do.

Okay, well... Bill Cosby is America's dad, and I'll tell you one thing: He wouldn't be caught dead in that pussy gear.

Hughie

Lot to unpack there. Uh...

The Cos... That's a real man. Holy shit, did he make some strong drinks.

Hughie

[whispering quickly] Holy fucking shit.

But seriously, what passes as a man today? Christ on a cross. I read that we were ass-up in Afghanistan. The fuck is up with that? Those were the good guys. I mean, when I left, it was…

Hughie

Yeah, you know–

I mean, goddammit. We–We were ten and one, you know? I lead the 116th onto Omaha Beach. I was in the fuckin' Eagle's Nest! I fought for this country! I fought for this country, and what did I get for it? Forgotten. Left to rot by my own team. [beat; chuckles] You know, I wanted some rugrats of my own with Countess. Yeah, ain't that a bitch. You know, a couple little boys. Raise them up to be men. Now… Now I got nothing.

Hughie

Oh, okay. So, this–this is an actual orgy. That's what this is.

Fuckin' Herogasm. Still a thing, eh?

It's my thing. I founded it in '52. Me and this other Supe, Liberty. Man, was she a firecracker.

Frenchie's gonna be real heartbroken he missed this.

A-Train

Sorry… [sees Hughie] Oh. Hey, I know you like fucking Supes, but I'm off the table.

Hughie

That's not why I'm here, okay? You're here too, you know.

A-Train

Whatever, Pornhub. I don't have time for you right now. [turns to walk away]

Hughie

[pause] Hey. You never said you were sorry.

A-Train

What?

Hughie

For Robin. You never apologized for Robin.

A-Train

Jesus. You wanna do this right now?

Hughie

Yeah, I do. [pause; A-Train says nothing] You just get away with everything, don't you? Just running past all the people you leave behind.

A-Train

Alright, you know what?

Hughie

What?

A-Train

[beat] I'm sorry. Is that what you wanna hear? 'Cause I am, okay? It's fucked up seeing somebody that you love get hurt like that. [pause] I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry, Hughie.

Hughie

Butcher, wake up! Wake up!

Fucking freak slipped away. He's gonna pick us off…

Hughie

Butcher, wake up.

…one by one.

Hughie

Come on, wake up, Butcher. Butcher! Wake up!

No, you're wasting your time. He's gone.

Hughie

What did Mindstorm do?

Well, if it's his usual MO, trapped him in an endless nightmare until he dies of terminal dehydration.

Hughie

No, there's gotta be a way we can wake him up.

Mindstorm put him into this. He can snap him out.

Hughie

Okay, great. Great.

But he's about to be dead.

Hughie

Wait. Wait, just hang on. If we–If we grab Mindstorm, we make him help Butcher…

No way.

Hughie

…and then–and then you can kill him. Then, you can go to town on him, man! I don't give a fuck!

Hey! If you're gonna act hysterical, I'm gonna slap you like I'm Connery. Now, unless you wanna end up like your friend there, it ain't worth the risk. Look, chin up, okay? Deal's a deal. You help me finish this, I'll kill Homelander. Butcher would've given up his life for that in a heartbeat. [pause; Hughie looks down at Butcher] So, we doing this or not?

Leave it. We gotta move fast. [pause] Ah… Do you hear that?

Hughie

Uh... You might wanna lay off the weed, huh?

And you might wanna gargle my ballsack.

Still can't believe this shit is legal. I locked up so many assholes for it back in the day. [beat] What the fuck did you say?

Hughie

Literally nothing.

Jesus. How hard?

Hughie

What?

How hard did Butcher suck your dick that you miss him that much? His mouth must feel like a Hoover Deluxe.

Hughie

God, every single thing you say is so gross. He saved me, okay? More than once. So I owe him.

Oh, bullshit. You're on a mission. You get the job done, okay? I stormed Normandy. I fought the Nazis. You wanna know what I do when I'm sad or scared? Fucking nothing. 'Cause I'm not a fucking pussy.

Hughie

[pause; chuckles] You didn't storm shit. Your whole Marlboro Man act? It's fucking crap, and I–

I warned you.

Son, are–are you a superhero?

Yes, Father. You folks need some help?

Yes. Yes, please.

Okay, well, it's not safe. There's a fugitive in the area. You should get out of here before you get hurt.

Uh, well, we can't. I don't suppose either of you know engines?

I'll have a look.

Oh, I'd appreciate that very much.

Hughie

Uh, so, where you guys headed?

We're just on our way to a Samaritan's Embrace retreat over there in Danville.

Hughie

Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What the fuck?!

This is Mindstorm's MO; he brainwashed them. That priest was gonna shank us, and she will, too.

Hughie

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[kneels down over the priest's dead body] Father Wallace, no!

Hughie

Hey! Hey, she doesn't look brainwashed to me.

Take my word for it. Everyone's coming for us. Everyone, every day.

Hughie

Whoa! No, no, no! You have PTSD! You have PTSD, and you are super fucking stoned, alright?! Maybe this isn't what you think it is!

Move! Move!

Hughie

She's a human being! A nun! And if there's one thing I know–

[tackles Hughie from behind and bites him] DIE, YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!

Hughie

Oh, my God! Do something!

If you stay still, I…

Hughie

Fuck you! Get her off me!

Hughie

OH! FUCK! ME! NO! Hard pass on this Exorcist shit!

[looks down at the dead nun and priest] What's black and white and red all over? [pause] Okay, first off, I don't have shellshock. Fuck you. Second, this is what I'm talking about. This is being a soldier!

I need to talk to Hughie. Where is he?

Oh, Starlight. How delightful. He's just popped out for a bit.

Okay, well, he's not answering his phone.

Bit hard to keep a phone when you're teleportin' all day, innit, love? How can I help?

Temp V is gonna kill you both.

Well, it's gonna have to join the queue.

I was just in the lab. It causes lesions, okay? It turns your brain into fucking Swiss cheese! So please be honest with me, and tell me how many doses have you taken.

Just a couple.

Jesus Christ. Butcher, three to five doses kills you. You need to tell Hughie.

Yeah. Yeah, I will. I will. I promise.

Okay, but I'm calling back every five minutes until… [Butcher hangs up on her] Butcher? Goddammit.

Hughie

Okay, hi. Only thing open was Long John Silver's, so... I guess that's kind of fish and chips, right?

Yeah. Nice one.

Hughie

Everything alright?

It's, uh… It's the Temp V.

Hughie

What about it?

[beat] We gotta swing by the office and get some more. [pause] And then you, me, and Granny Fucker are gonna finish this fuckin' job.

Hughie

Yeah. [chuckles] Fuck, yeah.

Hughie

Thanks for picking me up. I'm sure you wanna tell me to go fuck myself.

I'm not saying anything.

Hughie

'Cause if you did wanna say that, I mean, you could. [sighs]

What happened?

Hughie

Uh... Butcher. Just out of nowhere, knocked me out.

Did he tell you?

Hughie

Tell me what?

That Temp V is fatal. If you shot up any more, you'd probably be dead right now. [Hughie stares at her] Oh, my fucking God, he didn't tell you! That asshole!

Hughie

Saved my life.

Saved your life? It looks like he gave you a concussion.

Hughie

He stopped me from taking more V. [pause] Have you ever had pizza rolls?

Like… middle school sleepover pizza rolls?

Hughie

Yeah. Dad bought them in bulk after Mom left. Every night, we'd have pizza rolls, watch Remington Steele, try not to touch her spot on the couch. And he never fought back for her or anything. Just sat there eating pizza rolls. I spent so much time thinking he was… sad and–and weak. Just a loser. But you know what? Dad… was there. Taking care of me during the worst days of his life, just trying to keep the lights on and a… and a roof above our heads. He wasn't weak. I just, I–I didn't know what strength was. Annie, I'm–I'm so sorry. I've been an asshole. I never should have… I–I never should've put any of this onto you.

Thank you for saying that.

Hughie

Literally every neuron in your brain is screaming "I told you so", so why don't you just say it before your head explodes?

Oh, my God! I fucking told you so!

Hughie

Feel good to get that out?

So satisfying.