The Boondocks · Season 1
(verse 1)
Lethal Interjection versus one old nigga / He picked up the phone / Now my finger's on the trigga / Snitchin' ain't the thing to do / So now me and my crew / Gonna show the block how to handle this fool! / He just hatin' 'cos we went from rags to riches / to baddest bitches / somebody need to ask these snitches / Why they talkin' to police? / No justice, no peace / My house is paid for / No rent, no lease!
(chorus) x 2
(verse 2)
Dis ol' man / He played foo' / Now his ass is grass for dropping dimes on my crew / The only reason that I pack a strap / Is that I knew this old nigga was foul like Hack-a-Shaq!
(verse 3)
This is the type of heat / That when they start playin' it / Old folks should get their ass whupped / For acting all gay and sh--
Old-ass NIGGA!
You done crossed the line / See, it don't cost a dime / so now I toss my nine!
(chorus)
(Granddad and Thugnificent, apparently reconciling, shake hands and hug. The press applauds)
(quietly, sourly) You still gonna pay for my lawn.
(quietly, venomously) Eat a dick, old nigga.
(Granddad is awoken by the loud music at Thugnificent's house party)
Hey!!! Shut up with all that damn noise!!!! I'm an old man, y'all need to listen to some Nat King Cole and some Johnny Mathis!!
(During a blind date who's catfished him with a phoney picture of her appearance and is eating messily) You know what? I've had it. This sucks!
What's wrong with you?
You know what's wrong with me! When was this picture taken? 1964?
You saying I don't look like my picture?
I'm saying you probably never looked like this damn picture! This ain't you!
So is that all you care about is looks?
YEEEEEESS!
Well excuse me for thinking you liked me for who I was on the inside!
Well you're a liar on the inside! This whole relationship is based on a lie! AN UGLY LIIIEEEEE!!! Why in the hell does this keep happening to me, God? What did I do to deserve this? This is payback for what? What did I do to you? Tell me!
Maybe I should leave. Nigga, you ain't no Denzel. Hell, you ain't even no Flava Flav.
Time after time after time. There ought to be a law, lock em up, charge em with fraud, I'd be snitchin' on ugly women all day, I should give em the chair, electrify their ugly asses, dry pool that switch quick!
(About the Kumite, a martial arts tournament) Good times. Yeah, good times.
The Kumite (martial arts noise) is supposed to be death match, right?
You ever kill anybody?
Hey, everybody has to die sometime.
(Luna eats her meal, while a flashback continues again)
(In the flashback, Luna is dominating the fight against her opponent)
FINISH HIM!
(Luna rips out the oversized heart of her huge opponent at a fighting tournament)
(his announcement displayed onscreen as he says it) LUNA WINS...FATALITY!
(Flashback ends)
I mean I'm like, you kill one man, you kill a dozen. It's all the the same. I mean they can only hang ya once, right? (laughs) Am I right or am I right? (laughs) C'mon now, you're leaving me hanging!
(Huey, Riley and Granddad stare at Luna, obviously terrified)
WE HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
(quietly) *Gasps* Move it! Move it! Move! Move! Hurry! Get on! Hurry Up!
(Luna looks surprised at their sudden departure)
(Huey, Riley, and Granddad retreat to the bathroom)
Thanks for inviting a killer kung-fu wolf bitch to the crib, Granddad!
You think I knew she was a killer kung-fu wolf bitch!? She didn't say nothing about no damn Kumitie, Kumitoo, Kumite (kung-fu noise) Koom, black coon, now y'all just hush! And try to figure out what we gon' do. Huey, what we gon' do?
You gon' tell her to get the hell out!
I'm not gonna tell her to leave! She might hit me with one of them exploding nutsack techniques!
Oh, come on, Grandad. She's not a kung fu master, she's crazy!
Shit! Then you go kick her ass out!
But this is your respondiblity!
Hey, I'm willing to say in the bathroom all night!
First of all, if woman is over 35 years old and she ain't married then she must be as nutty as squirrel shit!
But everything was so right, and by everything else, I mean her looks. She was fine!
She couldn't look that good, she was black! But I guess if you put lipstick and a wig on a monkey, it could look good too!(chuckles, and says to himself) A monkey in lipstick and a wig...
(After telling Robert and Tom about the various abuse experiences she's had)
After that, I had one terrible relationship after another. I suffered every kind of abuse imaginable: Verbal...
I told you not to wash my bloody ski mask with detergent because it irritates my fucking eczema!!!!
Spiritual...
Look at ya, don't nobody want you but me. You ain't fuck without me. You without me equal shit, you understand that you ugly fat bitch. Now let me borrow your car.
...and then there was that summer I dated Jim Brown...
What's good with you, planet Earth? This your boy Thugnificent representing Terre-Belle, Georgia. You know I'm saying? Lethal Interjection living next to your home. Check the chain, nigga! (holds up chain) I know y'all love my music, and love my videos, and shit. But be fully prepared to drink Hella Haterade, nigga. Cause y'all 'bout to see how good it is to be me, and how bad it is to be you! We got plenty of ho's bending, we got's spinning. It's Thugnificent's crib, nigga. Let's roll. I like to give haters something to hate right when they get to the door, nigga.
(orgasmically) Ding....... dong....
Not nobody do it like this here, nigga. We do it real grande around here, man. Ain't nobody got one of these: A doorbell with real bitches singing the notes.
(orgasmically) Ding....... dong....
That's right, nigga! Whore Bell. Yeah, you know, I believe in investing in the arts. And I believe in investing in myself. Now, this shit right here, this is some old John Woo shit, nigga, from the movie killer. Know what I'm saying? That's me, though. You mad? You hating, my nigga? Well, it's hard not to, nigga. Ha-ha! You might wanna send your lady out of the room for this next one, man. She about to look at you like a serious disappointment. A living room with a motherfucking Jacuzzi, nigga. Oh, but there's more, my nigga. This is the straw that breaks the haters' camel's back, nigga. I got Hulks on tap, nigga. Observe. Shit, this one nigga came through here with his bitch - left with a case of hate poisoning, nigga. You know what I'm saying? Ay, Ay, Ay Flow, tell em about that nigga that got his spirits crushed by the rubies and and the diamonds and shit.
He killed himself, man. Took his own life and shit, Y'knamean? Suicide over some shit about his ex-girlfriend and all of that. We all knew the shit was about the diamonds and the rubies and the Jacuzzi!
Now, this aquatic adventure park is especially for y'all niggas out there with your little inground pools, diving boards or whatever. Step your pool game up, nigga. We slide down with ours. You know what I'm saying? Your bitch does. Now, this right here is what I like to call my bitch tank, and this bitch is Debbie. Y'all broke niggas keep buying fish food if you want. Hey, don't sweat it, homey. 'Cause when it's time to show the world how the broke niggas live, maybe MTV will come to your house, and it'll be your turn to shine, but until then, tell your Moms to get off my dick, nigga. And get the hell up out of here, bitches.
Now Riley, I want you to know even though we're doing it real grand, if this rap shit don't work, we runnin' up in nigga's houses!
(The Lethal interjection crew all voice their approval)
We gonna be hittin' the street, son! Movin' mad rock all day, sellin' that real heavy drug shit!
(The crew shout their approval louder)
Or we be flippin' those burgers at Wendy's, my nigga!
(The room falls silent)
...know what I mean? With the fries and shit, I do whatever nigga! Shakes, all that "extra ketchup? Here, you need some napkins?" You feel me?
(More silence. Everyone just glares at Lenny)
Man what the fuck is you talkin' about?
What the fuck was that?
(Everyone else grumbles insults)
I'm sorry man, I wasn't thinkin' about it. I shoulda said, like... Burger King...
(Thugnificent glares)
Hey, if nigga's ain't mad at you, you're doing something wrong!
By that definition then, you have a very bright future.
Thanks, man!
(narrating) Since I woke up, I knew who took my chain: Butch Magnus Milosevich.
Butch Magnus?
Crazy Butch Magnus? Something is really wrong with that kid.
The most fucked-up child I've ever seen in my life. My long-ass, sorry, mothafuckin', goddamn life!
Butch Magnus? Awful, terrible human. Makes me sick just to think of him! I'm gonna vomit now.
(narrating) Otherwise known as "One-Punch Butch". He like to jack you first and ask you for your shit all after the fact.
(punches a kid and takes his sandwich) What kind of sandwich is this? (punches a kid and takes his iPod) What are you listening to? (punches a kid off his bike and rides off with it like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas) Let me ride your bike real quick, bitch!
(narrating) Last year, Butch was expelled from the Jesus, Mary and Joseph Academy For Boys for assaulting a nun.
(takes the paddle) Gimme dis shit!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(narrating) He even made it on one of those Maury Povich episodes where they send the kids to Boot Camp.
(Butch is sitting on stage casually, next to a security guard. An imposing drill instructor marches onto the set and starts yelling in Butch's face like Major Payne)
YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE FAT TURD, I'M NOT YO MOMMA AND I'M NOT GONNA PUT UP WITH THIS MO--
(Butch smiles and headbutts the D.O. viciously, breaking his nose.)
AAUUUGHHHH!! (collapses as blood gushes from his nose)
(The security guard tries to restrain Butch, only to be clobbered by a chair. Butch then smashes the chair on the terrified Drill Instructor.)
Riley, why you didn't tell us someone jacked yo' chain?
I didn't want y'all to think I couldn't handle my shit like a man.
Riley, that's the whole point of bein' in a crew, nigga! So you ain't never gotta handle yo' own shit like a man!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Boondocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
