Tobias quotes from The Boondocks

Tobias

NO! You lyin' black bitch! That's wasn't a week! Oh!

Tobias

You guys are real fucking' assholes, you know that?!?!

C'mon, man, look on the bright side. You get to hang out here in the fields. With the real niggas. Ain't you sick of the white man?

Tobias

You know what I'm sick of? You two blaming the white man for everything. The white man this. The white man that. You'll never get anywhere with that attitude.

Man, fuck that white nigga. That's your master. I don't know that nigga.

Tobias

All I'm sayin' is, you stop bein' a victim, you might be able to better your life on your own.

You ain't said nothin'. Ima do that. You better believe it. As soon as Catcher Freeman rides through here with his brigade and cuts that cracker's head clean off, unh, I'm outta here. You ain't never see no nigga be gone like Ima be gone. Tell you somethin'. You ain't seen no nigga ride out like me AND Ima join the gang. I got a letter sayin' I could join Catcher Freeman's brigade and ride out with that nigga.

Damn, you get mail, nigga?

Tobias

That's your plan?! Catcher Freeman, huh? Why don't I just wait for Santa Claus to take you away on his sled?

Nigga, you don't believe in Catcher Freeman?!

Tobias

(mimicks Slave 1) Of course I don't. I don't believe in the Easter Bunny either.

I'm tellin' you, man. Catcher Freeman is real. He go round from plantation to plantation freein' all the slaves and shit. He like 14 feet tall. Got trapezeous muscles and biceps. It's crazy. He ain't just no normal nigga, he Supernigga. He like a black-ass Batman if you will. And he can fly. Underwater.

Wait, how'd they know who Batman is?

STOP INTERRUPTING!

Tobias

Ha! That's ridiculous! I don't even know who Batman is!

And what's your plan, house nigga? I bet you don't even wanna escape, all on Master's nuts.

Tobias

Oh I'm gonna escape all right. I'm gonna escape with this (points to his noggin), ok? With my mind. I've got this (pulls out a manuscript). It's a play but for the screen.

What screen, nigga? We in the 1800s.

Tobias

I've thought of a new way to display moving pictures on a screen. Of course, it's all abstract since I don't have any actual film or cameras or anything. But I'm gonna show Master Colonel my screenplay and when he reads it, he's gonna know this could be a huge projection.

Nigga, you tryin' to get off the plantation by sellin' a script? (They both start laughing) Nigga, you ain't even supposed to know how to read! How you gonna sell a script, asshole? Plus there's a writer's strike, nigga!

Thank you, Tobias. I want you to know, you've always been like a son to me, except I would never ever lay with your black jungle bunny momma.

Tobias

Oh, master!

KILLS DEM BOTH!