What's this big fellow called?
Compost.
What is he?
It's a sentient mass of mutated waste.
So it literally has *bleep* for brains.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Don't worry about the plan, people. We are the new Awesomes, led by our fearless leader, Professor Doctor. A brain as big as Baltimore and brass cajones to match. What do we do, Prock?
Wow. Look at him go.
Yeah, you got to be a little impressed at how fast he can run. Nice form, buddy!
Everyone watches this show. It's your chance to tell the world the Awesomes are alive and you are in charge.
But it's a gotcha show. He's going to try to trick me into looking stupid.
Or is it a "getcha" show, where after the interview, people will get ya.
There's no such thing as a "getcha" show.
Gotcha.
SRSpencer Robertson
Can I start by reading some quotes about you?
Sure.
SRSpencer Robertson
"Will never be his father." "A pale imitation." "A family shame." "Adopted."
Whose quotes are these?
SRSpencer Robertson
Mine.
You were trying to defraud the government and the agency that has supported you for decades. And you know what we call that in Federal government? A dick move.
Now you can't walk down the street without worrying some brawny so-called hero is going to be swinging a girder like a baseball bat just to stop a simple bank heist.
I do that. It's really fun.
Who are these people?
Oh, no. It's The Animal Kingdom.
Oh, they are so cute. Ah, look at you. You guys are precious.
LLion
Silence, whore, or I will rip your tongue from your gullet.
Wow. That is *bleep* up.
Yep.
No, you want your most powerful for this shiz. That means me. I'm not called Muscleman just because I'm a man. I'm also strong.
My body may have been dosed with a reverse-aging ray, turning me into this hot tamale, but my bladder still thinks I'm 80 years old.
Oh, I'll go with you. Some girl time.
I don't do that, Hotwire. I've always been pee-shy since the Korean War! Those sneaky little fellows always liked to grab a look.
Oh, no no, I wouldn't...
Flying solo!
Is it happening?
MCMind-Controlled Servant
Yes, Dr. Malocchio. The Awesomes are trapped.
Heh heh. Wonderful. All is going exactly as planned. Now all we have to do is wait.
MCMind-Controlled Servant
Or... we could get sushi and come back.
Ooh, sushi. Yes!
How's it going there, Tom Boy?
TBTom Boy
I'm just peachy, Gadget Gal. You?
Can't complain.
TBTom Boy
Umm, out for a stroll?
Headed for the little girl's room.
TBTom Boy
Well, you may get a few breaks, but one of them won't be a pee break.
Classy.
TBTom Boy
I try.
Try harder.
TBTom Boy
I will.
Big talk.
TBTom Boy
It ain't talk.
Funny, cause that's all you're doing.
TBTom Boy
I'm not... wait, sorry, I lost the thread there. Wait, "All I'm doing is..."
"Talking."
TBTom Boy
Got it, thank you. Talk is cheap.
And you're a cheap date, sister.
TBTom Boy
Heh, if that ain't the kettle on Mamie Eisenhower.
You're a nickel a dance, Mary.
TBTom Boy
More like a dime.
Good lord, they fight so boring.
Oh, you don't worry about me, dolly. You worry about Captain Butchpants over there.
TBTom Boy
My name is Tom Boy. I haven't gone by Captain Butchpants since the 70s. Goddamn feminists.
Oh my god! Gadget Gal's going to die, and there's nothing we can do about it? Eh, whatever, let's get back to the origin stories!
How about you, Hotwire? How did you get started?
Oh, you know, it's not that interesting.
It's okay. Concierge was boring and we didn't mind.
I thought you weren't listening.
Listening to what?
You want some banana bread? Impresario's mom made it. It's not good at all, but she says it's made with love. Love must taste like feet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Awesomes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.