The Awesomes · Season 1
Oh, I'll pass.
Suit yourself. More stuffed crust pizza for the rest of us. Ha ha.
This is a fancy restaurant. They're not gonna have stuffed crust pizza.
Um, it's an "I-talian" restaurant. I think it'd be pretty embarrassing if they didn't.
I'm gonna order gabagool so I can finally find out what it is.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt?
No.
Ha ha. Joseph, Jesus' dad. That makes more sense.
Okay, listen up. These are our streets and these cock-a-roaches think they can come in and take over. Well, it's time we made them an offer they can't refuse. Because you don't bring a knife to a gunfight, and you don't bring a gun to a knife fight.
No time for a speech! You're mixing genres.
It's nice to see somebody standing up for my people's fight against the Maccabees.
You're a Seleucid?
No. Jewish. My grandfather changed his name to Muscleman from Muscle Manheimer.
Your grandfather had a strong tongue.
Gross.
Some other muscles, too.
A penis is not a muscle.
It's not? Okay, then, just tongue.
You didn't get refundable tickets?
Who gets those?
I don't know. I don't even fly commercial. I have a rocket suit.
What do you want this year?
I don't know if I really need anything.
But what do you want in your deepest, darkest fantasy?
Amazon gift card!
I'm 11. I'm not a little kid.
Yeah, but you're Asian. That makes you look younger.
Okay, that's racist.
Hey, everyone knows the saying: black don't crack, white is tight, and Asians look younger.
I've never heard that last one before.
Or the second one.
Well, it's usually "White is terrible," but I didn't want to offend you guys.
Mm. How good is this? It's like chocolate, but you drink it. And instead of regular, it's warm.
Yeah, Mom, it's hot chocolate.
Get off my sled!
It's too late, Santa.
Yeah, stop being so anti-Semitic and let us kill you!
It's over. All that's left is for you to tell all your kids to surrender.
Never!
Or we're taking you to midnight Mass.
Oh, well, then I'll do it. I don't have an hour for that.
You bastard! You killed Santa!
Sir, the thing is...
Ha, I'm just messin' with you. I'm glad the fat slob's dead. I'm very conservative and I've always felt like Santa took the religion out of the holiday. So personally, I think you're a hero!
This is a very important technology lab. Dr. Turfenpeltz works here. The former chief scientist of the Awesomes.
So that's how this works. When your mentor's in trouble, we drop everything. But when my gymnastics coach needs money for the Kickstarter, you refused to pay $40 for a hat.
I was able to track Whiskey Dick's heat signature. After leaving here, he landed in Dusselforf, then transported to Madrid.
Oh, my God. He's in... Florida.
Well, technically, Germany and Spain.
You didn't bring anything?
I got superspeed, if I need something I'll just run home, get it, and run back.
You can run across the ocean?
Hey, Prock, can I borrow your toothpaste?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Awesomes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
