AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

Just let him die. Who wants to play as a weak, pathetic character like this? Wouldn't you rather be a tough guy? Isn't that the whole point of playing a game? To feel empowered? To be someone you're not? I mean, I get it - he's supposed to be a nerd. Well, this "nerd" makes me look like Charles Bronson! Steve Urkel could beat the fuck out of this guy! I think this whole thing was an experiment: To create the world's worst video game character.

No wonder why he didn't get his own sequels. I can imagine what Lester the Unlikely 2 would've been like. The game would start... and you couldn't even move! All that happens, Lester pulls down his pants, sucks his thumb, and takes a fuck. The third game, you couldn't even get past the title screen. All that happens, you push Start, and Lester falls down and farts. (he shrugs) The fourth game doesn't even work at all. You just put it in your Super Nintendo... (the Nerd puts the game into the SNES, turns it on, and the game explodes)... and it explodes. (disgusted) The fifth game isn't even a game at all: it's just a bag of shit that says Lester the Unlikely 5 on it. (the Nerd holds up the "Lester the Unlikely" 5 bag and fuck is dripping down to the floor. The Nerd holds his nose in revolt.) And there's a new one coming up on the PS4 using the latest state-of-the-art technology (the Nerd holds up the CD) of constructing the disc out of orangutan diarrhea. It just turned out that was the only way, and it really gives Blu-Ray a run for its money.

Fuck this game. (throws down the controller) And you know what? Fuck all games. I'm gonna watch some TV. (He turns on the TV and tries to change channels, but the TV is all static.) Man. TV nowadays sucks.

Wall Street Kid is a game about cash and stocks. Might as well fill my Christmas socks with trash and severed cat cocks!

Killing Time on 3DO doesn't give you enough ammo! Your parents paying fifty bucks for a game where you shoot the fuck out of ducks really sucks! I'd rather eat deceased skunk yeast than play inferior arcade ports like Altered Beast. Altered Beast is a nut-kicking feast I can't stand in the least!

S.C.A.T. stands for Special Cybernetic Attack Team, but "the droppings of carnivorous mammals" is what the word "scat" really means. It's as close as you can get to a Nintendo game called "Shit".

We'll see how they like Circus Caper, it's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal vapor!

[Playing Fist of the North Star on NES] Finding the right door is such a chore. C'mon, where do I go!? What a bore! Finally, when you do find the right door, how you go in? Wanna know the way? Not up, not down: By pressing Right, B, and A!!! How much were they drinking!? Why is it so stinking!? I'm staring unblinking, "What were they thinking!?"

Why does he care so much about a fucking pencil? Was he planning to take it home after school and shove it up his fuck or something?

Then you get a sword, but it's a dream, so when he wakes up it's a ruler he's holding. Why is he so excited about a ruler? Does he wanna measure his turds? Then the teacher says, "What are you doing? You are going to see the principal for this." Um, for what? For measuring his turds in class?

What's this? A hooker? She asks if I need some "help"? Really! There's a Nintendo game where a hooker tries to sell herself to a kid. Now this whole thing is worth it.

[after defeating the Medusa] Finally when you kill her, you grab her head off the ground. You know what would be really awesome? If Davey woke up here, and had the teacher's decapitated head in his hands. [appears an image of Davey happily holding the teacher's blood dripping head] Yeah.

[after Davey got a trophy in his dream, and he wakes up in front of the principal with the trophy actually in his possession] So Davey wakes up and the Principal's like, "Where'd you get that trophy?" So, now Davey's actually bringing back objects from his dreams? Does this make any sense? You know what would be cool? If Freddy Krueger came out and clawed his fucking face off!

Well, that's it! Basically, that's Day Dreamin' Davey. That's the whole game. Mediocre... That's what it is. So, until next time... Gotta dream... something... better...

You wanna know a recipe for shit? Take a movie, put it on NES, n' you got yourself some shit. But let's go even more extreme. Let's take one of the best movies ever made, Jaws, by one of the best directors, Steven Spielberg! And then, let's give it to the game company that has made more fucking shitty games than anybody else! You see that little rainbow, right there? LJN. ...Now we're talking shit. Ahh, LJN. What we're dealing with here is a shitty-game-making-machine. It's really a miracle of electronic evolution. All this machine does is joke, and cheat, and make shitty games, and that's all.